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Messages - Jocephalopod
Pages: 1 ... 103104105 106107 ... 279
3121
« on: August 22, 2015, 06:25:06 PM »
Spoiler END MY LIFE  Spoiler PLS  Spoiler THENK 
3122
« on: August 22, 2015, 06:14:35 PM »
3123
« on: August 22, 2015, 06:06:50 PM »
3124
« on: August 22, 2015, 06:02:39 PM »
Ted Cruz looks like a melting elephant
He reminds me of this guy.
I that from monster's inc?
3125
« on: August 22, 2015, 03:05:48 PM »
Your dog crumbles in comparison to the almighty 
3126
« on: August 22, 2015, 02:42:46 PM »
3127
« on: August 22, 2015, 02:29:32 PM »
3128
« on: August 22, 2015, 02:17:08 PM »
Hey guys, sppngebob isn't a kidz show It has ADULT THEMES
3129
« on: August 22, 2015, 02:07:56 PM »
I am become PLUMR destroyer of pipes
3130
« on: August 22, 2015, 02:03:49 PM »
3131
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:46:15 PM »
You people think I'm making this shit up
3132
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:41:59 PM »
Well, not too long ago I made a thread documenting my experience with getting bit by a homeless man, the help I got saved my life......
so last night I visited the city and was taking a late night stroll in central park so I didn't have to walk on the disgusting sidewalk to reach my destination. I had eaten a late lunch and decided to buy 2 sandwiches instead of my usual one in the event I got hungry during said stroll.
lo and behold as i unwrapped my sandwich about halfway thorough my walk I saw a homeless man in a large flannel jacket sitting against a tree. recounting all of the evil deeds I had done I decided to offer my uneaten sandwich to him, He obviously looked like he needed it. Now I'm a fit guy, (6 foot 12 around 320) pounds so I didn't really feel any notion of fear walking up to him in the middle of the night. As I got closer, I could dimly see his facial features. the most prominent of these being a giant ass mole on the left side of his face.
deciding not to judge him now, I extended my arm that had the sandwich in hand towards him and asked "want something to eat?" he seemed frightened at first, like he didn't know I was there until I spoke to him. his fear however was quickly morphed into an expression of insanity as he looked me in the eye and screamed "HOW ABOUT YOUR BLOOD BITCH". before I could react, he grabbed my still outstretched arm by the wrist, knocking the sandwich to the floor and bit deeply into my forearm, the pain was out of this world, it felt like I had been probed with an butt umbrella and someone decided to open the umbrella up while still in my anus.
there was blood all over the mans face, and to make matters worse, he pulled out a switchblade and slowly whispered the words "mossman bossman". my fight or flight reflex must of kicked in by then as I shoved him towards the tree he was sitting at and ran dafuq outta there. I quickly got a cab and decided not to see a doctor and just sleep it off.
its the morning after my initial encounter, and I have a huge mark on my arm. black veins are also growing around the bite, and it itches and burns like crazy.
what should I do?
Stop taking my life Im trying to find dis thread
3133
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:38:46 PM »
Ah man, I remember when I first inhaled. I was at a party and there was this off looking clown performing magic tricks, feeling daring I volunteered to be part of the classic "box cut in half trick"
I had to lie down on this cot like platform and the magician's assistants fastened belts on my hands and the bottom of my chin for what I assumed was for added realism. This is when things started to go south,
the magician pulled out a pocket knife and a cigaret and when I instinctively tried to get away, I realized that the belts effectively made me immobile. He kneeled down at my exposed throat and proceeds to sniff it profusely. He then took the blade and slit my throat just a little bit. Then, in one fluid motion he stuck the cigaret in my breached throat and lit it, creating a suffocating sensation throughout my body.
As the cigaret discharged what appeared to be blue smoke, the magician gently leaned into my ear and whispered "welcome to the liquid police" luckily he let me go after security arrived and I've had a phobia of magic ever since.
Never smoke
Holy fuck when did I write this lol?
circa may 2014
https://www.bungie.net/ga/Forum/Post/64879281/0/0/1
3134
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:36:54 PM »
Ah man, I remember when I first inhaled. I was at a party and there was this off looking clown performing magic tricks, feeling daring I volunteered to be part of the classic "box cut in half trick"
I had to lie down on this cot like platform and the magician's assistants fastened belts on my hands and the bottom of my chin for what I assumed was for added realism. This is when things started to go south,
the magician pulled out a pocket knife and a cigaret and when I instinctively tried to get away, I realized that the belts effectively made me immobile. He kneeled down at my exposed throat and proceeds to sniff it profusely. He then took the blade and slit my throat just a little bit. Then, in one fluid motion he stuck the cigaret in my breached throat and lit it, creating a suffocating sensation throughout my body.
As the cigaret discharged what appeared to be blue smoke, the magician gently leaned into my ear and whispered "welcome to the liquid police" luckily he let me go after security arrived and I've had a phobia of magic ever since.
Never smoke
Holy fuck when did I write this lol?
3135
« on: August 22, 2015, 01:34:14 PM »
Whenever I visit my uncle he often tells a story of how he purposely got hit by a truck in order to dodge fighting in the Vietnam war, while I wouldn't normally second guess what he tells me, after uncovering an honorable discharge certificate dated after the war ended as well as some sort of document stating he trained as a sniper along with other military memorabilia hidden in his room I'm having my doubts believing him.
My uncle has always been a bit weird, but the notion that he had been covering up his military experience really disturbed me. I took things a bit further and started asking memebers of my family about thier experiences with my uncle. My grandpa revealed the most startling results, claiming that my uncle has been stealing valuable shit from his house for years. Even as a young kid I remember him putting random items from my gramps house in his pockets and many of the odd memories of my uncle now seemed justified.
My grendpappy also mentioned that he had "run away from home" to become a mechanic's apprentice or something during the years of the war. From there I uncovered that he now works as a car salesman and noticed he has been driving a series of at least 20 different cars In the span of 1 year every time he visits my house.
Anyway, about a week ago I decided to surprise him at his work to try and clear the air around my suspicions in the most passive way possible, but when I went to the dealership and asked for his name, none of the employees knew who I was talking about. I've seen my uncle wearing the Fuckong company shirt thousands of times over the years.
I don't know if I've dug a bit too deep
Should I keep up this private investigation or just drop it and live in bliss?
3136
« on: August 22, 2015, 12:59:59 AM »
I've gotten lost in my own taint
3137
« on: August 21, 2015, 08:48:28 PM »
Ted Cruz looks like a melting elephant
3138
« on: August 21, 2015, 07:30:09 PM »
SPHEAL!
Learn your pokemon, you Canuck
This is spheal
i know. That looks like a Spheal to me. I thought it was just mixed with the an actual seal.
But it is closer to the pokemon Seal.
Seel*
That thing looks like it just got raped Hard.
3139
« on: August 21, 2015, 06:21:24 PM »
What in Odin's sweet Midgard is THAT shit?!
Nerve gas victim
fo shizzle?
At least, I think so. His FB doesn't specify. Either a nerve agent or a chemical related burn.
Ouch. Like a really huge ouch.
Yeah. And that cold, empty stare his mother has in their photos together. She says that he is their family's greatest gift, but that is a lie.
Honestly, if I was him, I'd probably kill myself. It's possible that he has Down's Syndrome, though. My suspicion has arisen primarily from this image, and how happy he seems.
I would bang her so hard
3140
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:37:48 PM »
Wikipedia.gov
3141
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:35:06 PM »
If I were mod this thread would be pinned
If I were a mod I would edit this thread into a milfpost
We should have a mom picture thread
3142
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:25:34 PM »
Oh shit my Chinese cartoons!
Sell them now
3143
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:23:43 PM »
If I were mod this thread would be pinned
3144
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:22:05 PM »
Call my cuisine to Beat His Ass
3145
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:19:01 PM »
Are we starting the takeover yet?
I died years ago
ARKY?
3146
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:14:38 PM »
Are we starting the takeover yet?
3147
« on: August 21, 2015, 05:07:58 PM »
I had stocks invested in my house family and food.
An now they're all gone
3148
« on: August 21, 2015, 04:23:13 PM »
Oh fick yore back
Yes. To find you. This is only the beginning. Soon you will see.
Wath?
3149
« on: August 21, 2015, 04:20:15 PM »
Oh fick yore back
3150
« on: August 21, 2015, 04:04:33 PM »
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