Translation time!

''when ur out with the lads partys buzzing fair raving smashed off yer tits strolling down the streets of manchester eyed up and down by lass' you know they lovin it eye em back yeah would prob nosh on ur nob for a fiver slags banter is strong right laugh no rest for the dick head  and ur mate johnson whose an absolute ledge got munchies after a few j's get take away fuckin love me garlic mayo they got curry house paki food dunno lads u fukcin what mate and andy the archbishop of banterbury says "ay lads how about a cheeky nandos?" "lets smash it" top night''

+++Translating+++

When you are out with your male friends at a partying event involving loud music and intoxicants, then find yourself walking down the streets of Baghdad you are being evaluated as a potential customer by a prostitute who would perform a lewd act for £5. Her verbal ripostes are very humorous and provide no respite for your friend (referred to affectionately as a 'dickhead' in an ironic manner) then your friend Johnson who is a well renowned and respected member of your group begins to get hungry, possibly as a result of cannabis consumption. After a few minutes they discuss purchasing a takeaway (Fast food to be consumed off the premises) and the speaker then proclaims his affection for garlic mayonnaise and discusses how there is also Anglicized-Indian cuisine with an owner of pakistani descent, he then queries his friends as to what other nutritional options exist on the high street when a third friend, Andrew, (Affectionately referred to here as the archbishop of banterbury, a tongue in cheek comparison between his linguistic duelling skills and the head of the church of england) suggests they eat food at Nando's restaurant, with the nickname Cheeky Nandos as a part of a social media based forced meme among degenerates. He then concludes his speech with a proclamation to 'thoroughly enjoy their time' and finally states that it was indeed a splendid evening.