My son, whom you all refer to as "Grapes", has recently been diagnosed with Micturition Syncope, Rett Syndrome and Schizophrenia . I looked through his Google Chrome browsing history and between all the various forms of hentai and shemale porn, I found this website. Honestly, I am not surprised he became Ultra-Retarded after spending so much time on this website. "Kawaii" this. "Dank Senpai" that. It's all a bunch of mind-destroying garbage for losers whose beards grow on their necks and own crusty body pillows. This site turned my dear son into a social outcast and I will not stand for it. I found out where this "Cheat" guy who runs this site lives and I'm going to have a nice little meeting with him. And don't you dare try to turn this into one of those "copypizzas" or whatever it's called or I'll come after you, too.

Hello, this is zesty

I want a copypizza...

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem.
So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling.
"I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?"
"Geez, I dunno; me and Clyde were going to go to monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks). In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don't be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitoes."
At this point, the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind, you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it's your life. But if you're a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You're IM-ing. You're talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.

I will suck your dick if you stop posting for ten minutes

I will suck your dick if you stop posting for ten minutes

How about you take your own offer?

Quote from: Elegiac on January 18, 2015, 07:30:18 AM

I will suck your dick if you stop posting for ten minutes

How about you take your own offer?

That would defeat the point

he's not supposed to be here right now

Quote from: Elegiac on January 18, 2015, 07:26:06 AM

Hello, this is zesty

You're Zesty?

No, I just didn't feel like saying I was me again