Captain Stardust: A sci fi story in progress

Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
So these past few months I've been adding to a sci fi story I've been writing. I've done about 50-something pages so far (oh dear) and I figured I'd post it here because why not, and it will also be good to get feedback and new ideas and suggestions. So without further ado...

CAPTAIN STARDUST

A far-reaching space epic set against a comedy drama, Captain Stardust follows Jeff and Hal, two crew members of the spaceship Maria as they travel the gulf of space, taking odd jobs here and there because they really need the cash. After all, you can't always rely on toothpaste for nourishment. However in the background, a dark conspiracy is unraveling, with centuries-old beings and fearsome mechanical terrors locked in a conflict that could shape the fate of the universe itself.

None of that really matters to Jeff though, he just wants something to eat.




Prologue
Spoiler

Chapter 1
Spoiler

Chapter 2
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Last Edit: January 27, 2016, 08:31:39 PM by Big Boss


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 3

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Chapter 4

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Chapter 5

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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 6

Spoiler
Last Edit: January 27, 2016, 08:30:22 PM by Big Boss


 
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You either die a hero or live long enough to become Mythic..
Oh, it isn't finished?

Maybe you should have waited till it was done. I didn't know you would have posted the whole thing.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Oh, it isn't finished?

Maybe you should have waited till it was done. I didn't know you would have posted the whole thing.

Lel I'm nowhere near done.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 7
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 8
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 9
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STARDUST

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Are you going to self publish it on kindle and act superior because you have a book even though you're dying inside because no one has even viewed the page let alone bought it?


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Are you going to self publish it on kindle and act superior because you have a book even though you're dying inside because no one has even viewed the page let alone bought it?

I was gonna put it on Kindle then cry myself to sleep because nobody bought it. And all this was written months ago on Google docs, I just dumped it here so I can eventually add to it or something.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 10

Spoiler


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in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.

Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.


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in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.

Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.
by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.
it seems like you're talking directly to the reader in the first two paragraphs, but you used 3rd person in the first paragraph then switched for some reason.
Last Edit: January 28, 2016, 01:04:30 PM by Comet


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.

Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.
by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.

Hmm alrighty. I'm not even sure if I want to keep those first two paragraphs in the prologue anyway, or just jump straight into the history.


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in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.

Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.
by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.

Hmm alrighty. I'm not even sure if I want to keep those first two paragraphs in the prologue anyway, or just jump straight into the history.
the first paragraph is solid, imo. if you were to transition that 'small spec of dust can cause huge change' theme into the history and world building in the next 4 paragraphs which is what im assuming you're doing (havent read past P5), then on to your main story potentailly.
the P2 seems so out of place and im not sure if that is because perspective change or because its a little rambling almost. a tangent.

fuck, i feel like my goddamn english teacher.
honestly write for your own enjoyment and dont worry too much about it.
Last Edit: January 28, 2016, 01:16:39 PM by Comet


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
in the prologue you switched to 2nd person in the second paragraph then went back to 3rd in the next. it bugs me. ill come back and read this in more detail in a bit.

Yeah the first part of the prologue is meant to be like someone telling the reader that.
by using 3rd person you already effectively have a narrator "telling" the story already.

Hmm alrighty. I'm not even sure if I want to keep those first two paragraphs in the prologue anyway, or just jump straight into the history.
the first paragraph is solid, imo. if you were to transition that 'small spec of dust can cause huge change' theme into the history and world building in the next 4 paragraphs which is what im assuming you're doing (havent read past P5), then on to your main story potentailly.
the P2 seems so out of place and im not sure if that is because perspective change or because its a little rambling almost. a tangent.

fuck, i feel like my goddamn english teacher.
honestly write for your own enjoyment and dont worry too much about it.

The speck of dust thing was more of an analogy about the smallest thing being able to make a massive change, which is gonna happen in the story, to kind of give a hint about the kind of thing that's going to happen.

And I wanna make sure it's solid because I'd like to be a writer eventually so I need to make sure it works.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 11
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 12
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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Chapter 13
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Last Edit: January 29, 2016, 06:30:22 PM by Big Boss


 
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You either die a hero or live long enough to become Mythic..
Do you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?



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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Do you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?

I had it all stashed up. I'll start updating it if people are into it.


 
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You either die a hero or live long enough to become Mythic..
Do you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?

I had it all stashed up. I'll start updating it if people are into it.

I'll try reading it up tommorow, if I don't keep writing chapter one of Alternate Realities.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
Do you make these in a couple hours or do you have a bunch stashed up?

I had it all stashed up. I'll start updating it if people are into it.

I'll try reading it up tommorow, if I don't keep writing chapter one of Alternate Realities.

No rush.


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Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
I'm writing it all on Google Docs and it's setup so people can read it while I'm writing in real time. Thought I'd drop it here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dVNqk9YxRyz9mXiXVwZOtu2vb2MMKghp7jhmX09RJxk/edit?usp=sharing