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Acts of Gord
Acts of Gord
Septy
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Inconceivable!
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See you Cowgirl,
Someday, somewhere
http://www.actsofgord.com/index.php
I fucking love these, Gord is a guy that runs a Videogame rental store and he blogs about everyday experiences. They're fucking hilarious.
Spoiler
A quiet night as the Gord was preparing a letter to be sent off. Then suddenly an individual runs up and kicks the front door to the store as hard as he can.
"What the hell is he doing?" thought the Gord as he stood up.
The attacker tried a second time to kick the door down. Failing that, he turned and left the scene.
The Gord was an angry Gord, and the Gord was a vengeful Gord.
The Gord hopped over the counter and exited the store. He quickly caught up to the two would be thieves across the street from the staircase exit to a lower level nightclub.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" queried the Gord in a most unpleasant fashion.
"We're just walking" was the response.
"Trying to kick down doors is a part of your walk!?" questioned the Gord.
"You want trouble? You got trouble!" spoke one of the two individuals that Gord had stopped. The individual pulled out a metal pipe from his jacket.
The Gord was curious why he hadn't used that to try and take the door down.
Anyway, the vandal wasn't very proficient in using a weapon and levelled it above his head in a threatening fashion. Fortunately the Gord was trained for just this scenario. He stepped in, ensured the arm could not swing the pipe at the Gord while the Gord's other hand came up and proceeded to send the vandals nose into his cranium. The stories are true. When you do that to a person there truly is blood everywhere.
While the vandal was dropping back and screaming in pain as his blood went everywhere, the second vandal stood in surprise. Before the first person even hits the ground the Gord side kicked the second person in the chest and send him careening down a cement staircase.
The conflict was resolved in two hits. The Gord was 2 and 0.
The Gord picked up the pipe and returned to the store. Shortly there after the police and paramedics arrived. According to one of the officers on the scene a group of four guys gang beat up the two guys. Or at least, that was their story.
For if you cross the Gord, the Gord shall strike you down!
Spoiler
So stuff gets stolen. Gord does what he can to control it. There is damn near no live stock on the floor and people sometimes just don't bring back rentals. It happens. They get sent to collections and their credit shot, but it's all in the context of doing business. It's never personal, I assume they aren't coming in to steal from Gord personally.
One buddy decides to make it personal one day.
So buddy comes into the store and sits down by the window where there was a tres cool super deformed Solid Snake and Merrill covering his eyes. Trust me, it was a beauty. The Gord didn't pay attention to what he was doing as there was nothing really over there and there were customers in the store.
Then he migrates over to the used Genesis games, and finally leaves.
When he left a regular noted that buddy had stolen a game. When checked, he had stolen David Robinson's Supreme Court. It was priced at $2.
Then Gord noticed that buddy had scratched a good chunk of the mural in the window. Not only had he stole a crap game to prove he could, and vandalized the store.
The Gord was enflamed with rage and swore that he would find the person and revenge would be extracted! He would not rest until the retribution was at hand.
Gord quickly learned that the thief and vandal worked at a local department store. He went down there that night and found the thief working. Rather than simply confronting the thief as that wouldn't be enough, Gord masterminded a brilliant plan that children still sing songs about to this day.
He went up and made sure to talk to the thief for a couple minutes for the security camera, then he made sure to take an item from the department he worked in to the cashier.
With his purchase in hand, Gord proceeded to the customer service desk and went into a huge story about how the "Mike in Gardening" was rude to him, told him to "fuck off" and made sexual comments to the female companion that was with Gord. Another employee vouched for what happened (a friend of Gord who was working there at the time), and customer service offered to give the Gord his purchase for free (Gord declined, as then that would be theft and Gord would be no better than those Gord sought to destroy).
Seems management was VERY angry with our thief Mike here and was promptly fired.
Gord is a contentious Gord. Fear the Gord and do not cross the Gord. He who sows injustice will reap calamity, and the rod of his fury will fail. Embrace the Gord.
^Some examples
January 09, 2015, 03:59:16 PM
1 liked this
Mat Cauthon
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http://rx-zer0.tumblr.com/post/110647769733/audio_player_iframe/rx-zer0/tumblr_njkjg38E6Q1tnvqu7?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fa.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_njkjg38E6Q1tnvqu7o1.mp3&color=white&simple=1
lol
Great stuff.
January 09, 2015, 04:02:35 PM
slayingold
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Corgi is best land animal
Gord is my idle now x3
January 09, 2015, 04:04:08 PM
1 liked this
Septy
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See you Cowgirl,
Someday, somewhere
Spoiler
Spring day. The door is held open by the Nintendo 64 lodged in the frame. And people are flocking to the outside in the warmth of the approaching summer.
Into the store rides our friend, the customer who always comes in to Gord's store, checks everything out, annoy's Gord with many questions, and never buys anything from Gord. Not once in recorded history. He was very much in the "very annoying" class.
And by riding into the store, I mean that literally. He rides his bike into the middle of the store and parks it in the middle.
"You know, we discussed this last time that I have a bike rack outside for a reason."
"But I'm afraid it might get stolen."
"Perhaps if you used your bike lock that's on your bike at this very instance."
"That's too much work. Oh! Is that Perfect Dark? Can I play?"
"No. That's reserved for paying customers."
"I'm a paying customer."
"What's your phone number? I'll check your account."
"Uhm... it won't be in there."
"I know that. It was a rhetorical question."
"I'll just go back there and watch then."
"Might I suggest you move your bike then, perhaps somewhere like the bike rack?"
"It will be ok right there."
"It's in the middle of my store."
But deaf ears those words fell on. Anyway, customer walks in as this was happening, so Gord wasn't able to push the issue. Paying customer picks up game they ordered. Paying customer hits bike with purse when they are turning around. It almost falls on her nice clothes and other bag on the ground.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!"
"That's ok ma'am. Let me take care of that."
Gord yells to non-paying customer "Your bike fell over!"
"That's ok. I'll pick it up when I go back up front."
Gord decides to walk around the counter and picks up the bike. Then Gord carries it to the door, out the door, and then tosses it 15 feet sending it crashing along the cement in front of the store.
"What the hell are you doing!?" screams the non-paying customer as he runs up front.
"You're bike fell over twice. It landed just outside and to your left on the second time."
<profanities ensue.>
"Does this mean you've learned that using bike racks will prevent your bike from falling?"
"Next time I see you, I'm going to kick your ass!"
"Oh no! Not 'next time!' Anything but 'next time!' Much better than 'oh, right now.' Have a good day. Bike's to your left."
January 09, 2015, 04:05:14 PM
Sep7agon
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Acts of Gord