I'm sleep right now bro but I'll type up a long thing tomorrow lol

Bro, just read the /fit/ stickie. It has everything you need for massive gains.

There's no magic pill or button that can transform you into Zyzz overnight, unfortunately. It simply boils down to a matter of time, effort and patience by abiding by the simple formula; calories in, calories out.

Okay man first I'd like your height and weight. Age is optional

On paper gaining muscle is really easy. Lift weights to cause microtrauma in your muscles, eat more food than you burn(BMR), sleep a good amount, and the next time try to lift a little more/do more reps/less rest. That is all there is to it.

The absolute most important thing about gaining weight is to eat more calories than your BMR(base metabolic rate). Your bmr is pretty much a calorie definitino of all the energy you use throughout one day. So everything from waking up through sleep is counted in your bmr. Different people have different bmrs. A 6'3" 230lb athlete will have a very different calorie goal than a 5'8" 165lb guy. Here's the most basic bmr caluclator I could find http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/  Google and try out a few (3-5) of them to get a good idea of what your bmr is. the more complex the better.

So once you have your bmr you can either eat MORE calories than your bmr, eat less, or eat the same. If you eat more(surplus) you will gain weight. If you eat less(deficit) you will lose weight. Staying the same(maintenance) will have you stay the same weight.

Let's say I calculated my BMR and I'm at 2500 for the day. If I wanted to bulk up I'd make sure to eat around 3000 calories every day. A 500 calories surplus is ideal as you'll gain weight but you won't put on too much fat. If I ate 4000 calories a day I'd sure gain weight a lot quicker, but a lot would be fat and it wouldn't look too good.

What you eat is pretty important in determining the type of weight you put on as well. The macronutrients are Proteins/Carbs/Fats. Each one is very important. Protein will rebuild microtrauma in the muscles from weight training or exercise. Carbs will give you lots of energy, fill your glycogen stores in your muscles, and help you recover. Fats are another source of energy and they maintain your hormones.

When I first started I would aim for 1 gram of protein per lb of bodyweight I had. It's actually not as important as people make it seem. If you weigh 160lbs you can shoot for anywhere from 135+. the more the better when bulking(Eat lots of fiber protein clogs you up lol)

Protein Sources: Chicken, Fish, Red Meat, Eggs, Protein Shakes, Yogurt, Milk, nuts
Carb sources: Oatmeal, Pasta, Rice, Bread, Cereal, Veggies/Fruits, Sugary foods
Fat Sources: Cheese, eggs again, nuts again, Oils(Olive Oil, Vegetable oil, ect)


Once you get into lifting you might really like it. There are tons of workout routines out there and you really have to try them to figure out what works for your body. I like to do a 5 day split so I workout:
Back/Biceps
Chest/Triceps
Shoulders/Abs
Legs
Arms
Rest
Rest

Look up these exercises on youtube to see the form good. It's super important to have good form.
 Some great exercises for each bodypart are:

Back: Pullups, Lat Pulldowns, Dumbbell Rows, Barbell Rows, Deadlifts, Sitting Cable Rows, T Bar Rows

Chest: Bench Press, Incline Bench press, Incline or Flat bench Dumbbell bench press, Dumbbell Flies, Machine chest Presses, Cable flies, Machine Flies, Dips, Pushups

Shoulders: Dumbbell Side raises, Bent over Side raises, FacePulls, Dumbbell Shoulder Press, Barbbell Shoulder Press(military press)

Legs: Squats, Front squats, leg press, lunges, leg extensions, leg curls, straight leg deadlifts, calf raises

Biceps: Barbell Curls, Incline Dumbbell Curls, Hammer Curls, Cable Curls, Dumbbell Concntration curls, Reverse Grip barbell curls

Triceps: Dips, Straight bar cable pushdowns, Rope pushdowns, Dumbbell overhead extension, Skullcrushers, close grip bench press, close grip pushups

When you are working out you're going to want to do 3-4 sets of an exercise for a certain amount of repititions, Heavier exercises like the bench press or squat can have lower reps like 6-8 while assistant exercises like bicep curls or tricep pushdowns you're going to want higher reps like 10-12. Start with compound movements first(Multi muscle lifts like bench, squat, deadlift, pullups) and later move on to the assistant exercises.

When you lift you want to push yourself hard. Just because your routine says to stop at 12 reps for a tricep pushdown doesn't mean you should. If you feel like it was too easy up the weight or push for those extra reps. Going past your limit is what'll make you grow quick.

I'm going to eat brb with more posts

Quote from: Verbatim on August 26, 2015, 12:25:18 AM

getting fit isn't exactly fun or rewarding

maybe if youre a miserable cunt. ive never been happier than when i was in shape.

sorry

i meant being happy over something like that is irrational and stupid

pleased =/= happy

i'm not just talking about any old happy

i'm talking "i'm not depressed anymore" happy
"i have no more real problems with life" happy

ha ha

I, too, like responding to week old posts

Quote from: Thunder on August 26, 2015, 12:43:15 AM

Quote from: Kitsunekun on August 26, 2015, 12:39:27 AM

Oh I'm not expert I prefer to eat popcorn as a meal replacement >.> I just know a few pointers. Like men need to stay away from soy products. It will give you boobs.

I know some dues who would love extra soy in their diets tbh.

>.> well tell them to be careful because consuming a lot of soy can increase your chance of male breast cancer. Moderation is key to everything.

Oh shiiiiit...