Who here has had suicidal thoughts lately?

Sandtrap · February 03, 2016, 11:41:16 AM

Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 11:33:17 AM

I actually get very severely bummed out a lot, mostly when I don't have anything to do(like if I beat a game).

I don't think it's depression though.

You'd be surprised, actually. Depression really isn't some magical outside affliction that people just catch. Everybody is prone to depression naturally. It's a thing that exists for every living person. It's primarily called a depression because on a graph of emotions, the bar swings downwards when somebody is sad. It's a dent in your emotional spectrum.

But, there's all sorts of different aspects of depression. What's important is how severe depression is and when it gets to the point that people start becoming affected negatively on a consistent basis by it. So you can actually say that it is depression.

But it's not one you likely need to worry about.

Ender · February 03, 2016, 02:09:36 PM

I think my biggest problem is not being able to talk to another person about my problems.

I mean, I have people I can talk to, I just either don't want to or I can't.

Sandtrap · February 03, 2016, 03:09:52 PM

Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 02:09:36 PM

I think my biggest problem is not being able to talk to another person about my problems.

I mean, I have people I can talk to, I just either don't want to or I can't.

Yeah, see, that's a bad one to have. Everybody needs a little bit of communication. Even the lonliest fucker out there needs to talk sometimes. But it's real important that you know how to communicate your problems. That's also how you stand up for yourself if you have a problem with somebody.

Otherwise, if you don't, everything just stays cooped up inside. And that's real bad. That's how folks have meltdowns and go on school safari hunting trips. Or they develop a psychosomatic disorder, which is all the bad stuff in your head actually having a physical effect on your health.

gats · February 03, 2016, 03:11:53 PM

I've been feeling pretty good the past 2 days, hopefully I keep it up.

Ender · February 03, 2016, 03:16:26 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on February 03, 2016, 03:09:52 PM

Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 02:09:36 PM
I think my biggest problem is not being able to talk to another person about my problems.

I mean, I have people I can talk to, I just either don't want to or I can't.

Yeah, see, that's a bad one to have. Everybody needs a little bit of communication. Even the lonliest fucker out there needs to talk sometimes. But it's real important that you know how to communicate your problems. That's also how you stand up for yourself if you have a problem with somebody.

Otherwise, if you don't, everything just stays cooped up inside. And that's real bad. That's how folks have meltdowns and go on school safari hunting trips. Or they develop a psychosomatic disorder, which is all the bad stuff in your head actually having a physical effect on your health.

Yeah, I just don't know how to "fix" this problem.

Sandtrap · February 03, 2016, 03:25:17 PM

Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 03:16:26 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on February 03, 2016, 03:09:52 PM
Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 02:09:36 PM
I think my biggest problem is not being able to talk to another person about my problems.

I mean, I have people I can talk to, I just either don't want to or I can't.

Yeah, see, that's a bad one to have. Everybody needs a little bit of communication. Even the lonliest fucker out there needs to talk sometimes. But it's real important that you know how to communicate your problems. That's also how you stand up for yourself if you have a problem with somebody.

Otherwise, if you don't, everything just stays cooped up inside. And that's real bad. That's how folks have meltdowns and go on school safari hunting trips. Or they develop a psychosomatic disorder, which is all the bad stuff in your head actually having a physical effect on your health.
Yeah, I just don't know how to "fix" this problem.

That's why you tell somebody. The old addage, "two heads are better than one" usually holds true. Where you can't see any solution, somebody else with a different head and set way of thinking might be able to figure out something you never thought of or even saw before.

Ender · February 03, 2016, 03:33:58 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on February 03, 2016, 03:25:17 PM

Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 03:16:26 PM
Quote from: Sandtrap on February 03, 2016, 03:09:52 PM
Quote from: Ender on February 03, 2016, 02:09:36 PM
I think my biggest problem is not being able to talk to another person about my problems.

I mean, I have people I can talk to, I just either don't want to or I can't.

Yeah, see, that's a bad one to have. Everybody needs a little bit of communication. Even the lonliest fucker out there needs to talk sometimes. But it's real important that you know how to communicate your problems. That's also how you stand up for yourself if you have a problem with somebody.

Otherwise, if you don't, everything just stays cooped up inside. And that's real bad. That's how folks have meltdowns and go on school safari hunting trips. Or they develop a psychosomatic disorder, which is all the bad stuff in your head actually having a physical effect on your health.
Yeah, I just don't know how to "fix" this problem.

That's why you tell somebody. The old addage, "two heads are better than one" usually holds true. Where you can't see any solution, somebody else with a different head and set way of thinking might be able to figure out something you never thought of or even saw before.

You're right, thanks.

Scorch · February 03, 2016, 10:10:21 PM

tbh I'll probably end it all if things don't change next year

Scorch · February 03, 2016, 10:15:57 PM

Quote from: Kal on February 03, 2016, 10:13:48 PM

Quote from: Scorch on February 03, 2016, 10:10:21 PM
tbh I'll probably end it all if things don't change next year
please don't

Ok well I shouldnt have said that but you have to realize how awful it is looking forward a year into the future and realizing nothing is going to change. Then thinking about 5 years down the line and so on.

Sandtrap · February 04, 2016, 11:22:36 AM

Quote from: Scorch on February 03, 2016, 10:15:57 PM

Quote from: Kal on February 03, 2016, 10:13:48 PM
Quote from: Scorch on February 03, 2016, 10:10:21 PM
tbh I'll probably end it all if things don't change next year
please don't

Ok well I shouldnt have said that but you have to realize how awful it is looking forward a year into the future and realizing nothing is going to change. Then thinking about 5 years down the line and so on.

There's an important bit to that. Lemme give you an example. I think it was last year, or the year before it. I can't remember. All I can say is that I was in a shit way. Health at the bottom of the drain and all that. I was coming out of winter and into the first few weeks of spring.

Winter's long and harsh up here. Coops you up inside. Your muscles atrophy and you get used to doing nothing. Mixed with being sick and everything else, I looked at the start of the year and seriously asked myself what the fuck the point was. Why bother if I was just going to go through this over and over again and it wasn't going to change?

That's the important part. Telling yourself that it's not going to change.

You're the one in charge of your life. And you always have options and hands to play at different times. There is always something you can do.

So, you know what I did? I took a job to house-sit a farmstead while the owners were gone. I already knew about some of the stuff that was going on there. So, one day, still under snow, I looked at this immense fucking pile of wood in their backyard. 12 years of shit that piled up. And I said "Hey, you know where they want this stuff to go right? You could give them a hand. It'll be tough to do but maybe you'll get your strength back at the same time."

So I cleared it by myself. Ripped everything out of the ice piece by piece, cleaned it all up. It took me 5 months to do it by myself. Literally four dumptrucks worth of shit that I hauled out by hand. But I finished it. And I got a hell of a lot more than my old strength back. Overall, the year was pretty similar to the last.

But I changed one thing. It's another year now. Wonder what would happen if I changed another this year?

The same applies to you. You have to take it in steps. Small at first. But then you make bigger steps. Every year. One thing.

challengerX · February 04, 2016, 02:53:33 PM

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Tsirist · February 05, 2016, 01:57:56 PM

Sometimes I think about it and how it'd probably be easier, and how it might satisfy my curiosity about things. But on the other hand there's no guarantee I could come back here, and I'm hesitant to let myself think that this world is worth leaving. The worst that ever comes of it is temporarily increased isolation from other people, which sometimes feels good and sometimes doesn't.

Usually such thoughts come in moments of passion. Last time I was able to isolate myself healthily and for a long time was probably years ago, but I'd have to check. Actually now I kinda want to check heh.

Cindy · February 05, 2016, 05:59:11 PM

Every day, fam bam

Death · February 05, 2016, 07:50:54 PM

Never have, hopefully never will.
I always have something to strive and hope for. Something to keep me going.

Big Boss · February 05, 2016, 08:53:26 PM

I find death terrifying so the thought has never crossed my mind.

Mat Cauthon · February 05, 2016, 08:53:59 PM

OH BOY HAVE I!

R o c k e t · February 05, 2016, 09:37:31 PM

Not suicidal, just thinking about what it's like to die. The emotions, thoughts, pain that comes with it.

Bonewheel Barry · February 06, 2016, 07:46:09 PM

Nearly everyday. It can just overwhelm me for an hour or so then just disappear for the rest of the day.

Thun · February 06, 2016, 08:58:01 PM

Quote from: Cindy on February 05, 2016, 05:59:11 PM

Every day, fam bam

I love you Cindy.

If you kill yourself, I will too so I can join you in the Netherealm!