How do I tell this guy his essay is cancer without getting in trouble

 
Verbatim
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GREEN pens, though?

green is my favorite color, i gotta get me a few of those


Coco | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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Tell him that you hope his passion isn't for being a writer.


Tyger | Elite Four Inconceivable!
 
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Good thing he's an English major; he needs some critical writing lessons.
I mean, yeah, that's a good point. If you're already good at writing, or you're at least confident in your skills, there's no real reason to even study the subject anymore other than to bolster your own ego. That's part of why I ultimately switched to CS--because I knew, at the end of the day, all I was doing was dicking around and flattering myself. That's English majors.

If you suck at writing, maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a few writing classes. English major? Maybe go for a minor--that's what I'm doing (mainly because I don't want all those credits to go to waste, but whatever).

OT:
Don't even think about telling this guy to change his major, by the way. The thing about liberal arts majors is that they're very emotional, and they take offense to any form of life advice. They take it as a form of persecution. Because what they do is their "passion," and they're not worried about money, etc. when, in reality, money will become a problem for them very shortly down the line, and if they don't have any marketable skills, things are gonna start looking pretty bleak for them.

But that's a conclusion they should come to on their own. You can't tell someone that what they're doing is a waste of time and money. It creates within them an attitude of defiance that they'll struggle to overcome. I did.
aren't you a failed English major


Dan | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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Good thing he's an English major; he needs some critical writing lessons.
I mean, yeah, that's a good point. If you're already good at writing, or you're at least confident in your skills, there's no real reason to even study the subject anymore other than to bolster your own ego. That's part of why I ultimately switched to CS--because I knew, at the end of the day, all I was doing was dicking around and flattering myself. That's English majors.

If you suck at writing, maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a few writing classes. English major? Maybe go for a minor--that's what I'm doing (mainly because I don't want all those credits to go to waste, but whatever).

OT:
Don't even think about telling this guy to change his major, by the way. The thing about liberal arts majors is that they're very emotional, and they take offense to any form of life advice. They take it as a form of persecution. Because what they do is their "passion," and they're not worried about money, etc. when, in reality, money will become a problem for them very shortly down the line, and if they don't have any marketable skills, things are gonna start looking pretty bleak for them.

But that's a conclusion they should come to on their own. You can't tell someone that what they're doing is a waste of time and money. It creates within them an attitude of defiance that they'll struggle to overcome. I did.
aren't you a failed English major
He fell for the STEM meme.


 
Verbatim
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aren't you a failed English major
I'm an ex-English major, and I thought that was made very clear in the post you're responding to.

What's your point?


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ΜΕΓΑ ΤΟ ΤΗΣ ΘΑΛΆΣΣΗΣ ΚΡΆΤΟΣ

Да ли је то истина или се само шалиш?
I HATE peer editing


 
Verbatim
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I HATE peer editing
I love it so much. It was by far my favorite part of being in those creative writing courses.

Not only do I get to help people improve their writing while low-key shitting on their work--I get to watch people struggle to find anything wrong with any of my essays or stories. It's great.


Winy | Legendary Invincible!
 
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You simply have to be honest, and point out all of the flaws in his writing. Sure, it may be somewhat discouraging for him to read your criticisms, but ultimately it should be his main priority to improve his writing skills; he is an English major, after all. An unfortunate consequence of trying to be really good at something is that, at some point before you become an expert, you're going to have to be really bad at it.


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“I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live - if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.”
I love it so much. It was by far my favorite part of being in those creative writing courses.

Not only do I get to help people improve their writing while low-key shitting on their work
If you ever want to do that with anything I write here you're welcome to.


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Okay so I sat down and tried to rework it into something passable but he literally contradicts himself immediately and the thesis is a run on.

I'm nearly convinced that he's a master of the English language. He's making redundancies and contradicting himself at the same time. It's a beautiful farce, really.


 
Verbatim
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Okay so I sat down and tried to rework it into something passable but he literally contradicts himself immediately and the thesis is a run on.

I'm nearly convinced that he's a master of the English language. He's making redundancies and contradicting himself at the same time. It's a beautiful farce, really.
Nah, he's not contradicting himself--he's just trying to convey that he's received some mixed messages over the years regarding his career prospects. When you're young, they tell you to focus on what makes you happy. But when you're older, it becomes less about what makes you happy and more about what makes the most money--which is kind of a troubling paradigm shift, and it wouldn't make a bad opening statement if he were better at articulating himself.


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"A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him saying, 'You are mad, you are not like us'."
-Saint Anthony the Great
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Verbatim
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Oh, criminy.

Yeah, I didn't see the "Fuller2" at first.
Last Edit: September 13, 2016, 11:13:52 PM by Verbatim


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Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Okay so I sat down and tried to rework it into something passable but he literally contradicts himself immediately and the thesis is a run on.

I'm nearly convinced that he's a master of the English language. He's making redundancies and contradicting himself at the same time. It's a beautiful farce, really.
Nah, he's not contradicting himself--he's just trying to convey that he's received some mixed messages over the years regarding his career prospects. When you're young, they tell you to focus on what makes you happy. But when you're older, it becomes less about what makes you happy and more about what makes the most money--which is kind of a troubling paradigm shift, and it wouldn't make a bad opening statement if he were better at articulating himself.
He says his college advisor told him to do something he loved, then said he usually was told to do it for the money. These two ideas contradict each other, but he doesn't use them to create an air of confusion in the third paragraph, he instead addresses only the second paragraph, stating that was what influenced his decision, and by using "instead" he made it a point that he did not follow the other advice.

I, of course, don't need to tell you that strategy is sound, but only if he also indicated in the third paragraph that he regretted not following it as soon as he received it. He may mention that later, (I actually doubt this) but the third paragraph was the right place to place this admission of regret.

He even set himself up to do that, but instead he used the golden opportunity he had created to redundantly point out that people thought more about money than passion. Instead of including his sister's reply, he should've said how happy he was to have finally taken the advice he should have in the first place.

This is why it seems like a farce to me; he's basically using MASTER fucking English techniques to be completely shit. I just don't want to think it's possible. One sentence would've tied his points together and averted a logical contradiction, but almost as if by choice, he did not cement it.


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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GREEN pens, though?

green is my favorite color, i gotta get me a few of those
That's neat.

I have two favorite colors because I'm torn between blue and red.

I can't decide whether I want enlightenment or not.


 
Verbatim
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GREEN pens, though?

green is my favorite color, i gotta get me a few of those
That's neat.

I have two favorite colors because I'm torn between blue and red.

I can't decide whether I want enlightenment or not.
red is shit

warm colors are shit


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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GREEN pens, though?

green is my favorite color, i gotta get me a few of those
That's neat.

I have two favorite colors because I'm torn between blue and red.

I can't decide whether I want enlightenment or not.
red is shit

warm colors are shit
Wow guess your opinions are red then.


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I love you, son.
Tear that fucker apart...


...politely.


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Did he say glass of juice or gas the Jews?
👶🏽:h..

👨🏽:honey, he's gonna say his first words

👩🏽:!!

👶🏽:hhh...

👶🏽:here come dat boi 🐸!

👨🏽:o shit waddup 😂💯

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"Never work a job you don't love"
What if you live in an area which has shit for good/enjoyable jobs and they're next to impossible to get into?


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the one true God is Doctor Doom and we should all be worshiping him.
Maybe, through some twist of logic, he wanted to write a shitty essay. It's not like writing is a difficult task, so he gave himself an extra challenge by deliberately writing poorly.

You should compliment this genius maneuver.


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A salt Rifle
"Never work a job you don't love"
What if you live in an area which has shit for good/enjoyable jobs and they're next to impossible to get into?
Consider the following


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
I HATE peer editing
I love it so much. It was by far my favorite part of being in those creative writing courses.

Not only do I get to help people improve their writing while low-key shitting on their work--I get to watch people struggle to find anything wrong with any of my essays or stories. It's great.

I would very much like to peer review a few of your essays.


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Quote
right place to place

Come on son.


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Quote
right place to place

Come on son.
I'm shitposting on a forum, not writing a paper.

I also often forego punctuation and spell shit wrong purely because I can't be bothered.
I guarantee you wouldn't see me use that type of language on a paper though.


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Maybe, through some twist of logic, he wanted to write a shitty essay. It's not like writing is a difficult task, so he gave himself an extra challenge by deliberately writing poorly.

You should compliment this genius maneuver.
This is exact;y what I'm saying.

If he's doing this then he's an absolute fucking legend.


 
 
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Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Quote
right place to place

Come on son.
I'm shitposting on a forum, not writing a paper.

I also often forego punctuation and spell shit wrong purely because I can't be bothered.
I guarantee you wouldn't see me use that type of language on a paper though.

But it reads so poorly. It hurt me.


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You aren't brave. Men are brave.
Just tell him what he needs to improve on. Don't sugarcoat it, but don't be a jerk either


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tbh this is why page/word requirements are terrible for essay assignments. It's obvious that page is just filler, and the prompt itself sounds incredibly boring. Maybe encourage him to be more creative with his prompts in general. When I was writing essays in college I'd often pick a thesis contrary to what I believed to challenge myself to learn how to express new ideas and consider alternative choices.