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5671
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:46:22 AM »
Chapter Four: The Mountain Pass
The group exited the mansion and entered an open grassy area preceding the pass. It was sometime early in the afternoon, as it was as bright as they’ve seen since the nukes fell. The narrow pass cut through a thick forest which made it noticeably darker. As they walked closer to the pass, the sound of Little Cowpie and Vien’s scuffle became fainter and fainter, until there was a complete blissful silence. At the entrance there was a warning sign that urged travelers to follow the bright green flags on the trees; however, the words “Enter, IF YOU DARE,” were carved into it. The group saw a person about 30 feet into the pass who was on the ground cowering in the fetal position with an envelope clenched in his hands. When Officer Nasty walked up to him, the man looked at Nasty with cold, soulless eyes, as if he’s suffering from shellshock.
“Hey man, are you alright?” asked Officer Nasty in a sincere tone. The man’s mouth began to quiver as he struggled to find the will to speak. “A-a-are you Officer Nasty? Leader of t-t-t-The Flood’s Salvation?”
Officer Nasty turned back to the anxious group looking for a solution, but they all responded with a shrug. “Yes I am, why?”
“Take this envelope; it’s a m-m-message from ‘The Destiny Purifiers.’” The petrified man slowly outstretched his twitching hand containing the envelope. “I don’t k-k-know who it’s from, b-b-b-but he said you’d know w-w-what it means.”
Officer Nasty grabbed the envelope and asked, “Who, or what, is ‘The Destiny Purifiers’? And what is your name?”
“My n-n-name is Pureeey. They’re l-l-located in Destiny City’s marketplace, that’s a-a-all I…I…”
Officer Nasty stood there for a second waiting for Pureeey to continue, until he realized his eyes glazing over and saliva dripping from his mouth as he lay limp on the ground. “Uh, are you okay?” asked Nasty as he gave Pureeey a few gentle kicks. “I guess he passed out or something. Come on, let’s go.”
“Are you crazy, Nasty?!” exclaimed BaconShelf. “There’s no way we’re going in there! It’s spooky as hell!”
“Yeah, and what about this guy?” asked Greene. “Something in there must have spooked him really bad.”
“We don’t have a choice!” exclaimed Officer Nasty.
“Come on, Nasty, there has to be another way.” Said Smiggles.
“No, there isn’t.” said Hawke. “Nasty’s right, this is the only way we can get to Destiny City. We’ve come this far already, there’s no way we’re turning back now!”
“Exactly, thank you Hawke.” said Officer Nasty. “We’ll be in and out quick and easy, all we have to do is move fast and don’t stop for anything. But first, let me open this.” Officer Nasty pulled out the mysterious envelope and gently opened it. “What the hell…” said Officer Nasty as he looked inside. He reached into the package and revealed a single piece of burnt toast, buttered on only one side. “Is this some kind of joke?”
Officer Nasty scoffed and threw the toast on the ground, which became food for the ants below.
“Alright then, let’s go. Remember what I said: Don’t stop for anything.”
The group continued walking through the dark, constricted path. The darkness made it difficult for them to see much of anything around them, as they found out that tripping over tree roots became a real nuisance. Officer Nasty checked his watch, realizing that they’ve been walking for over an hour. They continued down the path for a little bit longer, until Officer Nasty began slowing in front of them. He noticed that the dirt path stopped a little ways ahead. As he inched closer towards the end, he realized that the path begins to gradually slope downwards, leading to a distant patch of light in the darkness. “Look at that, we made it!” said Officer Nasty triumphantly. “The exit is near.”
BaconShelf gave out a sigh of relief. “Guess this wasn’t too bad after all.”
Officer Nasty led the group’s descent to the exit, but stopped when he noticed a note on the ground. He crouched down and picked it up, which read “Look down.”
“Shit, look out!” exclaimed Smiggles.
There was a loud whooshing sound all around them, and a figure was seen sprinting in the woods. As Officer Nasty tried to move, a snare tightened and took him off his feet, causing him to bang his head onto the root of a tree. Seconds later, the snare was hauled upwards which took Officer Nasty with it as he hung six feet above the ground. His vision was blurred from the fall and he could feel the blood rushing to his head.
“Hold on Nasty, we’re gonna help you!” exclaimed Hawke.
The group all grabbed Officer Nasty and tried to pull him down, but he was too high for their reach.
“We need to find where that rope is tied and cut it!” exclaimed BaconShelf. “Everyone search nearby!”
They began to scan the area, until the mysterious figure appeared out of the darkness, which made them stop in their places. He was a tall, lanky humanoid wearing a burlap sack over his head, and a glove with five needles containing glowing yellow liquid on his left hand.
“What do you want with us?!” questioned Greene.
The man raised his hand and spread his fingers outwards. “I want to feel your fear…”
He vanished into the darkness and began phasing through the forest around them.
“Let the darkness enfold you.” said the mysterious figure, followed by a maniacal laugh.
“Come on out and fight like a man!” commanded BaconShelf.
“BaconShelf, stop! We have to save Nasty and get the hell out of here!” exclaimed Hawke.
BaconShelf turned around and was met face to face with the man, locking eyes with him; all he could see was darkness and dread. The man grabbed BaconShelf’s neck, pulled him closer, and whispered, “I can taste your fear.” He lifted BaconShelf off the ground and tossed him with considerable strength, causing him to land under the dangling Officer Nasty.
“You son of a bitch!” exclaimed Hawke as he bolted towards the man and attempted to tackle him, but was met with a kick to the gut.
“Fools, you stand no match against the Scarecrow.”
Scarecrow delivered another blow to Hawke, this time to his face, breaking his nose.
BaconShelf rolled on his back and felt the barrel of Officer Nasty’s .44 magnum under him, which fell out when he was strung up. He grabbed the revolver, aimed, and fired at Scarecrow, connecting with his right arm. He let out a scream of agonizing pain and darted into the forest, followed by the warning, “This isn’t the last you’ve seen of me!”
Smiggles and Greene ran towards the ailing Hawke and helped him to his feet.
“Shit, you’re bleeding a lot.” Said Greene.
“Ah, I’m fine, ‘tis but a scratch!” said Hawke. “We need to get Nasty down.”
They continued to search for where the rope was tied, eventually found by Smiggles on a nearby branch.
“Guys, I found the rope!” she exclaimed. “Stand under him while I cut it so you can catch him.”
Smiggles waited by the rope until the rest of the group readied themselves under Officer Nasty. They said “Ready” in unison, and she cut the rope, allowing Officer Nasty to fall into the hands of his awaiting friends. His vision was still strongly blurred, and he was dazed from hanging upside down for an extended period of time. Hawke and BaconShelf positioned themselves under each of his arms and supported him upright as they began inching towards the exit. “What happened…Where am I?” Questioned Officer Nasty, and he could faintly see the light coming from the opening become stronger.
“We were ambushed,” said Hawke. “I’ll explain to you later.”
5672
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:45:54 AM »
Chapter Three: The Mansion
“WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?” questioned the massive Lekgolo standing in Gatsby’s mansion.
“We’re travelers hoping to use the mountain pass behind this mansion.” Replied Officer Nasty. “Please tell me that you’re somehow a mutated Gatsby.”
“GATSBY? YOU MEAN THAT PUNY HUMAN OVER THERE?” The Lekgolo turns and points to a sobbing, middle aged man sitting on a couch across the room. “NO, MY NAME IS LITTLE COWPIE. YOU MAY USE THE MOUNTAIN PASS, BUT I MUST MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT AN ALT.”
“Okay, fine. But can you please lower your voice? There’s no need to yell.”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I’M NOT YELLING.”
Officer Nasty could feel his eardrums bursting from every word this obnoxious Lekgolo exclaims.
“Whatever, do what you have to do. Quietly!”
“AS YOU WISH. ARE YOU OR ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS AFFILIATED WITH JOHN CENA?”
Each of the group members look at each other and shake their heads.
“WHAT ABOUT HIM?” Little Cowpie points at Rampant, who is twitching violently and foaming from the mouth. “HE SURE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THOSE BLOODTHIRSTY ALTS.”
“Trust me, he’s okay.” Replied BaconShelf. “You wouldn’t happen to have some medications, would you? I’d love to not have to drag this nutcase around with a leash anymore.”
“I’M NOT SURE, ASK THE BARTENDER. YOU HUMANS CAN COME IN NOW.” Little Cowpie fully opens the door and moves out of the way so the group can enter.
“BUT IF YOU START ANY TROUBLE, I’LL HAVE TO HURT YOU.”
The group slowly walked into the grand mansion, containing a full bar with a robotic bartender, a living area where Gatsby was located, and a second story with a good number of bedrooms. “Officer Nasty, can we pleeeease stay here and relax for a little bit?” Greene pleaded. “We just had to walk for over three hours, I think we deserve a rest!”
“I need a drink…” said BaconShelf.
“You and me both.” said Hawke.
He stopped and thought for a few seconds before giving an answer.
“You’re right, I think some rest would be good,” replied Officer Nasty. “We’ll leave in about an hour.”
The group headed towards the bar while Officer Nasty, still worried about the sobbing Gatsby, went to comfort him. As Nasty approached him, he raised his head out of his soaked hands but the sulking continued. “What do you want from me, old sport?” said Gatsby with a concerning tone.
Officer Nasty sat next to the troubled Gatsby and put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m concerned about your sadness.” Said Nasty. “Is it because these Lekgolos took over your place and turned it into a Fun House?”
“No, I don’t give a damn about them,” Gatsby replied while holding back tears. “It’s my dear Daisy. I haven’t seen her in weeks. She must be dead, I’m sure of it! And before you ask, no, I don’t want your help. Now leave me be!” Gatsby pushed Nasty’s hand off his shoulder and turned away, tears continuing to pour from his eyes.
“Suit yourself.” Nasty got up and moved over to another chair, where he sat down, laid his head on the headrest, and closed his eyes.
At the other end of the mansion, the rest of the group was sitting at the bar enjoying drinks together. Hawke put his glass of rum down and looked around in confusion. “Hey, where’s Rampant?” He asked.
BaconShelf immediately turned to Hawke and pointed to the corner of the room, where a slumbering Rampant was tied to a pillar. “I didn’t want to hold him anymore, so I poured a whole bottle of Jack Daniel’s down his throat in hopes that it would calm him down. Heh, looks like it worked!” said BaconShelf.
Smiggles and Greene were located at a separate table from Hawke and BaconShelf, accompanied by two travelers from the North, who were wearing moose-skin hats and enjoying tall glasses of maple syrup.
“So, tell us about yourselves!” said Smiggles intuitively. “Yeah,” said Greene, “and tell us why you’re wearing those goofy hats.”
One of the Northerners took a quick sip of his maple syrup and replied with an accent unfamiliar to the girls. “Eh, my name is CND, and this is my friend TBlocks.” TBlocks responded with a quick “Eh” combined with a nod. “We’re from Support City, a little ways North from Flood.”
“What are you doing down here?” Greene asked.
CND put down his maple syrup and explained. “Well, we always make a trek down here; Gatsby serves the best maple syrup in all the land.” Smiggles and Greene both nodded their heads in fascination. “However, when JOHN CENA nuked our city, we loaded up our dogsleds and came down here for shelter and maple syrup, eh.”
“Interesting,” Said Smiggles. “How would you like to join us? We’re in a group called ‘The Flood’s Salvation,’ and we’re going to remove JOHN CENA from existence once and for all.”
“We really could use some extra help!” Persisted Greene.
“Eh, no thanks.” Replied CND.
“Yeah, we like it here. It’s safe and we get free maple syrup whenever we want.” Added TBlocks. “Plus, we aren’t really fighters. Even though our city’s primary sport is hockey, we share a peaceful heritage. Sorry, eh.”
Before the girls could reply, there was a loud crash at the front door. There were a few vicious knocks, followed by a monstrous figure that kicked down the door, awaking Officer Nasty from his rest. Once the dust settled, Officer Nasty identified the intruder as Vien Quitonm, the most infamous Sangheili in Bungie.
“Cowpie!” shouted Vien at the top of his Sangheili lungs. “Come out where I can see you, you little whore!”
Little Cowpie and his two Lekgolo mates emerged from his quarters due to the ruckus caused by Vien.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING HERE, VIEN? THIS IS MY HOUSE NOW!” Cowpie raised his fuel rod cannon and primed it.
“We took this house together and had a happy life, but you ruined it when I caught you mating with a Sangeheili hooker!” Exclaimed Vien.
“CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE? PLUS, I DIDN’T EVEN ENJOY OUR MATING SESSIONS!”
Vien’s face began to fume with rage as he withdrew his energy sword.
“You take that back!” Vien commanded.
“WHY DON’T YOU COME OVER HERE AND MAKE ME, GRUNT?”
Vien let out a monstrous battle cry and charged at Cowpie and his two mates, dodging fire from their fuel rod cannons. He jumped above the first mate and sliced off his head, before ducking under the attack of the other mate and stabbing him in the chest, piercing his heart. Vien took a swing at Cowpie but only connected with the Lekgolo’s shield, which caused the sword to slip from his hands. The two former lovers wrestled to the ground and relentlessly pounded each other with painful blows, causing a mix of purple and orange blood to spew around the room.
Smiggles, Greene, Hawke, and BaconShelf bolted towards Officer Nasty, who was directing them towards the back door leading to the mountain pass. Before they could leave, Gatsby emerged from his somber state and grabbed Officer Nasty. “Wait!” pleaded Gatsby. “I’m sorry for pushing you away, I appreciate your concern for me. If you really want to help, help me find Daisy. Here, have this.” Gatsby reached into his pocket and handed Officer Nasty a crumpled photograph. “If you see her, please tell her to come back to me.”
“Will do,” said Officer Nasty, as he directed his attention towards the group. “Let’s get out of here!”
The group ran towards the back door, swung it open, and slammed it shut behind them. Vien and Cowpie continued to beat each other senseless, while CND and TBlocks were cowering under their table, and Rampant was left tied to the pillar remaining fast asleep.
5673
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:45:23 AM »
Chapter Two: Surprise!
The changes to the country of Bungie caused by the nukes were unsettling. The luscious green grass was replaced with loose, lifeless dirt. An immense layer of dust has blotted the sun from the sky, making it difficult to tell the time of day. The once vibrant city of Floodians became a haven for JOHN CENA and the rest of his despicable Alt allies. The Flood’s Salvation knew they had to adapt to their new environment in order to fulfill their goal, and their first order of business was locating Destiny City.
During their confinement, Hawke informed the group of a plane that is kept in a remote hangar near Destiny City. He recalled seeing a vast mountain range when he visited the city, so that’s what they needed to look for. After taking a couple of minutes to scan the area, Officer Nasty spotted a group of mountains just west of Flood City. It appeared that there was a large mansion preceding the mountains, followed by a long passageway cutting through the mountains. The mansion appeared to have bright flashing lights covering the roof and was littered with garbage, almost as if there was a massive party going on.
Officer Nasty faced the group and asked, “Anybody have an idea who owns that mansion?” There was a silence between the group members, the only noise that could be heard was Rampant’s heavy breathing. All of a sudden, Smiggles’s head jerked up and she replied, “I think I know! I remember going to one of those insane parties! One time it was just me, edableshoe, and a gallon of peanut butter and we-“ Smiggles was quickly cut off by Officer Nasty before she could go any further into her experience.
“Focus, Smiggles. Who owns that mansion?”
“Why, the Great Gatsby, of course!” she replied.
This news brought a look of surprise to each member of the group. Gatsby had a peculiar reputation around Flood City. Everybody knew about his parties, but you could only go if you had a special invitation. Officer Nasty was perplexed that Gatsby would still be throwing parties after A-Day (Alt Day) despite the lack of resources. He knew they had to get on Gatsby’s good side, because the quickest way into Destiny City was through that mountain pass, and going through the mansion was the only option.
“Okay, well, it looks like it’s time to party,” Officer Nasty said with a clever smirk on his face. “Let’s go.”
A couple of hours have passed, and Gatsby’s mansion was about 300 yards away from the group’s current position. Nighttime has arrived, which provides them cover but limits their vision. They could have been there an hour ago, but having to pull Rampant along with a makeshift leash impeded their progress.
“Look, lights!” Exclaimed BaconShelf. “That must be Gatsby’s house! Oh man, I cannot wait to start pounding drinks and-“
There was a loud scuffle which seemed to originate fairly near the group, which made Officer Nasty come to a complete halt.
“Shhh…Nobody make a sound...” whispered Nasty.
The scuffling became increasingly louder, and they started to hear the muttering of words. He determined the origin of the noise was coming from the bottom of a slope just to the group’s right. Once he approached the edge of the slope, he found a figure violently pacing back and forth and making inaudible sounds.
“What the hell…” whispered Greene. “What is that person doing down there?”
Hawke approached the edge of the slope and took a hard look at the mysterious figure; after taking a few seconds to collect his thoughts, his eyes widened in horror as he noticed something very strange about the figure.
“Guys…look at his backside…”Hawke whispered, trembling in fear. “He doesn’t have an ass.”
The group focused their attention on the man’s backside and realized what Hawke was referring to. There was nothing but a piece of loose skin hanging from where his ass was supposed to be, which could only mean one thing. Hawke and BaconShelf looked at each other and unanimously said, “Camnator.”
“So, that must be one of Camnator’s minions,” said Nasty. “The poor guy is suffering from severe incoherence. I think I can take him out from here.” He reached into his holster, withdrew his .44 magnum, and put the man’s head directly in his sights. Smiggles put her hand on Officer Nasty’s arm and said, “Wait, I’ve got a better idea.” She immediately jumped to her feet, which instantly received the incoherent man’s attention. Smiggles pointed away from the man and yelled, “Look, over there! It’s a thug cop!” The man looked in the direction where Smiggles pointed and responded with a low, melodious groan, before Officer Nasty ended his incoherence with a single bullet to the brain. “Good thinking, Smiggles,” said Officer Nasty while exchanging a fist-bump. “Now let’s get to that mansion.”
As the group got closer to the mansion, they began to smell the rotten food and garbage that was littered across the front yard. They noticed signs posted around the yard containing “No Alts allowed,” “Bring Your Own Booze,” and “Down With Vien!” The last sign seemed rather odd since Vien wasn’t a known enemy or an Alt, but they decided not to think too much into it at the time. The words “LEKGOLO FUN HOUSE” was poorly painted above the front door, which only brought up more confusion. Officer Nasty spotted a doorbell and pressed it, giving off a high-pitched buzz in the house. A couple minutes passed, and the group could sense something big approaching the door, feeling the ground beneath them begin to shake with each step of the unknown giant. The footsteps stopped and were replaced with the sound of multiple locks clicking, unlocking the giant wooden door. The door slowly creaked open and revealed a Lekgolo the likes of which no one had ever seen before.
5674
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:44:35 AM »
Chapter One: Confinement
It’s been three weeks since the initial fall of JOHN CENA’s nukes; the group has been passing the time by devising strategies to take back Bungie Palace and sharing stories. The one window in the shelter has been covered by a thick layer of dirt, leaving the cramped room dim and dreary. Most of the members have dealt with the situation properly, but one member has started to feel the effects of the confinement.
Rampant was always known to live up to his name by consistently falling into bits of rage and aggression, but his medication comforted him for the first week. However, with his inability to visit the Flood’s pharmacy, he hasn’t gotten his fix in a long time, and it’s showing dramatically. He’s carved the words “Blame Stosh” all over the walls of the shelter, and even went as far as trying to convince everybody that Smiggles is one of Stosh’s alts trying to kill the group in their sleep. He began to get increasingly violent; his worst offense was punching Hawke over a game of chess. After that, the group unanimously decided that keeping Rampant in a strait jacket was the only way to keep control of his rampancy.
Other than Rampant’s ever-growing insanity, the rest of the group blended well together. Some nights, they would all sit in a circle and share stories about their lives and where they were when JOHN CENA first attacked the Flood.
Hawke, BaconShelf, and Rampant experienced firsthand the wrath of JOHN CENA’s most decorated Alt, who goes by the name of Camnator.
It was another beautiful, joyous night in the Flood’s social district. The three friends were found in the Flood’s Night Club having drinks, smoking cigars, and enjoying fine music. However, this night was particularly entertaining. In the far corner of the club, you can always find Camnator smoking cannabis and sharing his unpopular opinions on society. Whoever decided to stop and make fun of him would only see their insults directed back at them, due to Camnator’s mastery of the Reversal Technique. It was widely believed that Camnator was just a pot-smoking robot, because you could find him repeating certain quotes over and over again. However, nobody predicted that he had so much power and rage built up inside of him. That night, when he got word of JOHN CENA’s impending invasion, he showcased his abilities for the entire Flood to see. He was able to wipe out most of the civilians in the club using his deadly Cannabis Cannon and the ancient Booty Spell. His attacks are methodical: He first shoots his Cannabis Cannon, causing his enemies to become dazed and incoherent. Then, he casts the Booty Spell, which reacts with the anuses of everybody except his to grow rapidly and explode. Finally, he approaches every single assless victim and botches their lobotomies, turning them into his own personal minions. BaconShelf, Hawke, and Rampant vividly remember Camnator’s wrath in the club that night, and they barely made it out with their coherence.
Smiggles and Greene found themselves in a similar situation.
For most of its existence, the country of Bungie has had a predominantly male population, and seeing wanted posters around Flood City containing the phrase, “TITS OR GTFO,” was not a rare occurrence. To avoid living under oppression, they stayed in a discrete building in the suburbs of Flood City with the rest of the females. Unfortunately, Smiggles and Greene were the only good-natured females to make it out alive. When the initial attack from the Alts came, Shadows, a well-known citizen and ambassador for the female population, fell for JOHN CENA. He personally raided the female hideout and managed to kill most, except for the most experienced, which were Shadows, Kiyo, Smiggles, and Greene. JOHN CENA chose Shadows to be his queen and Kiyo to be the Alts’ sex slave, but he didn’t see any evil in Smiggles or Greene. They were able to escape his meatspin tornado and flee towards the outskirts of the city, where they met up with The Flood’s Salvation.
On the third week of their confinement, Officer Nasty decided it was time to emerge from the shelter. Their plan seemed simple: Locate Hawke’s plane in Destiny City, recruit any wanderers they meet, and infiltrate Bungie Palace from above. They gathered their weapons and any supplies they had left, and awaited by Nasty’s side near the shelter’s heavy steel door. With a hard jerk upwards, Nasty was able to loosen the door and slowly transition from the safety of his shelter to the dangerous, radioactive wasteland.
5675
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:44:11 AM »
I've been reading some of his story and it really brings me back to the days when I used to write up that Flood fiction on bnet. I feel like that most people here never read it or never knew about it, So I decided that I would share the story on this website so it can be archived. I mean, this is the real Flood.
The Attack of the Alts: A Floodian Epic
The Prequel
It was yet another marvelous day in Flood City. The center forum was alive with the joyous sounds of illustrious bards singing songs and sharing ideas. The city’s Noble guards, or Ninjas, were scattered around the perimeter of the forum, making sure the bad citizens are always dealt with accordingly; occasionally giving their two-cents in the discussions. However, the citizens and Ninjas alike lived under one rule, one higher power that dictated everything in the country of Bungie. From the constant warzone of Reach, to the ghost town of The Classifieds, this one deity ruled them all, the mighty Achronos. He did not rule Bungie with an iron fist, but with tough love, and he never personally punished anyone. If you committed a crime against Bungie, you received a special visit from Achronos’s Grim Reaper, only known to us mortals as “Disembodied Soul.” If it wasn’t for Achronos, Bungie would be nothing but a barren wasteland. He gave us our existence and everything we’ve learned from it. And, despite threatening to wipe the Flood from existence numerous times, it was his unconditional love that persevered through the toughest of times.
That is, until the Alts attacked.
The Flood had experienced great catastrophes in its glorious history. We survived the great Porch storm, the MLP invasion, and assaults from our rival country of 4chan, but nothing could compare to the Attack of the Alts. Led by JOHN CENA, who used his mastery of the art of spamming and URL illusion to consume even the most intelligent Floodians, the Alts broke through the Ninja’s defenses and removed Achronos from his royal palace. JOHN CENA was a master of deception, but he was also a charismatic leader. He was able to convince many surviving Floodians that, “No longer shall we lurk in the shadows and ‘Play Nice,’ depriving ourselves immense opportunities of discussion. No longer, shall we be violated by Disembodied Soul because we want to speak our minds. NO LONGER, shall we allow Achronos and his petty group of thug Ninjas to dictate our lives! Now is the time for change! If you are not with us, you are against us! WE. ARE. OFFTOPIC!” With this famous speech, JOHN CENA was able to inspire the weak-minded and the oft-banned, but the respected Floodians tried fighting back. A group of rebels comprised of TehIllusiveMan, Mister Math, Disambiguation, Harlow, NAKED N00B, jacal, and led by Captain K-Mart, attempted to take back Bungie palace. But JOHN CENA quickly thwarted their attack, killing all of them except K-Mart. No, he had something special planned for him. K-Mart was dragged into the Flood’s city center, decapitated in front of the remaining population, and his head was staked in front of the city. Then JOHN CENA, in an attempt to discourage any more rebellions, exclaimed that everyone willing to live under his rule will stay near the palace while he nukes the city to eradicate the rest of Achronos’s followers from the Flood. However, this didn’t scare everyone. This moment gave someone an opportunity to make a name for himself, to be the hero that he always wanted to be.
Officer Nasty was just another simple member who, day in and day out, followed the rules and minded his own business. But, in this time of chaos, he rose to the challenge. He gathered his belongings, containing his officer suit and a .44 magnum, and convinced his group of friends, each with their own special attributes, to join him. This group was quickly named “The Flood’s Salvation,” and consisted of the citizens Greene, Rampant, BaconShelf, Smiggles, and Hawke. Once they collected their share of supplies, the group headed towards Officer Nasty’s bomb shelter located on the outskirts of the city. He knew this would come in handy someday, it was only a matter of time a tyrant took control of Bungie. So they entered the shelter, where they awaited the inevitable nukes to fall while they devised a strategy to take down JOHN CENA and reclaim the Flood. A few weeks passed, and the group felt the impact of the bombs dropping outside, coupled with a bright flash of light.
And this is where their story began…
5676
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:32:49 AM »
come on nobody
cum on everybody
5677
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:22:53 AM »
5678
« on: December 21, 2014, 12:00:09 AM »
ayy lmao now you can buy stoges, vote, and enlist in the military!
5679
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:56:50 PM »
Went xmas shopping
I should probably try doing that at some point ...
5680
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:55:57 PM »
Lol who the fuck is that?
5681
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:48:52 PM »
Doing pretty good! I unfortunately overslept and missed the start of my shift at work, so I decided to just take the day off. So that made it much better. Got to hang out with a friend all day.
Was your boss angry that you were late though?
............I never went to work >.>
Oh right. >.> I worked from 5-11:30pm, and had to close
5682
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:47:40 PM »
Still adjusting to e-cigarettes.
Are they a lot different than regular cigarettes? I've only smoked one in my life but it didn't really impress me, I"m not a tobacco guy.
For some stupid reason I'm having withdrawal without having nicotine withdrawal. It's the taste and the feel of smoking that makes up a bit of the habit. I have lemon and lime flavour.
Maybe try some of the different flavors?
5683
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:43:11 PM »
Doing pretty good! I unfortunately overslept and missed the start of my shift at work, so I decided to just take the day off. So that made it much better. Got to hang out with a friend all day.
Was your boss angry that you were late though?
5684
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:42:27 PM »
Still adjusting to e-cigarettes.
Are they a lot different than regular cigarettes? I've only smoked one in my life but it didn't really impress me, I"m not a tobacco guy.
5685
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:41:02 PM »
Don't be a shitlord, please.
Fucking make me, m8.
5686
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:36:42 PM »
I'm pretty sure I made a thread like this a few days ago but I fell asleep before I could actually post in it >.>
Anyway, let's talk about something, anything! I just got home from work, had a fantastic night and I'm feeling really good. Don't be a shitlord, please.
5687
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:34:04 PM »
Most recent picture on my phone, was just about to head to my job interview.
aaaaaand this goes to the secret folder
what else is in your secret folder >.>
It wouldn't be a secret if I told.
It wouldn't be a secret if I told you I banged your mother 
triggered
niggered 
5688
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:31:30 PM »
Most recent picture on my phone, was just about to head to my job interview.
aaaaaand this goes to the secret folder
what else is in your secret folder >.>
It wouldn't be a secret if I told.
It wouldn't be a secret if I told you I banged your mother
5689
« on: December 20, 2014, 11:25:54 PM »
Most recent picture on my phone, was just about to head to my job interview.
aaaaaand this goes to the secret folder
what else is in your secret folder >.>
5690
« on: December 20, 2014, 03:25:51 PM »
this is not a shitpost
5691
« on: December 20, 2014, 03:21:07 PM »
That gif reminds me of how rustled I get when it comes to deep-sea exploration and how we pretty much just don't give a fuck about what's down there. Shit, scientists know more about the dark side of the moon than the bottom of the ocean, yet we still pump waste down there like it's nobody's business.
5692
« on: December 20, 2014, 03:18:06 PM »
Why does Beyoncé sing "to the left, to the left"?
Spoiler Because she has no rights. Actually lol'd at this one
5693
« on: December 20, 2014, 03:17:03 PM »
Hey there, Verb, I know that there's a great chance that you'll probably ignore this post since you have me muted and you dislike me, but hear me out. Fuck all of the people in the STEM circlejerk who put others down for their interests. If you love to write, and you believe you have legitimate talent, then by all means go for it. If you're really good at what you do and you stay persistent with your goals, the money will come. Sure, you might have to bounce around minimum wage jobs for a few years, but it's not like that's so uncommon among people at this age. What a lot of STEM majors need to understand is that they are NOT guaranteed a job just because of their major, they have to actually be good at what they do and be skilled enough to get the big-money jobs that pay $100k+/year.
Personal happiness should be the #1 goal, in my opinion.
5694
« on: December 20, 2014, 02:31:33 PM »
Spoiler a GUMMY bear!  Post lame jokes ITT
5695
« on: December 20, 2014, 02:30:08 PM »
:^)
5696
« on: December 20, 2014, 02:27:32 PM »
>le ebin maymay arrows :v)
5697
« on: December 20, 2014, 01:36:46 AM »
5698
« on: December 20, 2014, 01:28:57 AM »
fuck all of you I never win anything
you CAN nominate yourself >_>
but only once
I did but you ignored me 
sorry dude, there was a lot to read. Can you repeat it?
I nominated myself for best poster and most normal >.>
5699
« on: December 20, 2014, 01:25:52 AM »
5700
« on: December 20, 2014, 01:22:27 AM »
Most recent picture on my phone, was just about to head to my job interview.
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