A lot of you will probably be wondering exactly what I mean, considering how open I've been in the past. Most of you will probably be aware that I am, on some level, psychologically disordered. The extent to which you think that's true, and the extent to which you think I am indeed disordered, is your prerogative and I'm not here to convince you of anything.

However, for those interested, and myself, I'm here to be completely open about my potential disorders (I say potential because, despite consulting professionals and getting broadly the same response, personality disorders cannot be legally diagnosed under the age of 18). There are a couple of reasons for this, primarily because it's for my own understanding as much as anyone else's - think of it as a sort of compendium. Plus, I enjoy talking about myself.

So, below, I'm going to split it into two categories (emotional, and behavioural) and deal with the three disorders which bear the most relevance to my personality (antisocial, psychopathic and borderline) to varying degrees.

Emotional
This is easily the most complicated aspect, and I understand relatively little about even myself. This is where borderline personality disorder has the most relevance to me, although I'm not claiming to have such a disorder, merely tendencies, as I lack very important symptoms.

One symptom, instability of affect, involves the rapid cycling of moodsessentially all over the place. My mood can change, quite literally, within seconds and for no apparent reason. Although, normally, it will be due to frustration with another person. Accordingly, I also engage in what's known as "idealisation and devaluation" which, according to my understand, means to exaggerate the good and the bad in people depending on the situation. The best example is probably my grandma, who I find to be the most likable in my family. I can, quite easily, become frustrated (such as her hurrying me to finish my tea) and feel intensely rageful, to the point of swearing under my breath and wanting to cause harm to her.

Also in accordance with BPD (although not necessarily because of it) I lack an identity, or have a very diffuse one. I have no definite sense of self, and often have trouble trying to determine exactly what it is I value, who I am, and where I fit into the world. It can cause a hollow, or empty feeling when it comes to the forefront of my attention.

Moving away from BPD, I have the ability to be superficially charming. I, fairly consistently, perform well in things like interviews and when convincing people that I'm genuine about something, or convincing them of whatever else. Despite being emotionally unstable, I'm also shallow and don't feel emotions to their "fullest", which is often known as blunted affect or emotional flatness.

While my anxiety varies from situation to situation, it's never excessive and I feel incredibly un-anxious in situations where I'm in control. Accordingly, I have very little fear (with the exception of heights). Interestingly, however, I've found that while I have quite a sufficient startle response, I don't feel fearful when I'm startled. Whether that's just misunderstanding on my part, I don't know.

Behavioural
Due to having very little empathy for other people, I have pretty much no remorse for anything I've done which could be considered immoral. I'm fairly sure I could be called a pathological liar, and can act in considerably manipulative ways. Especially when angry, I can have the intense desire to bully people either verbally or physically.

I am fairly impulsive. With one memorable example being crashing a utility vehicle into a tree at my old job, because I was driving around, quickly, in the dark without my lights on. I think, fundamentally, it comes down to me lacking a sense of scale. I'm fairly terrible at gauging the relative value of things, which causes me to act impulsively, be unproductive and undisciplined and spend money frivolously.

Conclusion
It's probably a bit ramble-y, but that's all I can really think of at the moment. I'll probably edit it as more comes to mind. Again, I decided to do this for both myself and anybody at all interested in psychology, or just interested in me in general (and let's not lie, who isn't?).

TL;DR: I've underlined the most important bits, and this is a semi-AMA for people who want to ask me shit after reading it, or not. Y'know, whatever. Peace.

Internet has no empathy. Why do you think everybody makes 9/11 and princess crashana jokes

Internet has no sympathy. Why do you think everybody makes 9/11 and princess crashana jokes

What made you think I want sympathy?

would you murder an innocent person if you were sure you would get away with it?

would you murder an innocent person if you were sure you would get away with it?

Yeah.

What kind of rage we talking?

As in wanting to hit somebody for telling you to get dressed.

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 03:57:02 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on November 18, 2014, 03:40:07 PM

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 03:38:21 PM

would you murder an innocent person if you were sure you would get away with it?

Yeah.

that's pretty fucked up

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=disoder&rlz=1C1SAVU_enGB552GB552&oq=disoder+&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.2050j0j1&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=122&ie=UTF-8#q=psychological+disorder+definition

doesn't make it any less fucked up

I almost feel like I'm hardwired to feel empathy. I can come to the logical conclusion that psychopathy is probably the most effective evolutionary mindset, but I can't actually hurt other people for the betterment of myself.

We evolved to be cooperative and social. Evolutionarily speaking,  psychopathy isn't all its cut out to be.

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 04:12:28 PM

doesn't make it any less fucked up

I didn't say you'd find it any less fucked up. I'd just have thought that, coming into a discussion about psychological disorders, you'd have expected some sort of level of fucked-upedness as to find commenting on it asinine.

i did expect that answer. why would i ask the question if i expected you to say no?

but it's possible that psychopathy is the next evolutionary step for humanity.

Have you ever noticed how any intelligent species with a decently functioning social order has a capacity for empathy?

It's quite literally the emotional foundation for all of civilisation.

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 04:20:33 PM

you're acting as if i expected this to go another way.

No, I'm acting as if you should've expected it to go any way.

Which is, y'know, what people normally do when they ask a question.

maybe i just wanted to insult you?

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 04:23:00 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on November 18, 2014, 04:22:40 PM

Quote from: RC5908 on November 18, 2014, 04:20:33 PM

you're acting as if i expected this to go another way.

No, I'm acting as if you should've expected it to go any way.

Which is, y'know, what people normally do when they ask a question.

maybe i just wanted to insult you?

Mission failed, then.

you seemed pretty rused