Yep. One of these. Don't care though. I am aware that talking about shit helps and right now I need to do a little bit of talking.
A friend of mine up and asks me last night how my christmas was.
And I thanked them for even asking.
When they asked why, they brought something to my attention. I'm aware of it now, thankfully. But it's bad. I thanked them for even asking me because I didn't expect a friend to do that for me. And that's bad. That means I'm starting to close up to shit and people. My perception's been changing and I didn't even see it. That's a defensive tactic I used as a kid.
Hate people. Dislike people, shut yourself out and go cold so that anything they say or do has little to no effect. That's bad right now. That's a bad fucking sign of depression and that means I'm just kind of sitting around teetering over the edge of the start to the point of no return.
And frankly, I no longer know what to do. If I turn my attention on one side, to one problem, I get hit in the back by the others. And even shittier, I've noticed that I've switched sides.
People influence each other right? I used to make folks laugh and have an easy going presence. I don't talk anymore. And watching folks around me when they talk to me, they see me, and they hear me, their mood goes to the shitter. Where I could normally smile of my free choice because I could, and turn the day around, I realize that I can't make myself laugh. I can't even fucking smile.
I'm temporarily aware of all this mess and I don't know what the fuck to do to fix it this time.
Blatant Attention Whore Thread