Have you ever watched someone die?
In person?
It really changes things.
I watched a boy get hit by a bus once.
He was riding a bike, and it came and struck him head on. When the paramedics arrived he was already gone.
I stood there and watched until they had taken him away, his blood still on the street.
It was just outside of a football stadium, where we were about to play.
I put it back in the corner of my mind, and played our stand tunes, and tried to focus on the marching drill, but that night I didn't sleep, or get on the internet, or distract myself.
I lay awake all night staring at the ceiling.
Really shaking stuff.