Got four chicken breasts thawed and ready to go. What the fuck can I do with them?

I have in my pantry: Some seasoning, two cubic fucktons of rice, Kraft mac'n'cheese. In my fridge I have: Some soy sauce, Mexican blend shredded cheese, some butter.

I eat out mostly, and I haven't gone grocery shopping in almost two weeks.

Googling it just gives me shitty wannabe Food Network sites where they try way to hard and are way to over the top in making some bullshit gourmet meal.

Oven for a couple hours and lemme fuck you in the meantime

What should I do with the inevitable left over pool of hot grease because with bacon on a frying pan, that's inevitable.

fry the bacon, fry the chicken in the bacon grease, cook the rice, mix.

here's     what    you    gotta    do


i want you to take the stick of butter you mentioned and apply a base layer of the shit onto the flesh of the chicken breast. Imagine you're wiping the throw up crusted remains of a toddlers bib away into the nearest furnace. Be deliberately thorough, retaining skill and grace as you administer the butter in a zigzag janitorial fashion


next i want you to prepare the rice. dump the poverty grain into a Glad® OdorShield® Tall Kitchen Drawstring Trash Bag and shake it up a bit. make sure the OdorShield® scent fully imbibes into the bland flavor of the mix before dumping into a pot preferably made of polished *very expensive* brass. What comes next is basic culinary shit, 2 parts liquid 1 part rice maybe substitute a  bit of broth if you're feeling adventurous, bring the compound to a boil with a bit of salt and then lower the temp and cover the lid for 17-20 mins depending on the type of condoleezza you're working with. You could also make dune coon pilaf or use a pasta method, really depends what caliber of a human being you are. The most important step occurs at the the end of the process. After an initial examination of the proto-dish add 1/4 stick of unleaded butter into the mix and stir like slave for 2 minutes until the the ingredient has indemnified every shit aspect of rice itself.

now that you have you're main chicken tendy and rize ready to eat we'll move onto the lesser portions

fuck the goy sauce

fuck the immigrant cheese

prepare the maggatony and cheese per instruction up keeping in mind that a half stick of butter or 3/4ths depending on your metabolism is needed in order to fully appreciate the flavor.


if instruction is followed the meal is guaranteed to taste good.

One of these days, Sep7 needs a big bbq gathering.


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What's that supposed to mean pal?

Go on, say it. I can handle this kind of banter.

i bet you do

A what?

youre a sushi loving poof