Been a while crocodile

I’ve had the same job for 2 years and right now I’m just working there to pay bills and help my mom. There’s too many days, especially recently, where I just want to stay in bed and do nothing but I have to force myself to get up and go to work otherwise nothing gets paid. Looked for other jobs but nothing of interest has caught my eye.

On top of that I’ve just felt mentally and physically exhausted far longer than I’d like to admit. I’m slowly losing interest in things that I’ve loved my whole life like video games and baseball. I can’t explain why this is happening to me and I don’t like it at all because those things are what I am and what most people I know associate me with.

My dog is getting older and his age is starting to show. I think he may be deaf or becoming deaf because he no longer hears and reacts to me getting home from work at night or me calling his name. I know that one day he will pass on and once that happens, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. Feels like he’s the only one that’s keeping my sanity intact.

Last night was the first time in months I cried myself to sleep because nothing right now in my life seems to be going anywhere. It’s just a never ending loop of the same things. My friends and I are planning on going to Vegas at the end of this month so maybe that will cheer me up and give me a burst of happiness and relaxation.

cannabis

but on my last semester of college, working as a research assistant at the observatory, and bought a gun. so summer has been fun.

Currently about to lose it over the state of health care in this country, and that fact that I (as someone with no education in medicine) am having to take measures into my own hands not only because care is ridiculously expensive and insurance virtually useless, but also due to the sheer ignorance of doctors about what the hell is actually wrong and how to address it instead of just throwing pills in my direction.

wait, it's 2019? Wow, I need to get an alarm clock!

Working for the man, got fit and lost 100 pounds.

Going aight my man, buying a second car this week for a daily.

instead of just throwing pills in my direction.

Our circumstances may be different (not entirely sure), but this mentality that doctors have is so fucking infuriating. The very idea that pills might not be a cure-all seems so foreign to them that they brush aside your concerns no matter your reasoning. Can't tell you how many times I've heard, "You just might not have found the right treatment yet," and it pisses me off everytime.

If you haven't found THE RIGHT ONE after 15+ times, then I certainly know better than you, doc.