English speakers, reword this

 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


Super Irish | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Superirish19
PSN: Superirish19
Steam: Superirish19
ID: Super Irish
IP: Logged

6,010 posts
If I'm not here, I'm doing photography. Or I'm asleep. Or in lockdown. One of those three, anyway.

The current titlebar/avatar setup is just normal.
...it is often deemed necessary for data processing in this field to be covered by a high level of data protection does not go below the safeguards found in general data protection instruments and prohibits the departure from fundamental principles without proper and adequate justification(125).

The bold part, please. I'm bored in class and can't be bothered to put in the thought myself. Whoever comes up with the best phrasing gets to be my best friend for the rest of the week.

Spoiler
Just doing my part to boost thread count, as we all should.

It is often deemed necessary that data processing in this field be covered by a high level of data protection does not undermine safeguards found in general data protection instruments and prohibits the departure from fundamental principles, without proper and adequate justification.

Kinda rephrased a few parts and removed an extra "that", but it reads more fluidly to me.
Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 01:31:27 PM by PsygnI


 
Verbatim
| Komm, süßer Tod
 
more |
XBL:
PSN: Verbatim-1
Steam: Jaco230
ID: Verbatim
IP: Logged

48,049 posts
i thought about undermine, but i don't think it works well in this context


Super Irish | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Superirish19
PSN: Superirish19
Steam: Superirish19
ID: Super Irish
IP: Logged

6,010 posts
If I'm not here, I'm doing photography. Or I'm asleep. Or in lockdown. One of those three, anyway.

The current titlebar/avatar setup is just normal.
i thought about undermine, but i don't think it works well in this context

I was assuming (without further context other than the OP) that he doesn't want the bar to be set below the normal standard, so undermine works.

That is, somehow accidentally having a higher bar set above standard is not ideal in this scenario and so you need a word that means "not to go high or low".

...perhaps ?


Jocephalopod | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL: joecephalopod
PSN:
Steam: j0cephalopod
ID: Jocephalopod
IP: Logged

8,352 posts
 
It's all about sentence flow now.

I'd rather shorten the opening with deviate as you still have a bit to say afterwards within the sentence

Allahso, "deviate" seems to be a word more in lieu with data collection.. Although I have no idea what this paper is in a broader context


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.
Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 01:49:55 PM by Flee


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


Super Irish | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Superirish19
PSN: Superirish19
Steam: Superirish19
ID: Super Irish
IP: Logged

6,010 posts
If I'm not here, I'm doing photography. Or I'm asleep. Or in lockdown. One of those three, anyway.

The current titlebar/avatar setup is just normal.
i thought about undermine, but i don't think it works well in this context

I was assuming (without further context other than the OP) that he doesn't want the bar to be set below the normal standard, so undermine works.

That is, somehow accidentally having a higher bar set above standard is not ideal in this scenario and so you need a word that means "not to go high or low".

...perhaps ?
I might be wrong, but (to me at least), "undermine" makes it seem like it actually hurts or affects the thing it's undermining, which is why I abandoned "undercut". The utmost general rules already apply in all of Europe, but this deals with two simultaneously introduced pieces of legislation. One is on general data protection, the other on a specific sector. The idea is that the specific sector shouldn't go below what is introduced by the general regulation.

Undermine doesn't have to directly mean "to damage" within the sentence, it just means "to go below", which if a standard of data protection was lower than the other... it's going below.

Am I missing something here? Even if the lower standard is still exemplary, it's still undermining the safeguards of some instrument that has a higher standard.


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


Turkey | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL: Viva Redemption
PSN: HurtfulTurkey
Steam: HurtfulTurkey
ID: HurtfulTurkey
IP: Logged

8,077 posts
 
it is often deemed necessary for data processing in this field to be covered by a high level of data protection exceeding the safeguards found in general data protection instruments and prohibits the departure from fundamental principles without proper and adequate justification(125).

it is often deemed necessary for data processing in this field to be covered by a high level of data protection beholden to the safeguards found in general data protection instruments and prohibits the departure from fundamental principles without proper and adequate justification(125)

it is often deemed necessary for data processing in this field to be covered by a high level of data protection surpassing the safeguards found in general data protection instruments and prohibits the departure from fundamental principles without proper and adequate justification(125)
Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 02:07:16 PM by Ludwig van Turkey


Super Irish | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Superirish19
PSN: Superirish19
Steam: Superirish19
ID: Super Irish
IP: Logged

6,010 posts
If I'm not here, I'm doing photography. Or I'm asleep. Or in lockdown. One of those three, anyway.

The current titlebar/avatar setup is just normal.
i thought about undermine, but i don't think it works well in this context

I was assuming (without further context other than the OP) that he doesn't want the bar to be set below the normal standard, so undermine works.

That is, somehow accidentally having a higher bar set above standard is not ideal in this scenario and so you need a word that means "not to go high or low".

...perhaps ?
I might be wrong, but (to me at least), "undermine" makes it seem like it actually hurts or affects the thing it's undermining, which is why I abandoned "undercut". The utmost general rules already apply in all of Europe, but this deals with two simultaneously introduced pieces of legislation. One is on general data protection, the other on a specific sector. The idea is that the specific sector shouldn't go below what is introduced by the general regulation.

Undermine doesn't have to directly mean "to damage" within the sentence, it just means "to go below", which if a standard of data protection was lower than the other... it's going below.

Am I missing something here? Even if the lower standard is still exemplary, it's still undermining the safeguards of some instrument that has a higher standard.
Are you sure? I just checked dictionary.com, thesaurus.com, Merriam Webster and the Cambridge/Oxford Dictionary, and all of them say it basically either means to physically undermine (as in to dig a tunnel below) or to weaken / make less effective / damage / impair / subvert something else. I'm not seeing anything that suggests it just means "not be as good as" or "isn't at the same level as".

I've used it in reports in the way I've described and never called out on it. Then again, I do Geology so that may throw a bit of bias in there.


 
Verbatim
| Komm, süßer Tod
 
more |
XBL:
PSN: Verbatim-1
Steam: Jaco230
ID: Verbatim
IP: Logged

48,049 posts
beholden to
that has more to do with feeling like you're indebted to someone for doing something nice for you

like, if you owe someone something, you're beholden to them

so i dunno if that really works here

neat word, though
Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 02:22:53 PM by Verbatim


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


N/A | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Zenmaster
IP: Logged

7,823 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


 
 
Flee
| Marty Forum Ninja
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Flee
IP: Logged

15,686 posts
 
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


Turkey | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL: Viva Redemption
PSN: HurtfulTurkey
Steam: HurtfulTurkey
ID: HurtfulTurkey
IP: Logged

8,077 posts
 
"satisfying the safeguards"

"within standard safeguards"
Or
"within the safeguard standards"