And a serious one at that. Because I'm at a crossroads here. Last night's ugly business with Camnator showed me something. I shouldn't be in the position I'm in right now. I shouldn't be a mod, in any sense of the word. And I'll tell you why.

I had a simple set of rules once. Let things be. As in, on the internet, you see shit going around, you turn your back and just pay no mind. And, it worked well.

But then I made friends. Not a bad thing. In fact it's probably saved my life this year, having some people to talk to and open up to.

But, it's a double edged sword as well. Because, when it comes down to it, I care too damn much. I care about folks too much that my own life is put on hold and shoved out of the way.

Push a friend of mine and I will jump in for them. If a friend of mine is in trouble or they feel shitty, I try my best.

But the fact is, this takes time. Time out of my own life, which I'm fighting for currently. I just got my second blast of chemo yesterday. And I feel like shit. I'm going downhill faster than I'd like to admit.

And on top of all this, I'm worrying about friends of mine, and getting sucked into the mod political court. It's a big huge fuck up of emotions and stresses. And if I let it, this will probably kill me too.

So I need to back the fuck up. Because, at the end of the day, I'm just a flatlander. I'm some fucking dude in a field somewhere.

I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a money maker. Just a dude.

I need to cut some of my ties here. I need to revert a little bit back to a quiet state, so that I can fight for myself. But I cant cut all the ties. Because being in the city showed that I can no longer stand up on my own two feet.

For starters, cutting all ties with the mod position would help. It would free up space and time for me to sit down, and do my own shit. And, going a little quiet on my end of things would help too.

But, that doesn't change the fact that right now, there's a few folks I can't turn my back on. Never will.

So. It seems pretty obvious what I'll pick. I need to restructure things a bit.

But I'm just asking you folks. Drama makes drama I guess. But I want to hear what you folks have to say on the matter. Because if I do this, I'm going to cut a lot of fucking ties. Previously, my name wasn't known very well for a damn reason. Because I liked to stay out of the fucking way.

Anywho. Shoot folks. Let's hear it.

Here's the verdict

I'm burning the bridges folks. My time here, is going down in flames. I'm going to hang on to the folks I deal with the most. But for the most part, I'm cutting ties. I'm going to limit my time here, because it's toxic to me in my state. All these ties and all the drama, will only bring me down faster.

I'm not leaving. But, my presence is going to be diminished.  But, here's the deal. You folks ever want to talk, I'm still here. But I'm going back to my old rule. Stay the fuck out of the way. I'll give help when I can. Advice if I can.

But your fights aren't mine. We're all adults here. You'll work stuff out, with, or without me. Just don't fucking let this place sink in flames you fucks. And do me a fucking favor and try to smile. And quit starting bullshit.

You sacks of old sacks know who you are.

Wait... Where was the question in that?

Wait... Where was the question in that?

I don't know. Guess it got swallowed up. Tend to answer my own shit I guess. But still. Want to see what you folks think.

Becoming "quiet" works pretty well.

That's tough though. Because this place is a routine. It's a daily part of my life. And getting sucked into all the drama that spawns is as well. I need to cut ties enough that my presence here is diminished. But I still have the connections to the folks that mean the most to me.

Quote from: Snow Digger on December 12, 2014, 11:55:30 AM

You don't have to do it, so if it's too stressful for you, then by all means.

I wouldn't say stressful. It's more of, a shifted focus.

If you think it will help, then you should probably go ahead.

If you feel that your personal feeling have/will get in the way of being a staff member then by all means step down.

Not being a mod is great. Look.
fuck faggots, yeah you cunts

Step down Sandtrap. Whatever makes it easier for you.

I had to drop Computer Science because it was absolutely shreking me, and everything turned out great as a result.

Quote from: Meta Cognition on December 12, 2014, 12:19:21 PM

I'd gladly take your place, Sand, if you feel you aren't fit for the position. Although you should consult Cheat personally regarding your discomfort.

I don't think this is the place for you to promote yourself.

My intentions were mostly good. I'm just trying to point out that if he decides to drop the position then there are people willing to pick up the slack and make sure everything runs smoothly, if that'd be better for Sandtrap's health.

I'll admit I could've phrased it in a way which came across as less narcissistic and Machiavellian, though >.>

Jesus Christ Trappy here types fast.

Jesus Christ Trappy here types fast.

I may be a zombie at this point but I can still move my fingers.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 12, 2014, 12:29:33 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on December 12, 2014, 12:19:21 PM

I'd gladly take your place, Sand, if you feel you aren't fit for the position. Although you should consult Cheat personally regarding your discomfort.

Workin' on it. Although Meta, you should be aware of the shitstorm you're walking into here. The fact of the matter is, this site, is a mess. It actually is a fucking mess. I don't want to descredit the folks who enforce stuff. Because they're doing their best.

If you signed up to take my place, you'd be walking into a gridlock Meta. I mean a fucking bad one at that. There are two issues at play here.

The first is, you can't just swing a golf club around and launch offenders into the sun. Because this site doesn't have the strength in numbers to lose people left and right. And, it doesn't have the strength to cope with the whiners. The whiners, who will inevitably bitch and moan on Bungie.net and fuck things up even more.

And second. The incident with Cam showed that as civil as everybody is trying to be, there is bias. We jumped in and defended Nuka big time. Where it somebody else? We probably would have defended them. But not to this extent. And, talking to Cam on my own, without his mask on, he raised some damn good points.

It's an actual minefield to walk on Meta. Because we aren't simply working on disputes here between members. We're dealing with folks who have baggage. And that's a fact. This site has it's population because the users are drawn to one another because of similarities. The core one being, is that we're all a little fucked up.

And that's leeching into everything. Our discussions on the mod table are more about dealing with individual users and treading around their issues and trying to be diplomatic at the same time.

To put it bluntly.

This place seriously needs some fucking sunshine. And if you want to give it a shot, know that you're walking into the digital equivilent of a minefield.

Nah Meta is a pro.
He'll be fine.

Really? Because you folks aren't. That's a fact. One extra person won't make much of a dent. In fact, it might put unneccessary strain on things. There would be a shift in the balance of discussion. More weight being put on a user who would supposedly be apt for dealing with this.

More weight is more strain. More strain results in a blow up.

I gotta say that do agree with others that your ego might be a little too big.

Don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from. I've never tried to deny that I have a somewhat inflated ego and enjoy authority, but I'm generally intelligent enough to know where the lines are and when it's appropriate to (not) cross them.

Of course, your judgement is your own, and moderation is a collective responsibility. If you don't think I'm suitable for the position, then you're fully within your privileges to say so and fight any advances I might make. I won't hold that against you.

But, like you say, this thread is less about me and more about Sandtrap's situation.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 12, 2014, 12:37:05 PM

a soulless politician

You flatter me.

It is true though. Your lack of empathy might result in clear judgement over folks who have ties to friends. Less strings attatched, better objectve view of things.