Went for a walk tonight. Been a while since I've done anything. Figure I should try and keep some kind of activity. And I almost couldn't finish it. It's fucking embarassing. I'm so fucking tired and weak that I can hardly do one fucking lap around my town without keeling over in the fucking ditch.

And when all this is done and over with I'll have to find a way to get back up to normal. And! Even better. I finally heard some news and figured out what's going down at my hospital and why it's in lockdown.

H1N1 outbreak. I step into that fucking place twice a week. And I know how much people take care when they're sick in this town. They don't. If I catch that shit I'll be fucked for sure.

This is hell. Every waking day and every waking night.

Calling it hell doesn't even do it justice. It's like having a knife jammed in you. Somebody's putting all their weight on the knife and twisting it, trying to lodge it deeper. It's like being trapped in iron wire that's snared all around you and it cuts into your skin as it twists, and then it snaps from the tension.

It's decay and rot and misery and sickness. Revulsion. Irritation and anger. Frustration and beating your head against a wall until you break you skull and it all finally stops.

I want this all to stop.