The Philosopher’s Syllogism

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All people are mortal. Some mortals are male. Some males are depressed. Not all redheaded mortals are depressed. Some redheads are black. All redheads have red hair. All Asians are redheads. None of those who are black are both depressed and Asian. All mortals are Asian. Socrates is tired. Most, but not all, redheads are weaklings. Some tired people are depressed. Some mortals are hopelessly depressed. What follows?


 
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
Some redhead depressed mortals are tired weaklings.


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Some redhead depressed mortals are tired weaklings.
close enough

A café has two waiters: Darius and Drump. Darius gets orders right 90 percent of the time. Drump is a lunatic who serves a single poached egg no matter what the customer orders. Out of the 21,000 items on the menu, 15,000 are designated as Breakfast Specials, a list that changes each day at the discretion of the chef. However, at least two-thirds of the Breakfast Specials are always Toast Plates (that is, they consist only of various kinds of toast in different proportions), while at least one half of the Breakfast Specials have the word “soup” in their title (though none of these necessarily contain soup). Otherwise, the menu is random. If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Hint: The chef has no name.



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My stupidity is self evident.
Some redhead depressed mortals are tired weaklings.
close enough

A café has two waiters: Darius and Drump. Darius gets orders right 90 percent of the time. Drump is a lunatic who serves a single poached egg no matter what the customer orders. Out of the 21,000 items on the menu, 15,000 are designated as Breakfast Specials, a list that changes each day at the discretion of the chef. However, at least two-thirds of the Breakfast Specials are always Toast Plates (that is, they consist only of various kinds of toast in different proportions), while at least one half of the Breakfast Specials have the word “soup” in their title (though none of these necessarily contain soup). Otherwise, the menu is random. If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Hint: The chef has no name.

This cafe sucks.


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This is pathetic, Cheat
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Some redhead depressed mortals are tired weaklings.
close enough

A café has two waiters: Darius and Drump. Darius gets orders right 90 percent of the time. Drump is a lunatic who serves a single poached egg no matter what the customer orders. Out of the 21,000 items on the menu, 15,000 are designated as Breakfast Specials, a list that changes each day at the discretion of the chef. However, at least two-thirds of the Breakfast Specials are always Toast Plates (that is, they consist only of various kinds of toast in different proportions), while at least one half of the Breakfast Specials have the word “soup” in their title (though none of these necessarily contain soup). Otherwise, the menu is random. If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Hint: The chef has no name.

This cafe sucks.
damn, close enough again


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If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...


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If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...
the answer is that no one goes to the shitty cafe anyway, so yeah


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If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...
the answer is that no one goes to the shitty cafe anyway, so yeah

I dunno man that cafe sounds like a great Gordon Ramsay swearmine


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If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...
the answer is that no one goes to the shitty cafe anyway, so yeah

I dunno man that cafe sounds like a great Gordon Ramsay swearmine
On his deathbed, your ailing father calls you close, presses a silver key into your hand, and whispers the following in your ear: “First, drop it. If nothing happens, you can taste it, but then you must burn it all. Do not under any circumstances let Shannon read it.” Why?


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My stupidity is self evident.
If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...
the answer is that no one goes to the shitty cafe anyway, so yeah
I think goji's is more correct though.


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If Drump can serve 16 customers in an hour, and Darius can serve one customer every seven hours, how many customers per day order soup and then actually receive soup?

Non sequitur? Verbatim is that you?

Theoretically 0 people could go to the cafe and all conditions wold be met, there's nothing actually regulating that people actually do go there to make the order...
the answer is that no one goes to the shitty cafe anyway, so yeah
I think goji's is more correct though.
i don't make the riddles, i just regurgitate them


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I too enjoy a good Clickhole article.

Quote
On his deathbed, your ailing father calls you close, presses a silver key into your hand, and whispers the following in your ear: “First, drop it. If nothing happens, you can taste it, but then you must burn it all. Do not under any circumstances let Shannon read it.” Why?

On an unrelated note, this is basically the setup for Arrow.
Last Edit: October 29, 2014, 02:22:54 AM by E̲n̲ga̲ge̲d̲T̲u̲r̲k̲e̲y