I don't mean like laws. I think it's pretty easy to not break the law, because it's not really that tempting to run a red light, steal, kill, rape, murder, none of those things really appeal to me. What I am talking about is when you're at school or in a chat room. For me, obeying the restrictions of any place becomes too much to tolerate after a certain amount of time. When I have been in schools it usually takes about a few months in. I just stop caring about going to class. I stop caring about waiting to raise my hand and I may just call something out. That's because sometimes I may just hate the teacher or hate the class.

Then there's chat rooms. I usually don't last more than a couple days in a chat room. What I hate is having to respect authority in a chat room. To me a lot of moderators seem like some retard that was just given a position of power. It's used to lord over all of the members. If you don't like it then you can't speak up. Disrespecting a moderator of some sort is just an easy ticket to get banned. I feel like that wherever I go. It may be because of some rule that you can't insult someone's religion. It may be because you can't complain too much about something. It may be because you aren't getting along nicely with another person. I hate them so much.

I don't know what to do about this situation. I feel unwelcome basically anywhere I go besides my own house. It feels like when I am around my own parents I just get instantly agitated. I bet they are setting this for me for good, but sometimes I don't know; the move to colorado. They are letting me move there by myself in a college town in an apartment. I asked my own younger brother if he'll miss me and he said not really. I feel like there is no one in the world that even gives a shit about me. Absolutely everywhere you go you have to work for some sort of conditional love or friendship. My own relatives feel very uncomfortable around me whenever I am around them. They barely talk to me.

My parents are always out of the house, and I am always in my bedroom on the computer. I don't feel like I have had anyone truly love me or care for me for a very long time. I haven't had an environment where I truly feel loved by anyone for years and years. I haven't talked to any other kid in my neighborhood ever since I graduated high school, almost 3 years ago. I remember clearly in high school being an outcast who no one even talked to. I just feel embarrassed about living. I feel everything I do that causes me some sort of shortcoming, it is just another reason to hate myself for being such a worthless wreck of a human being. I can't even maintain a single friendship, or be a part of a community.

Now a days I just feel completely dead inside most of the time. I guess I just learned exactly what part of my brain is responsible for emitting the chemical that is responsible for depression. I can feel it in my head. Unless I get too overwhelmed I can basically kind of control it now. If I get too depressed then it takes over and I start to feel numb in my head and I start to feel so much mental pain. It doesn't feel like a warm feeling, like when you're angry and it gets you really excited. It feels like my head becomes numb and sensitive to the slightest mental pressure. It becomes so easy to just tick me off and then I just become extremely depressed and angry. It feels like all the blood rushes from my head.

Does anyone else have a problem with following rules?

Now a days I just feel completely dead inside most of the time.

Well that took a turn. ._.

I forgot the part about school where usually after a little while I just get fed up with my classmates. I have told people on numerous occasion to shut up, kill themself, in the middle of class. I just can't stand school.

I'm sorry, but tl;dr.

I really wish that people would just not even bother to make a comment if all they have to say is tl;dr. That has been a pet peeve of mine for years.

I'm pretty sure cannabis helps.

Quote from: ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ Nick Mc ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ on January 13, 2015, 02:57:07 PM

I'm pretty sure cannabis helps.

You are one snide retard. I told you in the skype group that I didn't want to hear about weed. I told you a million times I can't get any of it here. You can seriously go jump in front of a fucking truck. You are being a cunt and I don't want to deal with you. Please fuck off and/or die. Fuck you.

Reboated.

Why did Loaf get mad today? ._.

No.

inb4psyduck'sgorilla

Quote from: Kupo on January 13, 2015, 03:03:50 PM

Why did Loaf get mad today? ._.

Who gives a shit. The universe has already made up it's mind. They have already prepared me for the harvest. In a short matter of time I will probably be culled from this website to promote a nicer, more efficient environment.

wat

Quote from: DAS B00T x2 on January 13, 2015, 03:09:17 PM

Quote from: Loaf on January 13, 2015, 03:07:39 PM

Quote from: Kupo on January 13, 2015, 03:03:50 PM

Why did Loaf get mad today? ._.

Who gives a shit. The universe has already made up it's mind. They have already prepared me for the harvest. In a short matter of time I will probably be culled from this website to promote a nicer, more efficient environment.

wat

The mods are gonna ban me. That is what I am trying to say. They want vengeance. They want to take away my privilege for using this website. They will ban me and hope that I am meeker when I come back. It's their way of saying "we hate you, and we will feel better if you suffer".

wat

Quote from: DAS B00T x2 on January 13, 2015, 03:09:17 PM

Quote from: Loaf on January 13, 2015, 03:07:39 PM

Quote from: Kupo on January 13, 2015, 03:03:50 PM

Why did Loaf get mad today? ._.

Who gives a shit. The universe has already made up it's mind. They have already prepared me for the harvest. In a short matter of time I will probably be culled from this website to promote a nicer, more efficient environment.

wat

The mods are gonna ban me. That is what I am trying to say. They want vengeance. They want to take away my privilege for using this website. They will ban me and hope that I am meeker when I come back. It's their way of saying "we hate you, and we will feel better if you suffer".

Oh God yes, FEAR Cheat's vengeance against you!

For...whatever....the thing you did...the...wait you didn't do anything.

Quote from: DAS B00T x2 on January 13, 2015, 03:09:17 PM

Quote from: Loaf on January 13, 2015, 03:07:39 PM

Quote from: Kupo on January 13, 2015, 03:03:50 PM

Why did Loaf get mad today? ._.

Who gives a shit. The universe has already made up it's mind. They have already prepared me for the harvest. In a short matter of time I will probably be culled from this website to promote a nicer, more efficient environment.

wat

The mods are gonna ban me. That is what I am trying to say. They want vengeance. They want to take away my privilege for using this website. They will ban me and hope that I am meeker when I come back. It's their way of saying "we hate you, and we will feel better if you suffer".

I think it's safe to say you're not just depressed that your family doesn't care about you, but you're also paranoid because of it and that makes you think nobody else cares and that they're against you. They're not. At the very least, I'm not.