Oh, it isn't finished?Maybe you should have waited till it was done. I didn't know you would have posted the whole thing.
STARDUST
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Are you going to self publish it on kindle and act superior because you have a book even though you're dying inside because no one has even viewed the page let alone bought it?
in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.
Quote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 12:33:56 PMin the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.
Quote from: Big Boss on January 28, 2016, 12:51:31 PMQuote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 12:33:56 PMin the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.
Quote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 01:02:29 PMQuote from: Big Boss on January 28, 2016, 12:51:31 PMQuote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 12:33:56 PMin the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.Hmm alrighty. I'm not even sure if I want to keep those first two paragraphs in the prologue anyway, or just jump straight into the history.
Quote from: Big Boss on January 28, 2016, 01:05:00 PMQuote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 01:02:29 PMQuote from: Big Boss on January 28, 2016, 12:51:31 PMQuote from: Comet on January 28, 2016, 12:33:56 PMin the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.Hmm alrighty. I'm not even sure if I want to keep those first two paragraphs in the prologue anyway, or just jump straight into the history.the first paragraph is solid, imo. if you were to transition that 'small spec of dust can cause huge change' theme into the history and world building in the next 4 paragraphs which is what im assuming you're doing (havent read past P5), then on to your main story potentailly. the P2 seems so out of place and im not sure if that is because perspective change or because its a little rambling almost. a tangent.fuck, i feel like my goddamn english teacher.honestly write for your own enjoyment and dont worry too much about it.
Do you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?
Quote from: Pip on January 28, 2016, 08:41:46 PMDo you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?I had it all stashed up. I'll start updating it if people are into it.
Quote from: Big Boss on January 28, 2016, 08:44:24 PMQuote from: Pip on January 28, 2016, 08:41:46 PMDo you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?I had it all stashed up. I'll start updating it if people are into it.I'll try reading it up tommorow, if I don't keep writing chapter one of Alternate Realities.