How do You Think of "Friendship?"

Epsira · December 09, 2014, 12:04:09 AM

What does it mean to have someone be your friend?

For me there has to be a certain level of usefulness, which is usually tied to someone's capability for openness to other interpretations of reality and how much self-interest they're willing to sacrifice for me. If I can't hold serious discussion and consistently seek guidance or support from them they're mostly equated with acquaintances in mind. In physical interactions I'll usually refer to anyone I associate with consistently as "friends."

Verbatim · December 09, 2014, 02:26:16 AM

I wouldn't use the word "usefulness". You don't "use" friends. I feel like there are spots in your definition where I can agree, like here:

Quote

If I can't hold serious discussion and consistently seek guidance or support from them they're mostly equated with acquaintances in mind.

I'm with you here. But the notion that they have to be willing to sacrifice their own self-interest for you and shit? If you have friends willing to do that for you, just go and like... hug them, or something, because you're very fortunate to have them. But I think it's unrealistic to expect friends to do that so readily.

I look at friendship as... a mutual thing. Your definition puts a bad taste in my mouth because it's rather self-centered. It's a privilege to have someone be your friend; you're not entitled to friends. I know that's probably not what you're trying to say, but I think that needs to be spelled out.

Epsira · December 09, 2014, 09:03:34 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on December 09, 2014, 02:26:16 AM

I wouldn't use the word "usefulness". You don't "use" friends. I feel like there are spots in your definition where I can agree, like here:
Quote
If I can't hold serious discussion and consistently seek guidance or support from them they're mostly equated with acquaintances in mind.
I'm with you here. But the notion that they have to be willing to sacrifice their own self-interest for you and shit? If you have friends willing to do that for you, just go and like... hug them, or something, because you're very fortunate to have them. But I think it's unrealistic to expect friends to do that so readily.

I look at friendship as... a mutual thing. Your definition puts a bad taste in my mouth because it's rather self-centered. It's a privilege to have someone be your friend; you're not entitled to friends. I know that's probably not what you're trying to say, but I think that needs to be spelled out.

Originally, I was going to purposefully pick an argument by phrasing my answer this way, but originally I was also angry and confused. I was going to define self-interest mostly as time so I could bring up a point that most people will not sacrifice any time meaningful to them to help you, despite how you might do it for them, so I'd question the veracity of reciprocation, and from there it could be implied that I'm the one being used in most relationships. I'd then use this in a couple of fashions, neither of which are appealing anymore and both are essentially just compensating for isolation in one way or another. I think that path of communication was doomed.
Isn't it interesting how designs can backfire and seem like sabotage?

More Than Mortal · December 09, 2014, 10:41:20 AM

Loyalty and utility.

Epsira · December 09, 2014, 10:59:20 AM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on December 09, 2014, 10:41:20 AM

Loyalty and utility.

How do you define utility in friends?

More Than Mortal · December 09, 2014, 11:15:04 AM

Quote from: Epsira on December 09, 2014, 10:59:20 AM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on December 09, 2014, 10:41:20 AM
Loyalty and utility.
How do you define utility in friends?

Being able to support my goals.

clum clum · December 09, 2014, 11:27:37 AM

People I converse with a lot in a positive manner I tend to think of as my friend, even if they do not feel the same way.

The Lord Slide Rule · December 09, 2014, 11:41:09 AM

-push you to better yourself
-tell you the truth even when you might not like it
-loyalty
-don't hesitate to question you

I want some one who will be there for me, not a yes man.

Ásgeirr · December 09, 2014, 11:49:25 AM

I honestly dont know anymore.

R o c k e t · December 09, 2014, 02:32:25 PM

Friends have each other's backs. When they need me, I'm there. When I need them, they are there.

I'd even venture to say they can be considered family. Because "family" isn't blood, its those who you surround yourself with. Because how many blood relatives have betrayed, abandoned, hurt us more than a stranger?

Friends are a gift, people to be valued and treasured. They push you forward, keep you going. Build you up, not tear you down.

Ushan · December 09, 2014, 02:39:34 PM

Someone I respect that I enjoy spending time with in some capacity.

BaconShelf · December 10, 2014, 04:36:32 PM

There's people who I associate with which are people in my classes at school who I get on with because it's advantageous for me to do so. Essentially, I have something to gain, but that;s it. I have no interest in being around them when they're not needed.

There's my friends which I enjoy talking to and can spend time talking to but are mostly there because I have nothing else to do, but I still wouldn't particularly care if I cut all contact whatsoever.

There's trustworthy friends who I actually trust or respect of which there are 5 and are the only people whose opinions actually affect my actions.