Okay, serious time. This one will be serious, so I'd prefer that jokey posts and such be kept to a minimum. Likewise, I'd also ask the mods that my actual account not be revealed- if you want evidence that this isn't a ban evasion, send me a PM or look at my ip or something. However, I won't be using this account after this thread is done with. There won't be a Tl;Dr as I don't feel it's something I can properly sum up in a sentence or two. If you don't actually care, then leave now, thanks.This is going to be a rant.

Anyway, lets do this.

I've come here for a reason, many would say that asking an internet forum for help is dumb, but it's the anonymity that I like, even going so far as to hide my main. I don't want to cause a massive thing or have a negative connotation carried to my name; but the main reason is that I respect (almost) everyone here and consider you to be friends. Hence why I ask for your help.

Where to start is a difficult problem, as I don't know, but I guess I should probably put some facts on the line first. I don't have a good relationship with my family, nor do I trust them with important issues in my own life. In fact, there are not many people I would consider to trust, less than five out of everyone I know. I have difficulty socialising with people and generally hate being around people and have an inherent distrust for everyone and everything that comes my way- if someone is nice to me, I see it it has having a reason. An underlying purpose, I don't have the mindset that people are nice to me, because they almost always (In my eyes) have some kind of reason or want something from me. I do not care about other people and don't see why they care about me.

As well as a distrust for everyone (As in, i rarely tell anyone about myself IRL. I hate people asking questions and talking to (at) me.) I have noticed something off in the past year. I frequently snap at people and say some rather harsh things, alongside getting irritated easier and easier. After being around a small group of people for more than 5 minutes, I want to leave and find a quiet corner in which to just sit and think.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay motivated to do anything, even stuff I enjoy like video games and creative stuff. I just sit there a lot of the time trying to find the energy to pick up my controller or pencil or computer. Schoolwork is even worse for this, as it is often things I don't want to be doing- I can delay and procrastinate for days and only decide to do it the day it's due in, and that's only so I don't have to put up with the hassle of teachers and parents having a go at me. I don't get any joy out of things I enjoy and everything is just tedious. I feel like I don't have a purpose, nothing to do. I have no motivation for further education due to the hassle and money involved in it, and the prospect of getting a job is akin to a nightmare- I have no prior experience with anything (I'm 16) and my CV is sadder than the front page of #destiny. I have no practical skills outside of being good with computers and learning python code, but with a lack of motivation to go to a university and no experience in anything else, the dream of being in the games industry is looking increasingly slim. The only options open to me are both based on a large amount of luck and money I don't have. I can't even join the military thanks to colourblindness and breathing difficulties alongside lack of general health in terms of running and lifting. I just have no idea what to do anymore, as I have been confident in my abilities and succeeded by myself with minimal outside help, and now all of that is gone. I'm surrounded by people I cannot trust, and I rarely can even hold a conversation with my friends.

The final thing is a constant barrage of being told what I can't do. When my parents actually make conversation with me, it's always about going and doing something, or my future plans. That writing or making games isn't a living and that I should give up on these ambitions to do a 'sensible' job. Hell, I only got let on to physics course at school because my teacher likes me and knows I'm genuinely interested in the subject. Nothing is going well, and I don't see any route available.

I don't have the first idea about psychology and if this overall mental state is healthy, but I don't know how it can be. I don't see any point to anything, and the only point to life (As I see it) is to just kill time until death. But what's the point if everything's just boring anyway? Most of all, whatever I do, I want to do without my parents' knowledge. I don't want them to be involved with this, as they have done little to encourage me to do what I'm interested in before, I see no reason why they should get involved now.

Anyone who read that far, thanks, I guess. I'd like some help on this issue, and I'll be replying on this account. I won't be confirming or denying any guesses at who I am, but I can assure that this is 100% legit.