I'm not normally so self conscious. But I just happened to check myself over in the mirror this morning. And frankly? I'm disturbed. I got used to half my head being hairless with a thing sticking out of my skin.

But I just realized how dead I look. My eyes have sunken in and gone dark grey in the lower sockets and my fucking skin's gone pale. I'm starting to pull out more hair than usual now and I realize I've already started losing a fuck ton of weight since my pants don't fit anymore.

I'm disturbed. But I can't look away. Jesus fuck they tell you about all the stuff you can expect but fuck.

I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here this morning even though I already did. So, let's make things relevant.

Ever have a morning or day when you just couldn't stop looking at yourself in the mirror, good or bad?

Yeah, actually. I think I'm eisoptrophobic.

Okay. Let me guess. There's also not a lot of pictures in your house of you. As in, you just aren't in very many photographs. Maybe, at the most, there's two or three.

Nah, I'd say there's a healthy amount. But I avoid looking at those, too. If I do, I can't stop staring, and I get this awful, kafkaesque feeling. Especially the older the photo is, because in those ones, I'm actually smiling.

Yeah, one day  I looked in the mirror and just wondered, is this me? Because this isn't the life I expected.

That was during some rough family stuff.

No, I've had similar, profound realisation to what you describe but it wasn't in front of a mirror.

No, I've had similar, profound realisation to what you describe but it wasn't in front of a mirror.

The profound realization that you've been being blasted with drugs for a week now and that they're slowly killing you? I mean, I know things aren't peachy on your end either. But fuck.

Being serious here though. If it wasn't a mirror, what was it?

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 10:38:58 AM

Take some Rad-X or RadAway.

No no. I need the other stuff. Med-x right?

Maybe some Buffout.

I mean, I know things aren't peachy on your end either. But fuck.

Haha, I know man. I'm not going to pretend I even begin to comprehend what you're going through, or the toll it's taking on you. You're a stronger man than I.

Being serious here though. If it wasn't a mirror, what was it?

Just in a car, one day.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:21:55 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 10:38:58 AM

Take some Rad-X or RadAway.

No no. I need the other stuff. Med-x right?

Maybe some Buffout.

Maybe I should just take the drug resistant perks. Oh if only. I wish.

I usually just start wondering why I'm me, and how I got to this point in time how I am. Philosophy and stuff, even though I don't think it gets as deep as some people here.

I don't like looking in mirrors.

Not that I hate myself or anything, I just don't like my face very much. It seems my default expression is one of being "not all there".

School photos are terrible too, because I can't just smile on request so it looks bad. I prefer photos of me where I'm practically caught off guard by the camera, so it catches my genuine smile and happiness without a thought for a camera or how it looks.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:39:59 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:33:57 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:29:21 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:22:45 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:21:55 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 10:38:58 AM

Take some Rad-X or RadAway.

No no. I need the other stuff. Med-x right?

Maybe some Buffout.

Maybe I should just take the drug resistant perks. Oh if only. I wish.

Get some T-45D power armour to get free Med X without the addiction penalty.

Obama better step up his game on the iron man power armour project then.

Can we not just have that Death Star already?

Derailed stuff aside, this poses a question. It's called the death star. Packs enough firepower to blow up planets.

What happens if it fired at a gas giant?

What happens if it fires at a star?

Why the fuck call it a Death Star if it can only kill solid planets?

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:41:10 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:39:59 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:33:57 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:29:21 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:22:45 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:21:55 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 10:38:58 AM

Take some Rad-X or RadAway.

No no. I need the other stuff. Med-x right?

Maybe some Buffout.

Maybe I should just take the drug resistant perks. Oh if only. I wish.

Get some T-45D power armour to get free Med X without the addiction penalty.

Obama better step up his game on the iron man power armour project then.

Can we not just have that Death Star already?

Derailed stuff aside, this poses a question. It's called the death star. Packs enough firepower to blow up planets.

What happens if it fired at a gas giant?

What happens if it fires at a star?

Why the fuck call it a Death Star if it can only kill solid planets?

Because death solid planet sounds fucking lame

Excuse me sir.

Fucking Cloud City is a floating station on a Gas Giant.

Are you fucking serious?

Cloud City is the home to the only black man in the galaxy. The Galactic Empire wouldn't wipe out an endangered species for no reason. Hence they built Cloud City for Lando so he'd be safe from the Death Star.

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:41:10 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:39:59 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:33:57 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:29:21 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 11:22:45 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 13, 2014, 11:21:55 AM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 13, 2014, 10:38:58 AM

Take some Rad-X or RadAway.

No no. I need the other stuff. Med-x right?

Maybe some Buffout.

Maybe I should just take the drug resistant perks. Oh if only. I wish.

Get some T-45D power armour to get free Med X without the addiction penalty.

Obama better step up his game on the iron man power armour project then.

Can we not just have that Death Star already?

Derailed stuff aside, this poses a question. It's called the death star. Packs enough firepower to blow up planets.

What happens if it fired at a gas giant?

What happens if it fires at a star?

Why the fuck call it a Death Star if it can only kill solid planets?

I guess the station itself is being called a Star. Not what it kills.