Hey.

So you from the old b.net or?

My gut reaction is to say over the Internet, but then I realized that most of the population can only read at about a fifth grade level. And they don't know how to tell sarcasm.

I only ever get in arguments with my parents, and I usually shut them down pretty well, except that they're so fucking stubborn. Everyone else is afraid to argue with me about anything, because I get scary when I'm heated, I guess.

It is pretty scary how retarded you are, I agree.

This is either a very subtle way of saying Muslims don't deserve rights or you just really love pork rinds.

THAT's how you come back to that. I waited a whole hour for that. Wow.
Blocked; you're a waste of time, and semen.

Man your life sucks. You waited an entire hour for a forum reply? How desperate for attention can you be?

Reimer's case is inadmissible to either side because of how Money fucked up in his childhood developed.

Denial is the first step towards acceptance.

Gender is not learned. You are either male or female.

Quote from: challengerX on September 22, 2014, 04:20:04 AM

Yeah I don't get it. Unless it's some sort of mental disease and changes the balance of chemicals and doesn't allow you to feel certain feelings or any at all, seems like a bunch of babies.

Because I've lived through a lot of shit, and I've never felt like that. I just don't understand it.

Then allow me to explain. I could tell you all about my first depression. But I won't. I'm going to tell you about this one, that sits with me, here and now. Some sensible part of me is still knocking around, and I'll do my best to explain things.

Fall is a bad month for me. The lighting, and the weather, the smell, and the way everything looks gets me down. Usually, I'm okay with this until winter rolls in. It's what I call an outside depression. It's environmental, not internal. But lately, I've had one bad thing after another happen. I appreciate life. And I try to remain optomistic. But sometimes, under everything, you struggle to. Challenger, I'm a few steps away from being in the financial shitter. I mean, a month or less and my house and work residence will be seized because debts are climbing faster than we can pay them, and popping up when more things go wrong.

And I'm trying my best. But it's not enough. I'm caught. But that isn't the point here. The point is, I'm going through what I went through several years ago. And despite how familiar I am with this, it's beating me.

Depression, from a logical standpoint, by all means should come from a chemical inbalance in your brain. It has to have a central, physical root. But it doesn't feel like that. It feels like, an outsider, inside of you. Always there, always watching, and always dissecting things, so that it can turn them around on you.

Did you know, that I'm aware that I'm depressed? I can see where I'm going, I can see what's coming, and despite me trying to change or prepare for things, I can't fight it. It's like beating your head against a wall. My emotions are going around me on strings, a vicious cycle now.

You say it seems like "a bunch of babies." I've gone through a horrible life. I've seen my fare share of bad things. And let me tell you, all that is irrelevent to me. You aren't sad over anything. You're sad, because you're sad. That's how it starts out. But as time goes on, you start to turn on yourself.

Right now, I'm angry. I'm angry that despite my best efforts, I can't change things. I'm angry that the only true way out will destroy me. And I'm angry at people. See, I've been through all this before. And right now, I'm trying to fight it. God am I trying. I'm actually reaching out to people, anybody that will listen. I'm so desperate, that despite my introverted nature, I'm reaching out to any that I can.

But it's a mistake. Because when they're not there, I get angry. I ask myself why even bother having all these fucking people around if none of them are even here for me? They don't talk to me, they don't reply to me. I'm just talking to a wall. So I start shutting people out instead.

And it goes around like this, with everything. Everything I do, goes out there, and comes back around at me.

I went for a walk a few nights ago. I almost climbed up the old radio tower that I used to, when I was in deepest. But I decided not to. So I sat, on the edge of my town, on the edge of the last lamp post, and looked out into the dark. I wanted to walk off into it. I just wanted to leave, and see how far I could make it. And now I realize how far I've fallen in a few short weeks.

I'd like to explain something to you, about what happens when you're in the deepest parts of depression. When you're so down, and everything is grey, lacking feeling and point, one thing exists. One last thing exists. Death.

At that point, death is a song. A call. But it's more than that. It's the only thing with colour. It's the last, great mystery. The wonder, and promise of what could potentially lie on the other side, something better, something beyond this grey world and a life of yours that's useless. And if it's not, you still win. You go to sleep, and you never wake up. It's inviting. It embraces you.

And this, left its mark on me. I'm fascinated by death. But I know I have to be extremely careful, because of how vulnerable I am right now.

My point to all this challenger, is that depression does not choose people. Anybody can fall into it. It doesn't matter your position in life, who and what you are, and who and what you've seen. When it arrives, and takes a hold of you and starts feeding off your vices and doubts and insecurities and rage, it doesn't matter if you've "seen some hard shit" or the hardest thing you did this morning was polish your nails. It doesn't matter. Becuase it will destroy you.

I want you to think about this. Right now, as I type this, there is a rational side to me. It's still here. I can smile, I can take joy from things. I even know that I'm depressed. I'm trying to fight this and I thought that I could because I've seen and been through all this before. And right now, right alongside me is that piece of darkness hovering right over my shoulder.

I want to delete this post because it sounds stupid. I'm sitting here, right now, and I know that I'm depressed. And there's nothing I can do. I can smile and laugh all I want, but by the end of the day, I'll have slipped further. Because when you're depressed, you just do. You fall despite everything. You fall, simply because.

And to be honest, I'm terrified. I can see what's coming every step of the way. And I'm fighting my hardest not to let things fall apart. But it's like trying to stand up and walk against an avalanche. I'm fighting to keep everything together and it falls apart, just because it can.

That's what depression is.

I didn't mean someone who's in a position like you. You have every reason to be depressed.

My point is, there's these kids that have a great life and are "depressed". I don't think they really are and they're probably doing it for attention.

And apart from this discussion, I've felt what you're feeling. I've been in that financial gutter. I had the same thing happen in my youth. Stick it out man. I'm still here, you're gonna be here too. It's just not even about optimism, because I know what that looks and sounds like when you're feeling like this. It's just the inevitability.

Quote from: challengerX on September 22, 2014, 04:29:08 AM

Republicans are not going to get elected guys. You would have to be total dumbshits to vote fascists in, and like to think the American public is smarter than that.

Unfortunately Hilary sucks too.

Republicans are fascists?
LOLOLOLOLOL

Most are. Pre Bush they weren't that bad.

Now? They're fascists. Or at least, they do the bidding of fascists. Tea Party is straight fascist.

Quote from: challengerX on September 22, 2014, 08:58:26 AM

Quote from: Kinder_ on September 22, 2014, 08:47:02 AM

Quote from: challengerX on September 22, 2014, 08:42:25 AM

Well I am a bit bi

You're either bi or you're not.

And don't question the word of God.

Take that ignorance to Africa

Yeah that doesn't exist. Take your special snowflake syndrome to the suburbs homeboy.

Quote from: challengerX on September 22, 2014, 08:35:15 AM

Quote from: Ossku on September 22, 2014, 08:33:19 AM

Never been part of a game night...

😏

I see a box 😏
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

You're not part of the iPhone master race?

Edgelord? What kind of autistic kid came up with that term. So...disagree then.

Stay sheltered kiddo.

Yes.

Real life I guess but I usually don't argue. If I disagree with you on something that's it. Either deal with it or put your dukes up if you're that offended.

Never liked it. Especially not for such a small community.

I think I change my mind. Unless it's a community dump, people shouldn't be able to know everything you threw away. It's just a matter of privacy. I mean I'm sure everyone here has thrown away things that they'd rather not be connected with, and definitely not by some stranger.

What?

If you have something legally incriminating, burn it. What the hell do you mean by privacy?

Quote from: Nuka on September 21, 2014, 04:18:11 PM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on September 21, 2014, 04:10:45 PM

But if this poll is confusing Gender with someone's sex, I voted 2 for that.

It's not.

Well.... Shit. I can't change my vote.

Don't worry you picked the right option anyway.