Clingy person is in love with me, extremely overly attached to me. need help.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:30:48 PM

So here's the basis. I really can't believe I'm coming here to ask for advice, but I have nowhere else to turn. I know that I have a bad relationship with pretty much most of you, but i'm hoping that someone can give me an honest reply.

I have known this person online for a couple years now. We were friends and I developed some feelings for them. We love the same music and we have had some pretty deep conversations. I mean deep in the sense that we relate on a level that has a lot of really strong connections.

It hasn't been like that lately though. We have this weird thing. I removed them as a friend and they removed me, several times each, because we both share the feeling that when we talk we can't say anything right. We came to this realization a little while ago, or I should say she did.

So the thing is, now that things have gotten to this weird love stage, it seems like there's no way we can just talk as if we were friends. They keep telling me that they are really seriously in love with me and can't control their feelings. I care about their feelings so I feel like I can't just delete them as a friend, even though I have before.

I just wish I knew how to hand a situation like this. When it happened before I was not mature emotionally and it felt like I was getting punched in the brain. Even tonight things turn really emotional and I feel really hurt. I don't know how things get to that point with this person and I just wish I had some help.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:32:22 PM

Well for starters, do you have an age approximation on your compatriot?

Engrapadora · October 24, 2015, 07:32:54 PM

Try bringing the conversation to really weird places every time she talks to you. If all you ever talk about is tentacle raping futa goo ponies or whatever, eventually she'll just stop messaging you.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:32:59 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:32:22 PM

Well for starters, do you have an age approximation on your compatriot?

They're 18.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:34:37 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:32:59 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:32:22 PM
Well for starters, do you have an age approximation on your compatriot?
They're 18.

Oh shit.

Right. That's going to be something really difficult to work around. Do you know if it's their first deal with the "I love you thing" or have they had that before?

Epsira · October 24, 2015, 07:36:44 PM

Quote from: Engrapadora on October 24, 2015, 07:32:54 PM

Try bringing the conversation to really weird places every time she talks to you. If all you ever talk about is tentacle raping futa goo ponies or whatever, eventually she'll just stop messaging you.

Unless she's really worth it

OT:

First thing's first, what do you want? Do you reciprocate?

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:36:54 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:34:37 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:32:59 PM
Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:32:22 PM
Well for starters, do you have an age approximation on your compatriot?
They're 18.

Oh shit.

Right. That's going to be something really difficult to work around. Do you know if it's their first deal with the "I love you thing" or have they had that before?

They're tricky, because they are kind of socially inept, they have been abused pretty badly, they've had a couple relationships which ended up being trash. I'm one of those only people she's probably had one with that's actually a decent person. So it's really confusing for her and I.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:38:44 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:36:54 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:34:37 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:32:59 PM
Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:32:22 PM
Well for starters, do you have an age approximation on your compatriot?
They're 18.

Oh shit.

Right. That's going to be something really difficult to work around. Do you know if it's their first deal with the "I love you thing" or have they had that before?
They're tricky, because they are kind of socially inept, they have been abused pretty badly, they've had a couple relationships which ended up being trash. I'm one of those only people she's probably had one with that's actually a decent person. So it's really confusing for her and I.

Okay then. Walking on a minefield. It's technically the whole "first love" deal then. Those are really, really fucking hard to work with without ending in tears if one side doesn't return the sentiments.

So, first things first, what's your take on them?

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:39:39 PM

Quote from: Epsira on October 24, 2015, 07:36:44 PM

Quote from: Engrapadora on October 24, 2015, 07:32:54 PM
Try bringing the conversation to really weird places every time she talks to you. If all you ever talk about is tentacle raping futa goo ponies or whatever, eventually she'll just stop messaging you.
Unless she's really worth it

OT:
First thing's first, what do you want? Do you reciprocate?

To be honest I just wish it could be over and I wish she could just go on being happy without me. I have tried to make things work between us for a while. We seemed to come to a rather amazing realization that when we argue we both share the same feelings, when we're both getting our feelings hurt. That wasn't something I expected to happen, but still, I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I've been extremely emotionally hurt by this person before. Then again, I don't think they mean to do it.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:40:43 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:38:44 PM

See my last comment.

Dietrich Six · October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM

Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM

Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.

Hahahahaha nice.

Dietrich Six · October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.

life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:45:33 PM

It's funny because before, she didn't seem to realize that I actually care about her. She thinks that I am just some fair weather friend, so she took that as a ticket to treat me as if I was someone who just didn't care. She didn't realize that when she was accusing me of not caring and not understanding her, that she was actually really hurting my feelings. I find it really difficult to tell this person that I love them, because I do have a deep feeling for them, I just am really justified in saying that if I was in a relationship with them, it would probably be fucked up. I don't even know how I could say that to them.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:45:48 PM

Well, colour me a little bit stumped on that one. If you're not into the whole relationship deal, then it's not going to work. And there's a 90% chance that there isn't a fucking chance in hell that you can let her off gently without causing problems.

That kind of mental instability can't be reasoned with. She's got her sights on you square and she's likely going to be blind to reason and logic.

Honestly, I have a few ideas as to what you could do. But I doubt if they'd work. I'm sorry to say here, but I can't help. And I don't think there's any walking away from this cleanly.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:47:00 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.
life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.

That's the thing though. That happened before. I couldn't tell them that I wasn't interested in them, so they felt like they were lead on. It's really fucking confusing for me, because I'd never had anything like this happen to me before. This is probably one of the most confusing things I have ever had to deal with. Also one of the most painful.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:47:23 PM

And then you go and do a turnaround.

Great.

Why the fuck can people not just be open and honest. For fuck's sake.

Gimme a little bit to think about it.

Epsira · October 24, 2015, 07:47:38 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:39:39 PM

Quote from: Epsira on October 24, 2015, 07:36:44 PM
Quote from: Engrapadora on October 24, 2015, 07:32:54 PM
Try bringing the conversation to really weird places every time she talks to you. If all you ever talk about is tentacle raping futa goo ponies or whatever, eventually she'll just stop messaging you.
Unless she's really worth it

OT:
First thing's first, what do you want? Do you reciprocate?
To be honest I just wish it could be over and I wish she could just go on being happy without me.

If this means you want to cut off contact, then I'd just be honest, say "I'm not interested" and call it a day. I've done it before and it worked out.

Quote

I have tried to make things work between us for a while. We seemed to come to a rather amazing realization that when we argue we both share the same feelings, when we're both getting our feelings hurt.

What do you argue about?

Quote

That wasn't something I expected to happen, but still, I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I've been extremely emotionally hurt by this person before. Then again, I don't think they mean to do it.

If you're comfortable enough talking to them, clarify boundaries on what's kosher to say and what isn't.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:47:43 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:45:48 PM

Well, colour me a little bit stumped on that one. If you're not into the whole relationship deal, then it's not going to work. And there's a 90% chance that there isn't a fucking chance in hell that you can let her off gently without causing problems.

That kind of mental instability can't be reasoned with. She's got her sights on you square and she's likely going to be blind to reason and logic.

Honestly, I have a few ideas as to what you could do. But I doubt if they'd work. I'm sorry to say here, but I can't help. And I don't think there's any walking away from this cleanly.

Yeah :/

Dietrich Six · October 24, 2015, 07:47:55 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:47:00 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.
life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.
That's the thing though. That happened before. I couldn't tell them that I wasn't interested in them, so they felt like they were lead on. It's really fucking confusing for me, because I'd never had anything like this happen to me before. This is probably one of the most confusing things I have ever had to deal with. Also one of the most painful.

have you met this girl face to face yet?

DAS B00T x2 · October 24, 2015, 07:48:37 PM

Just be an asshole and really push them away. Once they're over the obsession later on, you can become regular friends again.

Trust me on experience, it works.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:49:41 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:47:55 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:47:00 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.
life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.
That's the thing though. That happened before. I couldn't tell them that I wasn't interested in them, so they felt like they were lead on. It's really fucking confusing for me, because I'd never had anything like this happen to me before. This is probably one of the most confusing things I have ever had to deal with. Also one of the most painful.
have you met this girl face to face yet?

No.

maverick · October 24, 2015, 07:51:21 PM

you can just say "he" instead of "they"

Dietrich Six · October 24, 2015, 07:52:48 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:49:41 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:47:55 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:47:00 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.
life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.
That's the thing though. That happened before. I couldn't tell them that I wasn't interested in them, so they felt like they were lead on. It's really fucking confusing for me, because I'd never had anything like this happen to me before. This is probably one of the most confusing things I have ever had to deal with. Also one of the most painful.
have you met this girl face to face yet?
No.

Yeah man, I would just end it.

Dating crazy girls is no fun, no matter what you do it won't be good enough.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:55:47 PM

Quote from: Epsira on October 24, 2015, 07:47:38 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:39:39 PM
Quote from: Epsira on October 24, 2015, 07:36:44 PM
Quote from: Engrapadora on October 24, 2015, 07:32:54 PM
Try bringing the conversation to really weird places every time she talks to you. If all you ever talk about is tentacle raping futa goo ponies or whatever, eventually she'll just stop messaging you.
Unless she's really worth it

OT:
First thing's first, what do you want? Do you reciprocate?
To be honest I just wish it could be over and I wish she could just go on being happy without me.

If this means you want to cut off contact, then I'd just be honest, say "I'm not interested" and call it a day. I've done it before and it worked out.

I think I have tried to tell them that I am not interested in a relationship before. I think the thing is, that since I have feeling for them, and they accurately guessed that I do, they take that as a ticket to keep trying to be in a relationship with me. So I have tried to tell them that I don't think that we can be in a relationship with them, they take it as something they did wrong, they start incessantly babbling about how they love me, they can't help it, blah blah blah. I came to the realization that they won't accept no for an answer, unless I say I don't love them.

Quote

Quote
I have tried to make things work between us for a while. We seemed to come to a rather amazing realization that when we argue we both share the same feelings, when we're both getting our feelings hurt.
What do you argue about?

I explained a little in the last comment. We argue about how blah blah blah, I don't care, blah blah blah, they really love me. I didn't really become clear to me until today, they won't take no for an answer. They won't be satisfied with anything I say, unless I say I love them. It's an amazing thing to me, how something as simple as saying I love you can change a person's whole chemistry and make them not depressed. Especially for them, because they have extreme issues.

Quote

Quote
That wasn't something I expected to happen, but still, I don't know if I will be able to handle it. I've been extremely emotionally hurt by this person before. Then again, I don't think they mean to do it.
If you're comfortable enough talking to them, clarify boundaries on what's kosher to say and what isn't.

[/quote]I have been trying to do that a lot honestly. You know what makes it really hard, but they won't let me attribute any of the problems to? They have a really big opium addiction.

Elai · October 24, 2015, 07:57:18 PM

Just show them your posts on here.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 07:59:03 PM

Nope. I'm sorry man. We're walking into some higher based psychological issues and other minefields that are way the fuck out of my league. Anything I say at this point would just makes thing worse. Sorry.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:59:18 PM

Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:52:48 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:49:41 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:47:55 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:47:00 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:44:23 PM
Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:41:54 PM
Quote from: DietrichSix on October 24, 2015, 07:41:11 PM
Whatever you do, let Jim down easy. He's a sweetheart.
Hahahahaha nice.
life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing.

If you want a relationship, pursue it.
If you don't, make that clear.

Playing along to not hurt someone's feelings is worse than just telling them.
That's the thing though. That happened before. I couldn't tell them that I wasn't interested in them, so they felt like they were lead on. It's really fucking confusing for me, because I'd never had anything like this happen to me before. This is probably one of the most confusing things I have ever had to deal with. Also one of the most painful.
have you met this girl face to face yet?
No.
Yeah man, I would just end it.

Dating crazy girls is no fun, no matter what you do it won't be good enough.

I'm just being hopelessly romantic at this point, but I will say I wish it could go back to the way it was before. When we had those sometimes all day long conversations that would lead to a lot of really interesting connections between us. Back when it was just a friendship and it wasn't all about talking about whether or not I feel anything for them, which is pretty much the biggest thing they'll tell me is that I don't care. They know that I feel for them, which I guess could alleviate all of the major misconceptions that were happening in our arguments, but at the same time they need serious help. They refuse to get any medical or psychiatric treatment and they need it desperately.

Loaf · October 24, 2015, 07:59:57 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:59:03 PM

Nope. I'm sorry man. We're walking into some higher based psychological issues and other minefields that are way the fuck out of my league. Anything I say at this point would just makes thing worse. Sorry.

I understand. I do have a psychologist, I will probably bring it up with them.

Sandtrap · October 24, 2015, 08:02:57 PM

Quote from: Loaf on October 24, 2015, 07:59:57 PM

Quote from: Deadtrap on October 24, 2015, 07:59:03 PM
Nope. I'm sorry man. We're walking into some higher based psychological issues and other minefields that are way the fuck out of my league. Anything I say at this point would just makes thing worse. Sorry.
I understand. I do have a psychologist, I will probably bring it up with them.

That's your best bet.

Honestly, all I can say is that nobody here can help you with that issue. This is something a trained proffessional could handle. Mr. Psyche is probably the closest one here, but he's out of his league with this too.

Talk to your doc.