Another thread about suicide

I think about it a lot. Even if everything else around me is good, it doesn't really change the fact that I want to end it all, this site has nothing to do with me thinking about ending my life. There are other things going on,and its becoming harder and harder each day to wake up and act like everything is okay when really nothing is.

You could post the suicide prevention hotline, that isn't going to really help. Let's just say if it wasn't for my family, I wouldn't be here right now.

Not sure if it means anything, but I think you're a funny and curious kid and that the world is better for your existence. I like you.

Not sure if it means anything, but I think you're a funny and curious kid and that the world is better for your existence. I like you.

Thanks. I like you too man.

I remember having depression and coming home from college.

I'd just lie in my bed for several hours and stare at the ceiling. My record was around eight hours straight staring at the ceiling. I could no longer tell the time, for some reason, and my internal clock was broken. I wondered about killing myself. Then I tried. Twice. Obviously, I failed.

I'm glad I failed.

I remember having depression and coming home from college.

I'd just lie in my bed for several hours and stare at the ceiling. My record was around eight hours straight staring at the ceiling. I could no longer tell the time, for some reason, and my internal clock was broken. I wondered about killing myself. Then I tried. Twice. Obviously, I failed.

I'm glad I failed.

I've been there, the whole staring at the ceiling thing. It has been common for me.

I talk about my own depression and suicidal tendencies quite frequently, even if it's mainly just to get it out of the way. I'll just say that pretending it doesn't exist or that you don't feel isn't an effective way to handle yourself.

Well, stuff like that doesn't stay as a motivator forever. You've gotta find some other stuff to spruce things up on your end. Easier said than done. But the possibilities are still out there, even if they're a pain in the ass to reach.

Tell me about it, fam

I usually tell people that I've attempted it three times, but I guess 'attempted' is more on the line of trying and failing. I just get to the point of being on the edge and then pussy out.

I've delt with depression since Elementary School, and was a habitutal self harmer from about seventh garde to senior year of High School. It's hard to get through on your own, and it was even harder since my parents refused to get me profesaional help because they thought I was just doing it for attention. They didn't want to believe that the very thing that plauged their lives would also show up in their only daughter's life. In my case it is genetic, and luckily I had my aunt who understood me, and believed that I was being serious when I told her I had suicidial thoughts and tendencies. She would constantly push my parents trying to get me help, but they wouldn't listen and threatened to not let me see her anymore, so she had to stop pushing.

 It took my friend telling the social worker at my school to get my parents to get me some help. My mother screamed at me for getting a social worker involved asking if I wanted to be taken away from them, but that was not the case. They got me a psychologist and I went and it helped, but they didn't want me to be on medicine despite being diagnosed Manic Depressive Bipolar. I had to wait until I was 18, and I finally got to a safer place where the thoughts of hurting myself subsided, and I was able to function.

Deci you seriously need to go to a Psychologist at least, and the most important thing is you need to find one that you like and that you can be open and honest to. If you can't be open and honest then they won't be able to help you. You're my friend Deci, and I care a lot about you, and I hate that you are suffering like this. Just know you are not alone and I am here for you.

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LOL You people

Seems like half of Sep7agon is currently depressed while the other half was depressed at some point already in their lives

LOL You people

What else where you expecting? People not to be supportive?

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LOL You people

Seems like half of Sep7agon is currently depressed while the other half was depressed at some point already in their lives

I understand some of you guys had fucked up parents and some stuff but... man the fuck up.

Terrible advice if taken at blunt value as is.

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LOL You people

Seems like half of Sep7agon is currently depressed while the other half was depressed at some point already in their lives

I understand some of you guys had fucked up parents and some stuff but... man the fuck up.

Terrible advice if taken at blunt value as is.

I'm just saying from what some of you have said you don't really need to be putting the gun up at your head.

I don't know maybe I just don't understand.

Depression doesn't necessarily have to have a logical or actual reason to happen, it just does sometimes. It's not really something you can just "get over" easily.

LOL You people

Seems like half of Sep7agon is currently depressed while the other half was depressed at some point already in their lives

I understand some of you guys had fucked up parents and some stuff but... man the fuck up.

Terrible advice if taken at blunt value as is.

I'm just saying from what some of you have said you don't really need to be putting the gun up at your head.

I don't know maybe I just don't understand.

Technically nobody ever should be in the first place. I can't speak for them but I can speak for myself. Which, in itself, might speak for them. Mental stuff. It's all sorts of fun fuckery. So bear with me here. Here's my perspective on the whole deal.

I know something is wrong. I know that I have no reason right now, to even ever consider suicide. I have a lot of things that so many other people in the world don't, that I should be grateful towards. I should be capitalizing on the opportunity I have.

And it eats me, day by day. Get this. I'm crushingly depressed. And I'm aware of it. But being aware of it brings me down. It destroys me, that I have something, but none of it clicks anymore. It's just sitting right there in front of me but I don't see it. I do, but it means nothing to me. The most insane way to say it, is that I'm depressed about being depressed.

Everything I do comes back around at me like a reflect, not to feel good, but to feel shitty. And if it's not feeling shitty, it's feeling empty and tired. Tired of having to put up a show to people around me. Tired of dragging myself on like this. And the worst part is, there's a piece of me that understands all this. I know why, I know where.

But I don't know how. How do I fix this? I keep looking for help, for something, and none of it's working. I'm legitimately giving it my best, the last of what I have, to try and beat this. And it just knocks me down like nothing. I have to fight off the urge to just walk out at a night in any direction until I freeze to death. It's not even fighting. I have to look at it in black and white rational thought in order to remind myself of what I have all around me, that I keep disconnecting from.

So, you go ahead and puzzle over that one for me. Because saying "lol fix it" is about as useful and helpful as taking a paper airplane and throwing it over my head. The same might apply to other people as well. Some might be trying, and some might not be.

Some might have some unknown mental condition, or some unconscious mental roadblock in their way. Some might live in an environment that's toxiclly unhealthy for them mentally. Who knows.

But I do know, that sayng lol fix it doesn't help. If it only it were so simple and easy, believe me, I'm sure many of us would've dug ourselves out of our fuckin' holes by now.

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LOL You people

Seems like half of Sep7agon is currently depressed while the other half was depressed at some point already in their lives

I understand some of you guys had fucked up parents and some stuff but... man the fuck up.

Terrible advice if taken at blunt value as is.

I'm just saying from what some of you have said you don't really need to be putting the gun up at your head.

I don't know maybe I just don't understand.

Fruit and Sandtrap covered a lot of the stuff I'd have said, so I'll just leave an anecdote.

I know a chap, successful as it gets.
Big house, fancy cars and a thriving business.

He busts his ass off for ungodly hours every day, but his brother does the same.
And yet one day, he just broke down. He'd lost the will to do anything in life.

They come from a stable background, well adjusted family and all that. No obvious traumas or destructive events in their pasts but boop, one day brother #2 gets knocked for six by depression.

It's not an easy condition to understand, especially if you haven't lived through it yourself. That's not a 'you don't know, you weren't there' that's more of a simple observation.

I studied it as an illness before, during and after (present day) my own bout of depression. It's not really something that can be understood in logical format because at it's core it's a delusional disorder, not in the same sense as schizophrenia or MPD but in that it causes a warped view of the world in the patient. You can know the aetiology of it, the symptoms and the signs, the treatments and the mechanisms until you can recite the textbook verbatim but it's really quite difficult to get the 'click' without having had it.

I'll tldr crunch it up though

It's not an easy illness to understand, because it doesn't operate off logic and yet the person isn't psychotic/hallucinating which is a lot more easy to comprehend as in schizophrenia.

'Anyone' can get it, thankfully not everyone does.

Depression doesn't really give a shit about your history, people have come through hell and ended up 'fine' because their mind/biology is resilient. Some people go through seemingly innocuous problems and it breaks them.

But yeah... bit of a ramble and not really a  tldr

Deci - I hate to trot out the generic line for this sort of thing, but you should speak to a professional about this. A doctor (family doctor/GP) is usually a good first port of call, they can then recommend where you should go next.

Inertia is hard to overcome, but doing so puts you back on the path rather than floating in stasis for an indefinite period of time.

Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

Oh really? Tell me. What do you get for pushing it out and living your life? Pushing through all the hassle and garbage that will inevitably come your way. You might get lucky. You might be happy. But then, oops, bad roll, happiness taken away, like some toy from a child.

And at the end of it all, no matter what you did, no matter who you are, how good or bad, you die. You'll either die alone, or leave somebody behind. And if you choose to just take the shortcut and skip the bullshit? You leave behind hurting upset people.

But get this, if you committed suicide tomorrow, your family would have to deal with it. It might destroy them. It might not. Or you might go out to work tomorrow with a smile on your face and get hit by a drunk driver. In which case your family would have to deal with the same fucking thing. The only difference being whether or not you chose to die, or were hit with a bad roll.

So you say giving in doesn't make it any better.

Well guess what. You don't have a choice. Being the big man on the block and "manning up" doesn't reward you with anything except delaying what's inevitable. Even if you get a lucky roll and manage to avoid lots of bullshit in your life, you're going to have to face up to the inevitability that one day, whatever makes you happy is going to be forcefully taken from you when you die.

So at that point, really, why bother with it all, if it's so keen to just laugh and spit in your face no matter how hard you try?

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Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

Oh really? Tell me. What do you get for pushing it out and living your life? Pushing through all the hassle and garbage that will inevitably come your way. You might get lucky. You might be happy. But then, oops, bad roll, happiness taken away, like some toy from a child.

And at the end of it all, no matter what you did, no matter who you are, how good or bad, you die. You'll either die alone, or leave somebody behind. And if you choose to just take the shortcut and skip the bullshit? You leave behind hurting upset people.

But get this, if you committed suicide tomorrow, your family would have to deal with it. It might destroy them. It might not. Or you might go out to work tomorrow with a smile on your face and get hit by a drunk driver. In which case your family would have to deal with the same fucking thing. The only difference being whether or not you chose to die, or were hit with a bad roll.

So you say giving in doesn't make it any better.

Well guess what. You don't have a choice. Being the big man on the block and "manning up" doesn't reward you with anything except delaying what's inevitable. Even if you get a lucky roll and manage to avoid lots of bullshit in your life, you're going to have to face up to the inevitability that one day, whatever makes you happy is going to be forcefully taken from you when you die.

So at that point, really, why bother with it all, if it's so keen to just laugh and spit in your face no matter how hard you try?

Because I'm a real nigga

Well, then I'll tell you what slick. Suppose there's an afterlife. If I get there first before you, you can take my place in the line when you get there because you're just the realest nigga on the block.

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Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

Oh really? Tell me. What do you get for pushing it out and living your life? Pushing through all the hassle and garbage that will inevitably come your way. You might get lucky. You might be happy. But then, oops, bad roll, happiness taken away, like some toy from a child.

And at the end of it all, no matter what you did, no matter who you are, how good or bad, you die. You'll either die alone, or leave somebody behind. And if you choose to just take the shortcut and skip the bullshit? You leave behind hurting upset people.

But get this, if you committed suicide tomorrow, your family would have to deal with it. It might destroy them. It might not. Or you might go out to work tomorrow with a smile on your face and get hit by a drunk driver. In which case your family would have to deal with the same fucking thing. The only difference being whether or not you chose to die, or were hit with a bad roll.

So you say giving in doesn't make it any better.

Well guess what. You don't have a choice. Being the big man on the block and "manning up" doesn't reward you with anything except delaying what's inevitable. Even if you get a lucky roll and manage to avoid lots of bullshit in your life, you're going to have to face up to the inevitability that one day, whatever makes you happy is going to be forcefully taken from you when you die.

So at that point, really, why bother with it all, if it's so keen to just laugh and spit in your face no matter how hard you try?

Exactly what a depressed person would say

Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

Oh really? Tell me. What do you get for pushing it out and living your life? Pushing through all the hassle and garbage that will inevitably come your way. You might get lucky. You might be happy. But then, oops, bad roll, happiness taken away, like some toy from a child.

And at the end of it all, no matter what you did, no matter who you are, how good or bad, you die. You'll either die alone, or leave somebody behind. And if you choose to just take the shortcut and skip the bullshit? You leave behind hurting upset people.

But get this, if you committed suicide tomorrow, your family would have to deal with it. It might destroy them. It might not. Or you might go out to work tomorrow with a smile on your face and get hit by a drunk driver. In which case your family would have to deal with the same fucking thing. The only difference being whether or not you chose to die, or were hit with a bad roll.

So you say giving in doesn't make it any better.

Well guess what. You don't have a choice. Being the big man on the block and "manning up" doesn't reward you with anything except delaying what's inevitable. Even if you get a lucky roll and manage to avoid lots of bullshit in your life, you're going to have to face up to the inevitability that one day, whatever makes you happy is going to be forcefully taken from you when you die.

So at that point, really, why bother with it all, if it's so keen to just laugh and spit in your face no matter how hard you try?

Exactly what a depressed person would say

Damn midget. You've got enough eyes for the two of us. Mind if I hire you to do all the reading for me if I go blind?

Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

Oh really? Tell me. What do you get for pushing it out and living your life? Pushing through all the hassle and garbage that will inevitably come your way. You might get lucky. You might be happy. But then, oops, bad roll, happiness taken away, like some toy from a child.

And at the end of it all, no matter what you did, no matter who you are, how good or bad, you die. You'll either die alone, or leave somebody behind. And if you choose to just take the shortcut and skip the bullshit? You leave behind hurting upset people.

But get this, if you committed suicide tomorrow, your family would have to deal with it. It might destroy them. It might not. Or you might go out to work tomorrow with a smile on your face and get hit by a drunk driver. In which case your family would have to deal with the same fucking thing. The only difference being whether or not you chose to die, or were hit with a bad roll.

So you say giving in doesn't make it any better.

Well guess what. You don't have a choice. Being the big man on the block and "manning up" doesn't reward you with anything except delaying what's inevitable. Even if you get a lucky roll and manage to avoid lots of bullshit in your life, you're going to have to face up to the inevitability that one day, whatever makes you happy is going to be forcefully taken from you when you die.

So at that point, really, why bother with it all, if it's so keen to just laugh and spit in your face no matter how hard you try?

Exactly what a depressed person would say

No, that's exactly what a logical person would say, depressed or not.

I've delt with depression since Elementary School, and was a habitutal self harmer from about seventh garde to senior year of High School. It's hard to get through on your own, and it was even harder since my parents refused to get me profesaional help because they thought I was just doing it for attention. They didn't want to believe that the very thing that plauged their lives would also show up in their only daughter's life. In my case it is genetic, and luckily I had my aunt who understood me, and believed that I was being serious when I told her I had suicidial thoughts and tendencies. She would constantly push my parents trying to get me help, but they wouldn't listen and threatened to not let me see her anymore, so she had to stop pushing.

 It took my friend telling the social worker at my school to get my parents to get me some help. My mother screamed at me for getting a social worker involved asking if I wanted to be taken away from them, but that was not the case. They got me a psychologist and I went and it helped, but they didn't want me to be on medicine despite being diagnosed Manic Depressive Bipolar. I had to wait until I was 18, and I finally got to a safer place where the thoughts of hurting myself subsided, and I was able to function.

Deci you seriously need to go to a Psychologist at least, and the most important thing is you need to find one that you like and that you can be open and honest to. If you can't be open and honest then they won't be able to help you. You're my friend Deci, and I care a lot about you, and I hate that you are suffering like this. Just know you are not alone and I am here for you.

Thanks. Damn that must have been like hell for you. I didn't know your parents thought you were just doing it to get attention. That's shitty. I wouldn't have that cross my mind even for a second if I had a kid that was suicidal. I don't think I have one family member that has killed themselves so I think for me it is more psychological than genetic.

Thank you to those with helpful responses so far. It gave me a lot to think about.

Save your condescension and sob story. I don't care. I've suffered a lot and I'm not here crying or trying to kill myself.

If you're mentally fucked up, whatever. But don't tell me I don't know what it's like. I'm not here saying "lol it's easy just man up lmao". I'm saying man up, because giving into it doesn't make anything better.

"I'm not saying man up, but man up."