this forum probably isn't the best place for a meaningful conversation on this subject

Quote from: Varg on February 19, 2016, 11:14:46 PM

this forum probably isn't the best place for a meaningful conversation on this subject

gotta point

Sometimes I forget serious exists

I wouldn't expect it to be much better in Serious either

I didn't exactly consent to a sexual encounter once.
Years later it turns me on more than anything else

I always make bae sign a consent form.

I can't really say. But I live with somebody who's gone through it. And it's something you carry with you for the rest of your life. Some people can learn to move on if they get the right help and care.

The person I'm trying to take care of didn't.

Warning: poorly-organized rambling inbound:

How have I personally been affected by sexual abuse?

Indirectly, I have. A girl I dated a number of years ago had been raped by a previous boyfriend.

It ultimately didn't work out between us, but for entirely unrelated reasons.

It's very strange finding out someone was raped. Something changes about them. Not that I cared for her any less, or thought she was damaged goods or something. It's like some of the light fades from behind their eyes, or some of the glimmer is missing from their smile.

She would have good days and bad; mostly good.

It's a difficult dynamic to navigate. On one hand, you feel bad for them and want to help them and make them feel safe/comfortable. On the other, you know you shouldn't treat them any differently. Knowing when and how to split the difference is something you're always aware of. Even though I wasn't the one raped, a fraction of the burden of recovery/safety is on my shoulders.

In more friendly relationships, she seems fine. Coworkers, friends, family. Rape and sex are weird things to mix. There's a distinct, but narrow difference between the two.

I still think about it occasionally, even 6-7 years later. We don't really even talk, outside of the occasional "how's your Doctorate going?" or "holy shit Scalia died"

It's a complicated thing, one that's difficult to put into words - especially well-organized ones.

The tangle of thoughts and emotions gets more complicated when you know who the person is who raped her. He's someone I know.

Someone I've known for almost two decades.

He moved away after he and she broke up, but well before she and I got together. He has no Facebook, no Instagram, no Twitter. Totally dropped off of anyone's radar that knew him. Last I hear he's working a construction job somewhere on the east coast.

She never reported the incident. I tried to probe the issue, and she was not interested in the slightest.

I don't know how I would react if I ever saw him again. Would I pretend I know nothing about it? Would I punch him in the face? Call the police?

I have no idea.

Gotta' keep Rape Culture strong.

You can't rape your wife.

Quote from: BerzerkCommando on February 20, 2016, 06:43:16 AM

You can't rape your wife.

My nigga

Why are you even allowed on the Serious board?

For real tho, I was just waiting for someone to make a comment about wife raping. Knew it would happen.

I generally think, if it happens, and I mean really happens, and you don't report it, then that's on you.  You can't expect your rapist to not get away with it if you don't open your mouth.  I'm not trying to "victim blame", because obviously the rapist did something deplorable, but there won't be any sort of justice if you don't open your mouth as soon as you can... non sexually.
Though maybe its easy for me to say since I don't have many issues with saying things... like when i felt violated when the doctor gave me a "physical" even though I was there for kidney stones and never, ever had a physical like that before.

I didn't exactly consent to a sexual encounter once.
Years later it turns me on more than anything else

I somewhat often fantasize about it going further than it did.

Quote from: DAS B00T 2016 on February 20, 2016, 06:28:09 PM

Quote from: DAS B00T 2016 on February 19, 2016, 11:23:33 PM

I didn't exactly consent to a sexual encounter once.
Years later it turns me on more than anything else

I somewhat often fantasize about it going further than it did.

...so rape is good?

Clearly