My uncle very recently (This month) had a brain tumor discovered and removed.

It will all be okay.

That blows.

Wow man I'm sorry. Goodluck. You're incredibly brave for dealing with the cards life has dealt

That blows.

These comments, comments like that, give me a smile. Yeah, I guess it does. It does fucking blow doesn't it? Hmm. But, that's the way it goes.

Do you think the apprehension is made worse by the fact that it's dormant like it is?

Fuckin' yeah. And then I worry that all the stress and apprehension might start it up. Because sometimes that's what starts them.

If the doc said, "Okay dude, you've got about a week before die of extreme pain from the pressure in your head and internal bleeding and hemmorages," I'd not be worried so much because I knew the time frame I had to work with.

I don't know the time frame I have to work with this. I am, constantly aware of how much death looms on one's shoulders. And I accepted that at any time, I could wake up one day, and not finish the day alive. I accepted the possibility that outside forces could kill me at any time.

But this? This is personal. It's my own head. It's a lump of my own cells that have gone bad and will one day activate and spread, killing me. Not only is this always on my head, but IT'S IN MY OWN HEAD.

Quote from: Sandtrap on November 19, 2014, 04:30:42 PM

Quote from: SexyPiranha on November 19, 2014, 04:26:16 PM

Do you think the apprehension is made worse by the fact that it's dormant like it is?

Fuckin' yeah. And then I worry that all the stress and apprehension might start it up. Because sometimes that's what starts them.

If the doc said, "Okay dude, you've got about a week before die of extreme pain from the pressure in your head and internal bleeding and hemmorages," I'd not be worried so much because I knew the time frame I had to work with.

I don't know the time frame I have to work with this. I am, constantly aware of how much death looms on one's shoulders. And I accepted that at any time, I could wake up one day, and not finish the day alive. I accepted the possibility that outside forces could kill me at any time.

But this? This is personal. It's my own head. It's a lump of my own cells that have gone bad and will one day activate and spread, killing me. Not only is this always on my head, but IT'S IN MY OWN HEAD.

Biology sucks, man. Always something like this to fuck you over.

And what's even worse is, I could just get cut short doing anything. You know, I could be driving my truck somewhere, and then boom, internal hemmorage and I'm dead. I could be hauling wood in the summer with my sister and then boom, dead.

That's what scares me. I've known people who died from internal hemmorages. And it's fucking scary. Because all of them where just doing their business, and then they died.

I mean, it's a personal intrusion. The largest possibility I have of dying while driving my truck somewhere is if I lose control and end up in a crash or I get hit by somebody. Or if I'm drinking coffee and sitting down for the day, I could choke on it, but that's about it.

With this, is could be anywhere, anytime.

And that's fucking scary. Even if I live a full life, I don't want that to happen.