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The Flood / My kitten Thor is finally big enough for a collar
« on: January 29, 2016, 11:12:56 AM »Doesn't he look smart
Athena isn't big enough for hers yet though
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to. 661
The Flood / My kitten Thor is finally big enough for a collar« on: January 29, 2016, 11:12:56 AM »Doesn't he look smart Athena isn't big enough for hers yet though 662
The Flood / Do you sleep naked« on: January 29, 2016, 08:21:34 AM »
It feels nice and refreshing.
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Gaming / Favorite game reviewer?« on: January 29, 2016, 08:03:12 AM »
Mine's Classic Game Room. Seems like a really chilled out dude. I like listening to his reviews.
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Gaming / What videogame character would you drag out and beat with a baseball bat?« on: January 28, 2016, 07:10:56 PM »
I'd bash Wario's skull in.
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The Flood / Sep7 Card Game Supplementary, please provide details for your card.« on: January 28, 2016, 05:24:03 PM »
Okay so this is basically an addon to the SCG (name for now) where I can keep a record of what people want on their cards, without it getting lost in the clutterfuck of the card thread.
My plan for the cards is to have the card's effect somehow tied to the user's behaviour or personality. Since I don't know everyone here and what they are like, I'm gonna need some help so feel free to chip in. Don't need too much detail, just enough so we know what sort of power to give the card. In addition, I would like everyone to please provide a quote of theirs for me to put at the bottom of the card. For reference, here are the rules The main objective is to get the other user permabanned by banning all of their Member cards banned, or getting all of their Thread cards locked. Member Cards Member cards all have two stats: Argumentation (ARG) Rage Threshold (RT) In addition, every Member card will have some sort of effect that you can activate when you bring them on to the field (AKA Logging in). This will range from buffing other cards, to getting rid of certain opposing cards. Member cards may also choose to jump in the way of an attack that is directed at another card, taking the damage instead. This is known as a 'Flame Shield' and the foe's attack will do an extra 10% damage to the Flame Shield user. Members come in three levels: -User -Mod (Mods can lock and unlock threads at will. Performing this action takes up the mod's turn, however so do so at your own risk) -Architects (Cannot be damaged by Incident cards with the exception of cards that affect everyone at once. They may only attack once every other turn.) There are two different types of user, Shitposter and Quality Poster. I will go into this in more detail in the Thread Card section below. Here is an example of a user card. I'm not a fan of shitposting, so I took this into consideration when making the effect. Here is a template: Thread Cards Thread Cards function similarly to Lands from MTG, with which you can play them to give yourself a bit of a boost. Thread Cards will provide you with a different way to play, though creating a Thread will have both a Positive and a Negative side effect, so choose carefully. Mod cards and Admin cards can lock Threads on sight, so be prepared. Thread Cards come in two different flavors: Shitposting and Quality Discussion . When a Shitposting Thread is played, Shitposting-based cards will be able to activate their powers. If a Quality Discussion Thread is active, they will not. Incident Cards Incident Cards are your typical 'spell' card, where you can perform a certain action on your turn. They range from disrupting enemy cards to buffing your own. You can only play one per turn, and you can even play certain Incident cards during your opponent's turn, to mess with them at the last minute. Here is the template: 666
Gaming / Metal Gear Rising was a fun game« on: January 28, 2016, 04:54:11 PM »
Sure the story was dumb and over the top but that's the kind of stuff I enjoy, the crazier the better. A lot of people complained 'hurr durr it's not metul geer salad' but who cares, it doesn't even have Solid in the title and its still fun. Sure the game was a wee bit short and the level design could be a bit bland, but the gameplay and soundtrack were really good imo.
YouTube So ya. What did you think of MGR? Personally can't wait for a sequel. 667
Gaming / Anyone have Dark Souls 2 on PS4, fancy doing a co-op run?« on: January 28, 2016, 01:24:49 PM »
Figured it might be fun to do a co op run with someone here. My PSN is GurrenSwagann, if anyone's up for it.
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The Flood / What movie (s) should I watch from my collection?« on: January 28, 2016, 12:39:47 PM »
Pick up to three I should watch. I can't decide. I'll watch the most popular ones.
Spoiler 670
The Flood / Captain Stardust: A sci fi story in progress« on: January 27, 2016, 08:26:10 PM »
So these past few months I've been adding to a sci fi story I've been writing. I've done about 50-something pages so far (oh dear) and I figured I'd post it here because why not, and it will also be good to get feedback and new ideas and suggestions. So without further ado...
CAPTAIN STARDUST A far-reaching space epic set against a comedy drama, Captain Stardust follows Jeff and Hal, two crew members of the spaceship Maria as they travel the gulf of space, taking odd jobs here and there because they really need the cash. After all, you can't always rely on toothpaste for nourishment. However in the background, a dark conspiracy is unraveling, with centuries-old beings and fearsome mechanical terrors locked in a conflict that could shape the fate of the universe itself. None of that really matters to Jeff though, he just wants something to eat. Prologue Spoiler Life. The great adventure. The universe is full of life, each being having its own story. Some are grand in scale, reaching endlessly across the sea of stars to capture the imagination of countless others, while some are relatively small, passing by unnoticed, like a tiny speck of dust drifting in a vast open space. Even the tiniest specks of dust can cause a fever though, and the smallest of stories can have a lasting impact on the bigger scheme of things. In an ever expanding universe where everything has a story, sometimes the greatest tale can come from the most unremarkable of places. You can't get everything in life, that's impossible. It's important to know that nothing lasts forever, and it's up to you to decide how to spend your time. Will you live an easy life, relying on others to do the hard work for you, or will you get your hands dirty and jump feet first into trouble? When the time comes, and you're looking back on your whole life, you will say to yourself, "I am so glad I did that. I had fun. I didn't waste my time." Life is full of ups and downs but at the end of the day it's the journey that counts. After all, what's the point in living if you can't at least have a bit of adventure? In the days before the Great Collision, such luxuries could be freely enjoyed at one's leisure without much effort or consequence. The notion of travelling across the stars and encountering bizarre new lifeforms was just wishful thinking, the childish fantasy of a young boy perhaps. Life was relatively normal and the fantastic adventures of spacemen and aliens were confined to literature and a television screen. Let's take a step back and find out why everything got so screwed up. It wasn't always so bad, in fact the world used to be quite a nice place to live. The sky was blue, the grass was green and mayonnaise was disgusting. Now the sky is a strange orange color that lies somewhere between marmalade and rust, the grass is toxic and mayonnaise is still disgusting. Life as we know it took a drastic change when the Great Collision occurred. In the year 2020, in the middle of a Mexican desert an amazing discovery took place. A courier was travelling through a dirt path when he noticed something strange, a small metal rod sticking out of the ground, aged with rust. Initially he thought nothing of it, he was accustomed to seeing junk everywhere. This was different, though. When he held his hand near the object he felt a tingling sensation, similar to the feeling of static one gets when they touch a television. Ever the curious type, the courier grabbed the rod with both hands and with both feet planted firmly on the floor he began to pull as hard as he could. At first it didn't even budge, but with great effort he managed to shift it in the ground and he yanked it straight out. It felt oddly cold in his hands and the static sensation had gone, it was as if all the life had suddenly left the strange object. Within moments the ground began to shiver beneath his feet and he ran for the safety of a nearby dune to take cover. Peeking over the top of the grassy bank he could see that where the rod had been, the ground had crumbled away and there was a pitch black pit in the Earth that began to expand swiftly as more and more of the ground gave way. In about five minutes a large circular hole now occupied the space which used to be a rather unremarkable area of sand. The courier crept to the edge of the circle and peered down into the inky black depths of the chasm. Deep down, from the bowels of the pit, the static sensation from earlier was drifting upwards, and he could feel it enveloping his body. His hair began to stand on end and an overwhelming feeling of dizziness and nausea began to creep into his head. Fearing he might fall in, he took a photo of the hole with his phone and made his way back to town on his bike with the rod tucked into his bag, heading straight to the local police station. Within hours the whole town was gathered around the hole with news reporters and curious onlookers flooding to the area to get a better look at the discovery. The courier and his find became a worldwide sensation overnight, with social media and television channels bursting with speculation and discussion on the curious hole and the mysterious rod. Within months, an ever expanding research and development facility was set up around the site and the greatest minds on the planet went to work studying the mysterious technology. Other strange, incredibly advanced pieces of technology were discovered around the area, which thanks to reverse engineering, paved the way to the eventual development of experimental machinery and technology that humankind wouldn't have even dreamed of. Among the discovered objects was a large, rusted hulking metal behemoth which when examined, turned out to be a large spaceship of incredible design. Though it was coated in a thick layer of rust and soil the ship still appeared to be in good condition and many research expeditions were led into the craft to examine it. After studying the spaceship's systems, the scientific minds of Earth were able to craft a vast number of crafts capable of flight, though none could last very long out of the atmosphere. Humanity wasn't quite ready for space flight just yet, and no matter how hard they tried to activate the excavated spaceship itself, they simply could not get it to start. It was impossible to study the giant hole in detail due to both the immense size and depth, and its strange reaction to the equipment used in an attempt to examine it. Many different forms of equipment were used, but no matter what, it all began to malfunction as soon as it was lowered into the depths. The hole was cordoned off and In the years that followed, the new technology became steadily integrated with everyday life and the excavation site became more of a museum than anything. The ship became open to the public, and guided tours with excitable tourists replaced what had once been a network of brilliant minds and clandestine developments. Humanity was enjoying an age of prosperity and comfort, so it was no surprise that something went horribly wrong. About 32 years after the discovery, a curious young man was roaming the spaceship's engine room when he decided to enter a curious looking doorway in the corner that caught his eye. Stepping into this relatively small and unremarkable room, he began to walk around it, determined to find something worthwhile while humming a catchy tune to himself. Unsatisfied, he sat down on the floor and absent-mindedly dragged his fingers across the surface in random lines and patterns as children were prone to doing, though they usually had a pen or crayon in their hand at the time. It wasn't long before the boy noticed something different about the room. The usually grey and rusty walls had began to glow a bright blue color and the floor was even brighter. Both excited and nervous, he stood up and made his way to one of the glowing blue walls and touched it. Luminous white lines began to appear on the wall's surface and he traced them with his finger, curious about why they were there and what their purpose was. Throughout the interior ship, the same phenomenon was occurring and both the tourists and staff evacuated the now-active spaceship. Exiting through the airlock out into the desert, the onlookers looked on in awe as the hole began to emit an ominous buzzing sound that echoed throughout the entire desert and stung their ears. Still inside the engine room, the boy could hear the sound though it didn't hurt his ears. To him it sounded like a fly buzzing around in the background, of no danger to him. He tried to leave through the airlock, but found it locked from the outside with no means of escape. He could only look through the transparent panel in the middle of the engine room wall, and what he saw was like something out of a crazy science fiction cartoon. A giant beam of bright blue light was erupting from the hole, shooting straight up into the sky. There were smoking piles of ash scattered around the edge, surrounded by scraps of what looked like burned clothes. He tried desperately to open the door, but it simply would not budge. The giant beam was visible for miles around. The sky above darkened with harshly stormy clouds, a sudden downpour of heavy rain cascading down on the bewildered population. Nobody dared to approach the beam, fearing what would happen if they got too close. It continued to pierce the sky for about an hour, then vanished. The storms began to increase in severity and flooding was reported all around the world. The clouds suddenly began to drift erratically and an extremely loud rumbling sound could be heard coming from the sky as a massive, slow moving dark object could be seen descending against the stormy backdrop, lit up briefly by the occasional bright flashes of lightning. The level of panic and hysteria of the onlookers was astronomical as they watched the object fall to Earth in the distance, unsure of where it would land and what sort of effects it would cause. The authorities and research teams rushed with haste towards the most likely point of impact, the Mexican excavation site and sure enough, the mysterious object appeared to be hurtling towards the hole. Looking through their magnifier scopes, they could see that it was a dark, black rock that was covered in vein-like lines that pulsed with a glowing blue color, the very same color of the beam. As it approached the ground the wind began to blow harshly and they were knocked off their feet, tumbling across the sand. They braced for impact and expected the worst, but suddenly the wind died down. Getting to their feet and looking around, the sky was still dark but the the rock had disappeared. Approaching the hole and peering down, they got there just in time to see the rock disappear into the depths of the hole and out of view. Their relief was short lived, however as the whole ground began to shake violently and even more beams of blue light erupted through the cracks in the ground that were appearing everywhere, illuminating the darkened environment. They quickly retreated to their vehicles and drove frantically away, unknowingly leaving the lone boy in the spaceship behind. There was global terror and unrest as earthquakes erupted everywhere, sinking entire villages and swallowing fleeing people who were trying their best to get away from the chaos. The destruction lasted for a few hours until it calmed down, and the earth was in ruins. Buildings lay toppled on the ground, the remains of bridges and other large structures were smashed to the ground and large portions of the ground had given way to giant chasms that no longer emitted any blue light, and were now simply deep, dark holes. The origin of the rock was completely unknown to the world leaders and scientific minds, but that was the least of their problems as they tried to come up with a feasible plan to cope with the events that later became known as The Great Collision. The activation of the strange technology seemed to have a resonating effect on their own technology which had been engineered after studying the artifacts, and a strange blue light had been emanating from it all, causing it to act erratically and raise the power output far beyond their usual levels. This inspired the scientists and they soon got to work on harnessing this new powered up technology on their airships. Within months, a plan to evacuate to space was hatched. Due to the raised energy level of the technology that they possessed, they calculated that the chances of finally getting the crafts past the atmosphere and beyond had increased dramatically. A massive spaceship was constructed, called The Brave New World and it was to carry a large amount of suitable people into the stars where they could begin a new life, away from the harsh, increasingly more unsuitable conditions on Earth. All of the world leaders, business magnates and rich investors, and members of each ethnic race were given permission to board, while the rest of the population, deemed 'undesirables' were left to contend with the barren wasteland they were stranded on. Work continued onboard The Brave New World, with the engineers and scientists bringing along a huge amount of construction and colonization materials, with the end goal of relocating the people to live on other planets. Life on board the ship was anything but relaxing, and civil unrest was common as the years went on. When the world leaders passed away, there was a power vacuum and many vied for control over their small nations. By the time the colonization equipment was ready to be put to use and the landing crafts were packed, the people in charge were ruthless, tight-fisted overlords who lept greedily at the chance to run their own colonies. Styling themselves as 'High Overseers', they ruled their planets with an iron grip. Over time the High Overseers began to lose their grip on their worlds due to questionable policies and laws, and also severely underestimating the power of the people. Over time their own colonies eventually grew more and more independent and out of their control, eventually resulting in a mass rebellion during an event which later became known as the 'Coup De Mars'. The military colony of Mars overthrew their Overseer by digging underneath their headquarters and holding him hostage, then established their own government before sending messengers to the neighbouring worlds to help them remove the other Overseers from power. Eventually these planets merged their military colonies into one governing body called the Star Corps, led by the disgruntled miner who had led the initial uprising. Ushering in a new age of peace, commerce and liberty the Star Corps expanded its reach across the galaxy until all was taken under its watchful gaze. Many years passed and life in space reached a point where it was basically the same as on Earth, but in space. It was during this time that the story of Captain Stardust takes place. Chapter 1 Spoiler In a distant corner of uncharted space, the attack shuttle's entire frame shuddered wildly as the ship's giant engines blasted at maximum power, sending it hurtling across the stars. Barely managing to escape from the dying planet, the crew on board had barely managed to get out with their lives, though the tremendous casualty count was regrettable. The ship's pilot had his hands firmly wrapped around the controls, struggling desperately to keep the ship together. Small cracks were beginning to creep their way across windows and the pilot prayed to whoever was listening to let them at least make it to the station in time. They were quite a distance away from the station so the prospect of actually making it there alive was growing thinner with each passing moment. Broken parts of the ship were beginning to tear off as the ship sped up, the engines continuing to blast a massive trail of excess energy behind them. Metal plates, nuts and bolts and pieces of wiring occasionally pounded the window after being caught in the ship's malfunctioning gravity field and contributed to the size of the growing cracks on the windows. The station had thankfully come into view in the distance when suddenly a large chunk of the ship's wing got torn clean off and thudded against the window. It hit once, the cracks instantly reaching across the surface like a large spider-web, then again. The window smashed into pieces, shattering slowly as the shards got caught in the faulty gravity. The entire cabin being filled with the sound of strangled choking as the interior's life support systems struggled to maintain itself, a temporary force field of oxygen forming around the crew that only lasted for about four seconds before failing again. The ship's electronics and power devices slowly died and the whole shuttle was plunged into darkness. Elsewhere in space, on board the Maria, nothing much was going on. Drifting gently in orbit above a vast purple moon, the modified cargo freighter was quite a bizarre sight to behold, formed by an almost patchwork quality mish mash of different parts and materials. The ship possessed no discernible color scheme, every part of it seemed independent from the rest. Originally a boxy, rectangular shaped freighter, it had been heavily modified to suit the needs and wants of its crew and had spent weeks at various ports and stations around the galaxy, picking up something new to add to its increasingly convoluted design every time. Everything was quiet and still, the only hint of activity coming from the low hum of the ship's engines and a slight shuffling sound moving down one of the ship's dark hallways. A dark mass slowly lumbered down the quiet corridor, low moans and labored breathing emanating from the huddled shape. As it made its way to the open door it bent over and let out a thunderous wheezing sound that echoed off the grimy walls, then all was silent again. It entered the kitchen slowly as the door slid open with a loud hiss, then all went silent again as it closed. It made its way across the room and stopped at a large rectangular object that was resting against the far wall. A thin, shivering arm emerged from the mass and reached up to the shape and grabbed hold of a handle attached to the tall mass. The silence was once again broken as a metallic scraping sound filled the room and a tiny glow of light beamed from a new source within the object. There was a sniff and a low moan from the creature as its sickly face was illuminated briefly, before the light was extinguished and it pushed the scraping sound was heard again. There was a distinct clicking sound as the light switch for the kitchen was turned on and the whole room was dimly illuminated with a pale yellow light. The huddled figure retreated slightly as a second occupant stepped into the room. ''Bit late for a milkshake isn't it?'' The new occupant announced loudly with a sarcastic tone. ''The fridge has been empty for the past three days, Jeff. What makes you think there would suddenly be stuff in there to eat?'' The figure turned around and regarded the visitor with a blank expression. ''I was hoping you'd been shopping, I was asleep for a while. For all I know, you could have bought me an entire fudge cake.'' He moved closer to the light, his face lit up by the pale glow. His skin was a sickly yellow color and his eyes were bloodshot. ''What were you doing in here anyway, Hal? You're supposed to be a deep sleeper.'' Hal strolled over to the fridge and opened it, grinning to himself when he confirmed that the fridge was indeed empty. A tall and bulky man, with dark skin and scarred hands, Hal was the ship's pilot and longtime friend of Jeff's. Though he was easily irritated, usually by Jeff', the two had stayed firm friends through some hard times and he genuinely did feel a sort of paternal caring emotion towards Jeff, though he rarely admitted it. ''It's that damn rat again. Keeps scuttling around the place, I can't get any sleep while it's making that racket. Thought I could catch it and get rid of it.'' ''You couldn't catch a cold.'' Jeff replied with a sniff. ''That rat is never going to leave. It's going to haunt your dreams.'' Hal strode closer to Jeff, being careful to keep his distance. ''With any luck I won't catch yours, you look terrible!'' He looked at Jeff closely, his dark eyes hazy with lack of sleep. Jeff was a young, blonde man of medium height. His hair was in a constant state of disarray though he did his best to style it whenever the opportunity arose. With his round blue eyes and cheeky grin, he was the hotshot of the crew, the one who more often than not jumped into problems feet first without thinking about it first. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. When it didn't work, he usually found a way to make the situation even worse than it already was. Thankfully Hal was always there to save him, thanks to his experience as a Star Corps Security Warden- a fact Jeff was constantly reminded of by Hal every time he got into trouble. Jeff had come to be a member of the Maria's two-man crew about four years ago, during a fated encounter with Hal at the prison they were both incarcerated at prison. . Ever since then the two had traveled together after being released, taking on jobs from whoever would offer to pay them. Usually witty and sarcastic by nature, lately he had been rather quiet and withdrawn, though it was the awful cold he had picked up on their trip to Tino's that had caused his decline in mood. Due to the ship's wonky heating he had taken to wrapping himself in a big bundle of rags and blankets to keep himself warm and to prevent the cold from getting worse. ''You need the rest, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.'' Hal's stomach let out a low growl. The fridge had indeed been empty for the past three days and their supply of mint toothpaste had long since been depleted. They had considered testing the edibility of the soap but had decided against it when they remembered that it had spent about 5 weeks floating around in muck when the bathroom had flooded. Jeff jerked his head forward in a sneeze and pulled out a stool from underneath the bar. With a grunt he pulled himself up onto it and sat slouched in the middle. ''So what's happening tomorrow anyway?'' He paused to let out a throaty cough and almost fell off the stool. ''I doubt I'll be that much use, can't I just stay here and guard the ship?'' He already knew what Hal's response was going to be but he tried his best anyway. ''I heard Hollas was a frightfully dangerous planet, full of eight foot tall Doombugs!'' He paused while he attempted to make a monstrous-looking visage using his hands in front of his face. ''They say they can rip you in half just by looking in your general direction. Somebody should really stay behind to guard this thing and I definitely think I'm the right man for the job.'' ''Hollas' inhabitants are three feet tall and are about as threatening as a tin of beans,'' Hal regarded Jeff coolly. ''And don't give me that nonsense about nine foot tall Doombugs, I saw you watching those cartoons last week.'' He moved closer to Jeff. You can't keep using your own laziness as an excuse to shrug off work. We need this.'' He moved closer still. 'You have something to say? Go on, I'm listening. I'll wait.'' ''They were 8 foot tall, not 9, you should pay more attention.'' Jeff replied. ''You never know, you might learn a thing or two.'' He gave Hal a cheeky grin, to which he could not help but let escape the shadow of a smile on his stern face. ''What we've got to do tomorrow is probably important.'' Hal said. ''These people need our help and they have offered to reward us handsomely in return.'' The prospect of earning some sort of reward seemed to hang in the air like a smell, though a really nice one at that. ''Just think, after tomorrow we could be eating real food again. Goodbye mouldy peelings, hello greasy steaks!'' Jeff's mind wandered to visions of plates piled with exotic meats dripping with tangy sauces and enough delicacy to feed a committee. The thought of actually being able to consume real food was oh so enticing so he made up his mind to do his best and ignore his cold when the time came to actually go outside and do something. For now though, he was content to sit wrapped in his small mound of cloth and rags and stare wistfully at the empty fridge that would no doubt soon be jam packed with food. ''Eight hours,'' Hal called behind him as he left the kitchen. ''You've got eight hours to either sit there and stare at the fridge all night, or sleep. It's up to you. Personally I'd rather sleep.'' He paused and turned around, barely visible to Jeff from the doorway of the kitchen. ''Goodnight, and try not to eat too much before you sleep. It's unhealthy.'' Jeff slowly lowered himself off his stool and shuffled over to the fridge. One last look, just one last hopeful look. The possibility of food appearing in the fridge suddenly was highly unlikely but Jeff wasn't one to give up on something if there was food involved. He pried open the door and let out a defeated sigh as looked upon the cold, empty space. He closed the fridge door and made his way back out of the kitchen. As he returned to his room down the corridor, he wondered just what the inhabitants of Hollas wanted help with, and what sort of reward they would receive for their heroic efforts. The thoughts remained, a faint glimmer of hope in his mind until he slipped out of consciousness. Chapter 2 Spoiler Hal gazed out of the front cockpit window with curious eyes as he sipped his coffee. It was his one luxury that he allowed himself to have on special occasions, and the magnificent view of the planet surface was truly a sight that fit such a moment. He told Jeff that it was toilet water, to deter him from drinking it and stealing his stash, which he had hidden safely in the engine room. He knew that he probably shouldn't lie to his friend but this was his one treasure, something he wasn't about to share with anyone anytime soon. It was a gift from his family, they had given it to him when he had last visited them at the Peace Station months ago and he had treasured it and kept it safe since. Hal was wearing his favorite t-shirt that he usually wore for luck before a job, a dark grey-color with a faded design of a rocket leaping across a bright circle emblazoned with the words 'FLY HIGH.' He had owned it for more years than he cared to remember, merchandise from his favorite band The Afterburners. Hal's most prized possession was a large collection of Afterburners CDs that he kept in the storage compartment next to the the ship controls. He flicked open the lid of his small CD player and popped in a disc, aptly named Greatest Hits and laid back comfortably in his chair, feeling pleasantly content in his moment of peace as the first song began to play. The sound of Dean Nova's soothing voice filled the cabin, and Hal felt content with life in that moment. The clouds that layered the planet's atmosphere had began to clear as Hal wiped the last few remaining coffee dregs from his beard. A yawn from behind him signalled the arrival of his crewmate and he spun around in his chair to greet the sleepy arrival. ''Morning princess,'' he began as he looked at Jeff, but let out a groan when he saw that Jeff was still in his blue pyjamas, decorated with a pattern of assorted ducks. ''You do realize that we are about to land at the Hollas Station, right? I suppose your idea of an introduction is showing them the soup stains on your shirt? Or your family of pet rocks?'' ''Those stains are memories,'' Jeff replied, ''and rocks have feelings too, you know. How would you like it if you were stuck in the same place for decades, unable to move or speak freely, constantly being dragged along by the endless drowning tide?'' ''Sounds like retail'' Hal quipped. He was accustomed to rebutting Jeff's nonsense. ''Besides, I would rather that than be stuck here gawking at you in those hideous pyjamas. Now get yourself dressed, I'm not going to wait much longer. Either you get dressed and ready within the new half an hour or you'll be spending the rest of the month on toilet duty, and judging by from what I've heard about the food on Hollas, you'll wish we actually had a working gas mask on board. Jeff returned to his cabin as Hal began to lower the ship into a gradual dive towards the Ground Station. Stopping to gaze at his reflection in a particularly shiny panel in his room's wall, he noticed that his skin was no longer as pale as it was during the peak of his cold, and his eyes appeared to be less bloodshot. ''Hey gorgeous'' he muttered to himself with a cheeky smile and carried on with getting changed into his environment suit. A rubbery, lime-colored full body suit with long tight sleeves and ill-fitting boots, the protective 'Multi-Environment Hazard Suit' was designed to be used in a variety of different environments. With a few minor tweaks made by Hal, it also acted as protective gear against blunt force and some small firearms. As he buckled on his utility belt containing sprays and his datapad, Jeff stood up and strode to his mirror again. He brushed his hair to one side, though this was an unnecessary action as this helmet would flatten his hair anyway. Jeff didn't care, however. Every opportunity to look good was not to be wasted. As the Maria descended to the surface, the windows began to fog up slightly as they dropped through a large and ominous raincloud. Hal could hear the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the ship and saw the droplets cascading down the window. ''Shame we forgot the umbrellas'' he muttered gloomily to himself. He turned to look at Jeff who was sitting in the co-pilot's chair next to him. ''Remember, no first names. Strictly codenames. What's it going to be this time?'' ''Yeah we don't want a repeat of what happened last time. I don't particularly want to get married again, least of all to an alien with tentacles instead of arms. I prefer my women to have a tongue for good kissing, not tearing out throats.'' He paused to think for a moment, closing his eyes in consideration. ''Awesome. Call me Captain Awesome. What am I gonna call you?'' ''I'll be Rocketman.'' Hal answered with an air of feigned self importance. ''Nice and simple.'' He frowned slightly. ''Not sure if I'm a big fan of the name though. 'Captain Awesome seems a bit too bit too big-headed. For you, I mean.'' He looked at Jeff who rolled his eyes and leaned back in an expression of deep offense.''Try and think of something a bit less... flashy.'' ''Okay then, something a bit less flashy.'' He muttered quietly to himself in deep thought for a short while. ''Flashy... flashy... flash.'' His eyes widened slightly in a moment of brilliance. ''How about Captain Flash? I mean it's not too big-headed, and I get to still sound cool at the same time!'' He sat back smugly in his chair with a large content grin stretched across his face. ''Captain Flash,'' he spoke softly. ''I can hear them chanting it now. They'll probably make me a great hero or something. I might even get my own mud hut.'' Hal rubbed his forehead with a gloved hand and sighed. ''That wasn't exactly what I had in mind but it'll have to do. Don't want to strain your brain too much by over thinking things.'' He sat upright in his chair and took a large swig of the bottled water he kept on the small table next to his chair. Given that they spent most of their time cooped up on board the spaceship, it helped to have a large supply of water that was contained within the wide tank that took up most of the space in the medical station. Though it was supposed to be used for water storing purposes only, Hal had reason to be suspicious that Jeff on more than one occasion had used it as a bath, due to the conspicuous stack of towels that was often left next to it. Gagging slightly as he removed a handful of suspicious hairs from his tongue after nearly swallowing them, Hal grabbed the Info Pad and logged into the system. He opened the log book and entered the two names as a new entry. ''Rocketman and Captain Flash, I suppose it has a nice ring to it.'' He put down the info pad and took hold of the ship's controls. ''Okay we're nearly there, keep an eye out for the landing platform.'' The rain was getting heavier now and sky was darkening, making it increasingly more difficult to see their surroundings past the beams of the Maria's headlights. The ship began to shudder as it drew closer to the surface and soon the brightly lit, hexagonal shaped platform began to materialize into sight through the constant veil of pouring rain. Hal let the ship hover steady as took his hands off the controls and grabbed his thermonoculars. The heavy rain made it difficult to see properly through the windows and their scanner was in dire need of repair so he had to rely on the heat signatures of the aliens below to navigate his way to their destination. He could not see much in the way of details through the thermonoculars either, but he wasn't in much of a mood for taking in the scenery at the moment. There appeared to be a congregation at the edge of the platform, as he could tell by the mass of orange blobs that came up in his sights. More than likely there were the aliens waiting to greet the guests as they arrived. ''Looks like our hosts are here to say hello.'' He said to Jeff, as he handed him the thermonoculars. '' I don't see a welcome mat though, so watch your step when we get off. If you do get anything on your boots then make sure you wipe it off on something before you get back on board.'' As they landed, Jeff couldn't help but stare at the welcoming party through the fogged-up windows. Their features were difficult to distinguish through the windows but he could just vaguely make out their overall shape. They were, as Hal had described, about three feet tall, their heads resembling the shape of eggs and their shiny skin was a pale blue color that seemed to glow a luminous green in the ship's headlights. They were standing arranged in a group of about 15 and winced slightly as the ship's exhaust wafted hot air and rain over them. The landing feet extended out of the ship's exterior and touched down with a rough thud and Hal systematically went through the ship locking routine as Jeff performed a few last minute checks on the Info Pad. '''Now remember, we're getting paid for this. With money. Stuff we can use to buy other stuff with. Preferably food. If we mess this up then we'll probably have to eat the cat.'' ''Oh no, how could you?'' Jeff looked shocked. ''We don't even have a cat but still!'' Jeff reassuringly put his gloved hand on Hal's shoulder. ''It's alright. If worst comes to worst then you can have me. My feet are succulent. Or so I've been told.'' He gazed down at his boots. ''I mean, you could probably dress them up with some sauce or something, you know. Add a bit of zest. Maybe with some wedges on the side?'' Hal turned the handle next to the door and it began to slide open with a metallic hiss. ''I get the idea. I think I'd rather roast your tongue though. Maybe then you'd actually stop talking but I doubt even that would be enough.'' The doors were parting, filling the cabin with light. Jeff and Hal took a deep breath as they prepared to step out into this strange new world and save the people from whatever abominable doom was ailing them. The door jammed. There was a gap of about half a foot between the doors through which they could see the platform and its occupants. Jeff rolled his eyes and and leaned precariously through the gap to greet the aliens. ''Lovely to meet you, and thank you for allowing us to land here!'' He reached out his arm and held his hand there in an effort to greet them, but they stood there, staring blankly. Evidently they did not grasp the concept of a welcoming handshake. Jeff retracted his arm and retreated back through the gap. ''Of course the door would jam. Why wouldn't it?'' ''I thought we had it fixed weeks ago. Didn't that mechanic we picked up at Macy's say he was going to fix it?'' Hal scratched his helmet thoughtfully and shrugged. ''Oh he fixed something alright but it wasn't the doors.'' Jeff replied. Hal stared at him. ''I'm not even going to ask. I suppose I'll find out at some point anyway.'' He turned the handle again to close the doors. ''Great first meeting, I'm sure we made a great impression.'' He once again turned the handle, this time slowly with more care. In a world where everything went wrong for the crew of the Maria, moments of triumph or merit rarely occurred. It seemed that in that moment fate itself took pity on them as not only did the doors open fully without a problem, but as they stepped out onto the wet platform, the rain also stopped. Hal and Jeff turned to each other and nodded. They could not see each other's faces due to the water clouding the visors but they both knew the other was grinning at this sudden turn of events. Their boots kicked up small waves as they made their way across the platform to the welcoming party. The rain on Hollas seemed to be a lot thicker than on other planets so the puddles were even bigger, even the smaller ones which were hardly an inconvenience elsewhere. They stopped in front of the aliens and got their first good look at them. The aliens had thin blue bodies, with small, lanky arms and legs. Their skin seemed to almost move independently from their bodies, and they realized with amazement that it was reacting to the rain drops that landed on their bodies and became absorbed by the almost jelly-like texture. The rain was trickling down through the inside of their body where it simply disappeared from view as it reached the bottom. Hal guessed that this was one of their ways of staying hydrated, somehow. Jeff removed his Info Pad from his belt, searching for his universal dictionary application and blew it up to full screen. Because of their lack of funds they had been unable to upgrade it to the latest edition for some time so it lacked any newly discovered languages, but thankfully Hollish was on there. It wasn't officially called Hollish, the real name was hard to pronounce so Jeff just called it Hollish for consistency's sake. He glanced at the screen and spoke the basic greeting to them, to which they simply nodded. Hal stepped forward and leaned in close to Jeff. ''I think I saw some of the guys leaving as we got off the ship,'' he said quietly. ''Wonder what that was all about.'' One of the aliens at the front of the group stepped forward. ''We have somewhat fluent in English.'' It began in an oddly high pitched, harmonious voice. ''Enough human travellers pass through and sometimes stop at this world so we picked up a thing or three.'' Its blue skin glistened with raindrops that had remained on its surface and it almost seemed to glow from within as if some light was pulsing deep within its body. It looked at Jeff with bright red eyes, its face not unlike a human's, save for the lack of a mouth. Instead the sound of its voice seemed to come from within the body itself, and the light inside pulsed in time with its speech. ''We need your help, spacemen.'' it said to them. ''People from villages are missing and we don't know what's happening to them.'' It paused and turned around to face its companions, and spoke to them hurriedly. ''We request that you help find our missing people.'' It told Jeff as it turned back to them. ''We provide a place to stay while you are here, please follow.'' The aliens parted to let the speaker through, who took Jeff's hand and led him away. Hal stood where he was for a few seconds, nodding at the aliens who were still staring at him, then followed Jeff and their host. 671
The Flood / What would you do with your clone, if you had one« on: January 27, 2016, 02:05:32 PM »
I'd train him as an elite hitman then take all his money from the hits
672
The Flood / I got some free sample Star Wars wallpaper and it looks weird« on: January 27, 2016, 01:05:47 PM »
The fuck is up with Chewbacca?
673
The Flood / It's 4.53 AM and I'm supposed to be up at half 8« on: January 26, 2016, 10:54:57 PM »
Is it worth sleeping for just 3 hours? I'm fucking TERRIBLE at getting up in the morning, and I know that if I go to sleep, the waking up part will be awful.
I only have morning class that finishes at around 12, so I can just go to sleep when I'm done with that. What should I do? 674
The Flood / I got bored so I walked into a brothel on my street« on: January 26, 2016, 04:39:25 PM »
I was lying on the couch bored out of my mind so I flexed my brain muscles in an attempt to quench my ever growing boredom. I remembered that there was a brothel as few doors down, so I decided to pay the fine establishment a visit, no harm in that.
I slid into my jim jams and pulled on my puffy coat and went for a nice late night stroll to my destination. I noticed that there was a shady guy hanging around the area so I waited a little while outside the door, staring at my phone screen in an attempt to look busy. After what seemed like 3 hours, he fucked off somewhere so I seized my chance and entered the building. I was in some kind of dimly lit porch with a heavy wooden door and a buzzer next to it. At this point the situation really kicked into my mind and I realized I'm walking into a fucking brothel.' But I said screw it why not, so I pressed the buzzer. Shortly after, the buzzer buzzed and the door was unlocked. I pushed it open, my heart thumping up and down my throat, and slowly willed myself to enter. It looked like something out of a 1970s porno, with dark red wallpaper and weird vases placed on tables. I walked up the dark stairs and saw an old woman sitting by a desk, obviously the receptionist. She looked like the type of lady you'd see working as a dinner lady at a school. She said hello and told me to go take a seat over in the corner. I sat down on one of the comfy red leather chairs, beginning to feel a bit nervous. I'm not coming here for sex, I just walked in because I was bored and oh my god what is going to happen? The door at the end of the hallway opens and in walks some tall, black woman wearing lingerie who smiles at me and says 'Hi, how are you?' I just sat there blankly and responded with 'Yeah I'm alright like' and gave a weak smile. She then left, another woman walked out, bit smaller and white. She again asked 'Hello, how are you?' All I could manage was 'Yeh' So that happened a few more times, until the old woman came up to me and asked me what I wanted. I asked her what she meant and she told me that it was £40 for oral sex, and £60 for intercourse. At this point I realized that I should probably leave before things get weird so I told her that I was there to see a friend. She said 'Well, they need to be here, you can't just send someone else to do it for them' and I just nodded and said 'Yeah I know' with some mouth movement that somewhat resembled a cheeky grin and got up and jogged away. 675
The Flood / I'm designing a Sep7agon card game (Now with updated rules!)« on: January 26, 2016, 01:15:44 PM »
Let's have some fun, peeps!
The main objective is to get the other user permabanned by banning all of their Member cards banned, or getting all of their Thread cards locked. Member Cards Member cards all have two stats: Argumentation (ARG) Rage Threshold (RT) In addition, every Member card will have some sort of effect that you can activate when you bring them on to the field (AKA Logging in). This will range from buffing other cards, to getting rid of certain opposing cards. Member cards may also choose to jump in the way of an attack that is directed at another card, taking the damage instead. This is known as a 'Flame Shield' and the foe's attack will do an extra 10% damage to the Flame Shield user. Members come in three levels: -User -Mod (Mods can lock and unlock threads at will. Performing this action takes up the mod's turn, however so do so at your own risk) -Architects (Cannot be damaged by Incident cards with the exception of cards that affect everyone at once. They may only attack once every other turn.) There are two different types of user, Shitposter and Quality Poster. I will go into this in more detail in the Thread Card section below. Here is an example of a user card. I'm not a fan of shitposting, so I took this into consideration when making the effect. Here is a template: Thread Cards Thread Cards function similarly to Lands from MTG, with which you can play them to give yourself a bit of a boost. Thread Cards will provide you with a different way to play, though creating a Thread will have both a Positive and a Negative side effect, so choose carefully. Mod cards and Admin cards can lock Threads on sight, so be prepared. Thread Cards come in two different flavors: Shitposting and Quality Discussion . When a Shitposting Thread is played, Shitposting-based cards will be able to activate their powers. If a Quality Discussion Thread is active, they will not. Incident Cards Incident Cards are your typical 'spell' card, where you can perform a certain action on your turn. They range from disrupting enemy cards to buffing your own. You can only play one per turn, and you can even play certain Incident cards during your opponent's turn, to mess with them at the last minute. Here is the template: First things first, we need the cards themselves. I've got a template with a transparent gap in the middle, so just download it and slot your picture behind it, then post it here. Set the font to Century Gothic Bold and use one of these as an icon: Tea- British Star- 'Murican Kangaroo- Australian Leaf- Canda CHEAT SAID HE'D HELP MAKE IT IF IT GETS ENOUGH INTEREST SO GET IN HERE PEOPLE MAKE IT HAPPEN If anyone else wants to chip in with rules, be my guest. 677
The Flood / How many pillows do you sleep on?« on: January 25, 2016, 10:02:06 PM »
I hate it when I stay in a hotel or someone's house and I only have 1 pillow to sleep on wtf? I need at least 2, maybe 3 depending on the thickness. Can't get comfy until I have 2 beneath my cushy head.
678
The Flood / I am a registered minister in the ULC, post ITT if you want to marry« on: January 25, 2016, 07:09:10 PM »
As I am a registered minister in the Universal Life Church, I'm sort of alright to do weddings and shit.
Pick a user and if they comply I will perform the ceremony. You will be happy. 679
The Flood / I'm going on a mission to space, convince me to take you with me.« on: January 25, 2016, 06:58:42 PM »
Please fill out the form
- 680
The Flood / 'What We Do in the Shadows' is getting a spinoff« on: January 25, 2016, 06:15:40 PM »
Called 'We're Wolves'
http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2016/01/25/what-we-do-in-the-shadows-follow-up-gets-a-snappy-title Actually looking forward to this, What We Do in the Shadows was one of the funniest films I've ever seen. Hope Stu is in it, love Stu. Top bloke. 681
The Flood / Come to Wales, we have castles« on: January 25, 2016, 04:13:58 PM »
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/lifestyle/fun-stuff/wales-castles-even-more-beautiful-10533104
If you're into that kind of stuff. I like castles. Castles are cool. 682
The Flood / Marvel fan film: Torched (Maximum Cringe?)« on: January 25, 2016, 03:33:24 PM »
This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. I must share it with you good people.
YouTube 684
Gaming / Best rock/metal covers of videogame music?« on: January 25, 2016, 10:01:58 AM »
Got any good 'uns? I know there's loads out there, I love the Zelda ones.
This one from Dark Souls 2 is probably my favorite, though. The song is already good, and the metal version is just sexy. YouTube 685
The Flood / Do you enjoy music as much as these guys« on: January 25, 2016, 08:07:36 AM »Because I think they really do. 686
The Flood / Pictures that make you laugh every time you see them« on: January 24, 2016, 08:42:08 PM »
No matter how many times you've seen it, or how many times it's been reposted, are there any pics that just make you grin or laugh every time?
This one always cracks me up, LOOK AT ITS FACE 687
The Flood / I know everyone hates Attack of the Clones, but...« on: January 24, 2016, 08:19:55 PM »YouTube It's version of the Imperial March sounded better than the original, imo. 688
The Flood / There's been a new religious breakthrough« on: January 24, 2016, 07:58:06 PM »The devil was once an angle, it seems. 689
The Flood / How can I improve the quality of my posts to be a better user« on: January 24, 2016, 04:46:18 PM »Let me know so I can take notes and use them to better myself 690
The Flood / I met my hero today, today was a good day« on: January 23, 2016, 09:22:29 PM »
Amazing
Spoiler Did you have a good day? |