Afraid of talking to friends

Ian | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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A year or so back, a buddy of mine who I frequently have game nights on MCC with me, basically chewed me out. He told me I have to start initiating things more, at the time he always sent me invites on Xbox and texted me telling me to get on so we can play some Halo or Minecraft because we both knew we were both free and up for it but he was always the one started the invitations. Nothing has really changed since then and it's been running on two years. It's not just with him either, back in 2013, before my father's condition worsened my second oldest brother was practically dark for prolonged periods of time. I relied on talking to him via Skype but I always waited for him to start a conversation and I never would even though it showed him online and available. I didn't know much about his predicaments since he was living in Manhattan but he's gotten better at talking to me since the beginning of 2014.

I'm afraid of attempting to talk to the friends I really care about out of fear of rejection. The last thing I want is for someone to tell me they're angry with me, or that they're angry and are actively ignoring me and attempting to talk to them would only make it worse. I would rather have someone upset with me but have a situation that is repairable over someone being angry at me and leaving me in the dark or losing the friendship. I also don't want to come off as imposing on them or clinging to them desperately. Even though I'm told attempting to talk to them wont bother them and that most times they're just really busy, I get very paranoid if I try to talk and I'm only met with silence.

I don't know how to prevent it. It started after I graduated and was basically a NEET for six months but lately it's been eating at me more so than usual these past couple of months and I have a hard time focusing on work or enjoying my free time because of it. There are people I want to talk too but I'm afraid they're angry or upset at me, or that I would be bothering them if I tried, or that they're bored of interacting with me. I get afraid of saying something to them so I don't say anything and then when I continue to get silence I start to freak out.

Does anyone have advice on a situation or know of somebody who has had a situation like this and relieved it?


Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I too don't initiate things, now I'm stuck in a limbo with no end in sight, just for different reasons, shits complicated.


Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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In my case I usually don't have anything that I think my close friends would be interested in, when I do have something I share, but it typically doesn't go very far. And I've always felt since I was a kid that the people I know, friends included don't really bother starting conversations with me since they don't think I'm as fun to talk to as their other friends, so I find myself feeling rather lonely because of that.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...


Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...
Bother me with some loli doujins and I'll return the favor.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...
Bother me with some loli doujins and I'll return the favor.
Does that mean your penis is working again?


Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...
Bother me with some loli doujins and I'll return the favor.
Does that mean your penis is working again?
Its making a comeback, not quite like how it was 4 years ago, fapping twice a day, but its getting there.


 
DAS B00T x2
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This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...
Bother me with some loli doujins and I'll return the favor.
Does that mean your penis is working again?
Its making a comeback, not quite like how it was 4 years ago, fapping twice a day, but its getting there.
Okay.
I've been taking a loli break though. Is shota acceptable? Trap shota?


Aether | Mythic Invincible!
 
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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
I'm a pretty boring person with nothing going for them so I don't talk much to people. (Which I actually hate because I feel like I seriously need the shit, and I don't like that I haven't really gotten to know very many people any better) However, I started to not give a fuck and talked a lot to certain dudes on xbox until I got sick to the point where I was so distant we moved our separate ways. And now I hardly talk to anyone again.

From my experience though, not talking makes shit worse.

Don't lose contacts or burn bridges. Don't be a lonely boy like me.


Ian | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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This is similar. I have friends who I want to talk to, but we don't talk about a whole lot. So I feel there's nothing they want to say to me so they're just uninterested.

And I've always felt since I was a kid that the people I know, friends included don't really bother starting conversations with me since they don't think I'm as fun to talk to as their other friends

I don't want to. But I'm so afraid of the possibility of people rejecting me since that's all people have ever done, it gets so tiring.

Quote
Don't lose contacts or burn bridges. Don't be a lonely boy like me.
Last Edit: March 01, 2016, 09:58:35 PM by Gaara444


N/A | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I dunno bro.
I don't talk to people because I don't want to be a bother...
Bother me with some loli doujins and I'll return the favor.
Does that mean your penis is working again?
Its making a comeback, not quite like how it was 4 years ago, fapping twice a day, but its getting there.
Okay.
I've been taking a loli break though. Is shota acceptable? Trap shota?
I guess? I'd prefer normal traps, tbh, but whatever works I guess.


Aether | Mythic Invincible!
 
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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.

I don't want to. But I'm so afraid of the possibility of people rejecting me since that's all people have ever done, it gets so tiring.
Why? You do anything that deserves rejection? Accept and embrace humility and no one can put you down any further. If someone doesn't like you simply for who you are then they aren't worth the effort to command their respect.


 
Sandtrap
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Rockets on my X
Anxiety. Honestly, I can't really help you there. I know little about dealing with anxiety since I've never been an anxious kind of person.


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I used to be like that, and I can still act in such a way on occasion, but the only advice I can really give you is to just drop your inhibitions and bother someone.


 
Alternative Facts
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You know you can always message me.


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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What the fuck is happening in this thread.


Onyx Sentinel | Heroic Posting Riot
 
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I avoid initiating things, its just a hassle. Would rather be in peace.


Yu | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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What the fuck is happening in this thread.
Lonely people being lonely.


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
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OKAy so by not hitting your friends up you're are driving them away and everything you feared is going to come true

imagine that you're the one on the opposite end. You keep hitting a friend up and when you do you guys talk ect, but if you're not the first one making conversation he never makes an attempt to talk to you. How does that make you feel? Probably like that friend doesn't really like you, so you're gonna push away ect

Be proud of anything that you say and apologize less.

“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his.”

Be PROUD of what you say. It is hard but this goes deep into self confidence ect. Treat everything you say as important, do not apologize for being you. Talk to them first, force yourself to do it even when it makes you uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY when it makes you uncomfortable.

Challenge for you: for the next week, everyday be the one to initiate conversation with a friend or whoever you want to talk to. Even if it's something stupid like "hey i saw this today and it reminded me of you ect ect". The only way you're going to be able to do it more is by doing it more. Once you break the initial discomfort it'll get easier and easier.

I don't care if you think you're bothering them. Tbh I don't know you or your friends, maybe you might be?? That's besides the point though because the purpose is to just do it

There is no point in telling you "they're not going to be bothered by you" because you won't believe it no matter what, the only way to prove yourself wrong is just contact them. So yeah, for the next week at least 1 different person everyday.


Prototape | Respected Member
 
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I'm the same way, only even if they initiate it I don't always respond either.  I'm just not always up to talking or doing stuff, I've gone a couple months without talking to anyone.  I'm mostly afraid of losing any small amount of free time I have, I've become really possessive over every minute of my time the last couple years because of my shit job. 


 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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Spartan | Legendary Invincible!
 
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I very rarely initiate discussion, and if I do I get very worried about it. Recently, I was going to a uni interview and decided to ask a friend if they wanted to meet up, and for the longest time I was debating with myself whether I should send it or not. I had wrote the message like 4 times before actually sending it. It all worked out well in the end, I genuinely had nothing to be worried about.

You shouldn't worry about talking to friends, presumably since you call them "friend" they know you well and you know them, worrying about it and not talking to them will just push them away further than saying something that you think is stupid. I'm trying to do it myself. When it comes to people you may not know well, I understand the concern, but just try to be yourself around the people you do know.


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I love you, son.


 
 
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<.<
I had a bit of trouble with this a couple of years back, I'd keep making myself ill to avoid seeing friends. Not exactly the best coping strategy in hindsight but the fear of being rude and saying that I couldn't face seeing people that day was stronger than the more logical 'don't intentionally make yourself ill' thoughts.

And the times where I felt like I'd been ill far too much and had to see them, the apprehension from not seeing them in a long time made the days leading up to it incredibly stressful.

What I found though, was that when I finally met up with them it was all fine and the anxiety pretty much vanished. It's strange that, but as a rule of thumb the thoughts of what might happen are always worse than what will actually happen.

A friend is a friend, I see my schoolmates about twice a year these days but as soon as we all meet up it's like we only saw each other yesterday. I would try not to think about it too much.

I really hate messaging people when my name is tied to the account, so facebook/emails/official shite. So to get around the dread I just send the message and immediately close the tab and vanish for an hour or so. It's silly but it worked for me and it might work for you <.<



 
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You will find out who you are not a thousand times, before you ever discover who you are. I hope you find peace in yourself and learn to love instead of hate.
I'm sort of the same, I can talk to people I just don't enjoy it very much


BaconShelf | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I can sympathise. MY friends often have a go at me because I'm part of group conversations on facebook but never actually say anything, just sit there and watch.


Ian | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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And should I do anything if there's no responses back?

Challenge for you: for the next week, everyday be the one to initiate conversation with a friend or whoever you want to talk to. Even if it's something stupid like "hey i saw this today and it reminded me of you ect ect". The only way you're going to be able to do it more is by doing it more. Once you break the initial discomfort it'll get easier and easier.

I know Senpai. But I'm afraid that I'd be annoying/bugging you when you're busy with important things.

You know you can always message me.


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I avoid initiating things because I can usually find better uses of my time.