Quote from: Sandtrap on May 02, 2015, 11:30:07 AM

Hmm. No wonder nobody talks much about being a sad sack of potatoes. Oh behold that serious demenor and discussion, Meta.

I'll take the bait to all the people saying it's as easy as 1 2 3.

The only way I can describe being depressed, is that it feels like another entity. It feels like a virus. It feels like something that sits in you. You can even be aware of it. You can be happy, and sad, and then as soon as those moments fade, you return to it.

It's a weight. And no matter how well you do, I, personally, don't think you can ever get rid of it once you've had it. "It," just hides in a corner, in a dark space and waits for more fuel. More strain, more pain. And it just...makes you feel down. You look at everything and you get tired of it. You get tired of yourself and you get tired of waking up every day.

And eventually, you start to hit a tipping point. You seem to fall into a neutral zone. You're not happy. You're not sad. Everything goes a shade of gray. This is a false sense of security. You'll feel like your head is perfectly clear. You can think perfectly straight in the absence of any real lasting feelings. And eventually, since you can think so clearly, you'll ask why bother living in this inconsequential state of grey?

And then you get the only answer that makes sense. Death. It's the only thing that has meaning, any colour to it.

It's not as easy as 1 2 3 because depression, isn't being unhappy. Depression starts, from being unhappy. Afer that, happy, sad, angry?

It all means nothing.

Keep thinking like that and it will mean nothing

I'm aware of the value of having happy. Having sad and angry. All of it. I've been down that road before and I've come back from it. I was just saying, there's eventually a tipping point where it's almost the point of no return.

Depression starts from being stressed, or unhappy. But by the end of it's course, there's nothing left inside a person. Neither happy, or sad. All that's left is the only thing that makes any visible sense.

I am, well aware of the value of hanging on to everything you can, and I understand trying not to give into that feeling of fake security and tranquility. Just making a statement was all.

My biggest problem is not finding my purpose in life/meaning. Basically since I was 10 my meaning in life was to play video games, and that ruined myself. I used video games as a way to cope with rejections, but then they became my purpose. I try to be happy with what I have because I am fortunate. 4,000 people perished in an earthquake last week, so my problems are microscopic compared to that tragedy and those affected. I try to be happy with the fact that we're all slowly dying every second, or could any second. People that believe in god are very optimistic, I wish I could believe in one.

You don't even need a god to pick yourself up. I've an underlying belief that we're just cogs in the gears of the universe. The universe, in essence, as a whole, is an intelligence. We're similiar in that we're made from atoms, our cells are made from atoms, and we, are made by cells. The universe is just a larger scaled, mirrored image of that.

However, despite that belief, and my optimism that something else lies beyond death, I choose to act as if I have one shot. Every day, every hour, is a counting down clock. I have only one shot to get it right. You can't afford to believe in the afterlife.

You can't afford to take it easy on yourself and gamble on something as huge as foolishly presuming with 100% certainty that there's an afterlife of any kind, and risk wasting the time that you have here.

As such, I live with that in mind. Every time I'm tired. Every time I feel pain. Every time I don't feel like talking to somebody important in my life, or spending time with them, every time I feel like lashing out when I'm frustrated or truly letting something loose on somebody.

I remember that my clock is short. I could go at any time. And so can you. You're not aware of how many times death passes over you every day. Even with my sealed state of affairs, any one of the people on this site could go before me.

You owe it to yourself to get up and try. And keep trying. Look harder. Push harder to find something that makes your time worth it.