Been musing on some words to spoken to me some time back. Been listening to various docs on the subject. Been doing my own research alongside their efforts. And I've a problem.

How do I make myself not dead? Not burnt out? Not.....non-receptive?

The first line of advice I've ever been given and nudged towards, is of course, changing environment. Going new places, seeing new people. Find something inspiring, so to speak. Problem is, this has never registered with me. And I'm not saying that I never put effort into those words given. I've crossed provinces. Thrown myself into completely new situations and places.

I can't force something out of me that's not there. I can't not grow tired of seeing or talking to people.

I can't go somewhere new or barely exciting, without having that experience drain away back to nothing within an hour, tops. I had a family meet-up this year. Most interesting, happy thing all year. Within an hour of departing......it was just gone. Like it never happened. I was back on a flatline state of nothing.

So. Maybe some of you can shed some light on this, or play another angle that I've not seen. Like I said. I've broken out the big guns in terms of help for this. And.... it's a bit of a pickle.

I was actually like that this summer. I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than listen to my shitty music and trudge into work. Video Games lost their appeal. I'd enjoy them for about an hour then just get bored again. Each day was a long journey to me. I isolated myself from everyone but one of my good friends. I even turned down a few offers of going out somewhere with my pals because I just couldn't.

The one thing I could do was go on long evening walks. During those times where I looked up at the stars and marveled at my place in all of this crazy shit, I felt truly free from all recent happenings and future worries. At one point I walked across half the town doing this. It made me feel so much better.

My advice? Take a nice, long walk. Think about everyone you love and focus on making things right with everything.

Or just ignore my potentially shitty advice.

Try setting written goals.

Try setting written goals.

Not that I'm trying to come up with excuses here. But my schedule changes constantly. Written goals would go up in flames.

One of the biggest detractors for motivation, is time, for me. I work all the god damn time. Come home, slow down, and then muse on what I want to do for myself. And then realize that I don't have the time for it when I've shit to do. Maybe a couple hours at the max. And that's not enough time. I look at that and I go "the fuck's the point?"

Two hours is nothing, to the things that I pursue.

And I can't tell you, how much having my work interrupted pisses me off.

Quote from: Jester Thomas on August 25, 2015, 06:02:29 PM

I was actually like that this summer. I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than listen to my shitty music and trudge into work. Video Games lost their appeal. I'd enjoy them for about an hour then just get bored again. Each day was a long journey to me. I isolated myself from everyone but one of my good friends. I even turned down a few offers of going out somewhere with my pals because I just couldn't.

The one thing I could do was go on long evening walks. During those times where I looked up at the stars and marveled at my place in all of this crazy shit, I felt truly free from all recent happenings and future worries. At one point I walked across half the town doing this. It made me feel so much better.

My advice? Take a nice, long walk. Think about everyone you love and focus on making things right with everything.

Or just ignore my potentially shitty advice.

I wouldn't say it's crappy advice friend. And, in fact, yeah, I do take walks. But here's my issue.

I'm aware of things. But they don't click. They don't have any weight to them whatsover. Very little, if any meaning. For example. I am, always aware that I've got people around me who love me. But it doesn't click. I always feel alone, always feel seperate.

Take my life. By all standards, so far, I've carved something decent out of it. It's not bad by any means. But here's the problem. The part of me that's talking to you right now, is the one that recognizes this. Key point. Recognizes it.

But doesn't feel it. And mainly, 90% of what I do feel, is shit. You put me somewhere, in a happy environment, or a great event, and give it an hour, at the maximum. And it'll turn back on me. I won't be happy. But instead, I'll get down and I'll start to go down.

I walk things off like they never even happened, and then I end up back in that down state of...grey. And that's what I don't know how fight. Even with the proffessionals I'm talking to these days.

I've got nothing on this.

"Professionals," I assume meaning counselors and therapists? How long have you been seeing them; is you seeking treatment a relatively new approach to the issue? I recommend to people experiencing your issue the same things that, unfortunately, you seem to have tried and not received benefit from. Or, at least, the benefit doesn't last long enough for it to be gratifying.

I'm not 100% sure what's going on. It might be a matter of simply continuously attempting new ways to keep yourself happy and entertained until you find something fulfilling. Have you tried any form of exercise? Running, lifting, yoga, etc? It's what helped me get out of my depressive state of mind years ago. In any case, I recommend continuing to see help, but also take some time away for yourself to try new things you haven't experienced. One might click eventually.

Find something precious to hold onto, I suggest.

Will it be a girl? Or a dream, maybe?

Quote from: King Blumpkin VII on September 05, 2015, 09:59:17 PM

Find something precious to hold onto, I suggest.

Will it be a girl? Or a dream, maybe?

Nope. I barely even register people at this point. Dream? I have my likes, but none of them really click. I'm worker towards larger goals that would allow what I currently enjoy to flourish.

See, all the suggestions in here would be fine, if they weren't played out options for me. I've already gone through all of them and they've lost their pull and meaning to me.

The only current way I'm still managing to go forwards at this point, is by understanding. I don't "see" much of me. I don't count myself too much because everything is so disconnected.

I have to look at people around me, and understand that if I was missing from the equation, if I did something to myself, it would hurt them tremendously.

I have to understand, that if I don't push myself, I'm just going to slide down faster.

I have to rationalize everything outside of me and look at other perspectives because mine is diminishing. And, I know that's not going to work forever.

At the end of the day it's the places and effect on other people's lives that defines us (mostly). So I guess having a fundamental place in the people's lives around you is a good sign.

Although the one thing I do know is that it's charming how life repays you for being generous and giving with people. As long as you feel you're on the right path, maybe that's enough for now