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Messages - Elai
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9991
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:22:22 AM »
Okay. Let's slow the train down here. For starters I don't know quite what we're talking about here. I need some context. I'm tired and my eyes are bleeding. I'm not gonna go through that many pages.
Can you give me a quick summary?
I'm no specialist, but hey. Let's give it a shot. Discussion always lands somewhere.
Ill do my best but im on mobile. It's been a long time since I've been loved. I've been in varying degrees of romantic periods individually but I haven't had my love reciprocated in a very long time, and this just dawned on me. I want someone to love, who also loves me, so that I have a reason to get up in the morning (see, a purpose). That purpose being, to provide for them. That obligation will force me to get my life together. I also said I hate myself and want someone who loves me to tell me why they do. Additionally, though i havent said it yet, i believe that the human experience is not genuine if you arent depressed. I believe depression is unfiltered reality, and that getting over it is fine and all but its fleeting. The Human condition is defined by suffering.
9992
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:17:07 AM »
become enamoured in facets of that person which you do not understand instead of focusing on things you have in common.
You'll find the joy of discovering a person is more powerful than cold comfort gleaned by being in synchronicity with another.
Thats all well n good but you need to connect with someome on some level to be even just friends with em
Its also pretty clear to me that the opposite attract theory of tomance is dogshit
Additionally, thanks for being somewhat serious. Though, i think youre being a bit childish when you call me unintelligent just cuz we disagree.
If you find contentment in what you have in common with others, then you are not a creature of ambition, and it is not high intelligence, but arrogance which prevents you from connecting with others.
If that is the case, then humble yourself before others, that they may better convey themselves to you.
I never said it was high intelligence that doesnt allow me to connecy with others Theres a ton of different reasons i dont connect with oeople Arrogance may be one of them, sure But its not the maon reason Anyways im not really interested in discussing this with you
9993
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:14:59 AM »
See. Bingo. You're quick to judge and extremely quick on the defense. I did neither of those things but okay For starters, I never said it was your parent's fault. And I never said you did. I said the SHRINK did. I won't lie. The field is plauged with shitty docs. If you're an american then chances are you're gonna get a bad roll because your medical system is literally pants on head retarded that way. But don't discredit right away. It takes time.
Im canadian. I discredited it after months of experience, not one go.
9994
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:11:31 AM »
It's actually not that far of base.
A ton of problems with people have to do with their parents or stuff that happened to them when they were young. and a lot of times it's something with your family.
You really have to keep an open mind...
Except the psychologist jumped to that conclusion from the first thing said. Like, made a conclusion based on an opening sentence.
Well yeah that's on them but the thing is what do you do after that?
Do you get offended and never see a psych. again? Or do you continue on and say "I don't think that's the reason. Here's why."
You insult me tristan I didnt make a rash decision after one meeting. I met with them for months. And nothing came out of it.
9995
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:10:15 AM »
I mean obviously id like to find the robin williams from good will hunting of psychologists but until that point
Ehh
Care to deconstruct the logic on that one? Your're not willing to bother with psyches anymore but you're hoping on finding a good one.
Because im sure a good one probably could help me oeganise my thoughts (at most) out but none of them are up for the task. Like charley said. They all say variations of the same shit. Is there somrthing that a shrink will say thatll make me NOT think life is meaningless? That god exists? That life is worth passing on? No.
9996
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:07:37 AM »
Telling him to get help is counterproductive. What could a shrink tell him? Let his guard down? Some other pie in the sky bullshit? I've been to more than a few. They all read the same textbooks and give minor variations on the same shit. At the end of the day it comes down to Eli. Their advice boils down to telling a homeless person to get a job as a stockbroker buy a mansion.
What he needs is to just find someone who's there tomorrow. Not necessarily next week. Just tomorrow. Relearn self worth. If she's good enough for longer, great. If not, then oh well. She'll get someone tomorrow and so will he.
We're all broken. The game is just making tomorrow livable.
YEAH woo
9997
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:06:51 AM »
"im different"
no, you're not
you're not some special little snowflake that no one can truly understand
that's nothing but a teenage mentality
I disagree. You don't live my life. I do. ive felt this way as long as i can remember so it has nothing to do with age.
9998
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:05:04 AM »
It's actually not that far of base.
A ton of problems with people have to do with their parents or stuff that happened to them when they were young. and a lot of times it's something with your family.
You really have to keep an open mind...
My problems have nothing to do with my parents. I know this sounds like im making excuses but you gotta believe me on this. Its not their fault I am the way I am. I wouldve rathered they actually raised me instead of me doing it by myself.
9999
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:02:43 AM »
Or maybe not. Maybe they were telling you the truth.
"Why did you want to come see a psychologist after all this time?"
"I really want to figure out what's wrong with me on a fundamental level so that I can do well in school, set up a bright future for myself and increase my level of communication and friendliness with my friends, peers and family. I don't want to waste my parents time or money."
"Oh, so this is all about your parents, is it?"
One thing however, is that with docs, you need to voice your point very clearly.
Well thats one of my problems yeah. I feel like im talking some basic shit but people dont understand what im saying. Its infuriating.
What you just posted up there is a really poor example. Dude, the first place you look is the parents. Then you look at the childhood.
Parents, whether they're there or not, give, fuck.... 90% of your traits to you.
Well im actually very different from my parents. Like, so much so that they used to joke that i was adopted. But besides that, how do you get "its your parents fault" from what i said Thats LITERALLY how it went down
10000
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:01:14 AM »
I mean obviously id like to find the robin williams from good will hunting of psychologists but until that point
Ehh
10001
« on: January 26, 2016, 01:00:34 AM »
Exactly.
10002
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:58:59 AM »
I started masturbating when I was 3 years old.
Dude wtf lmao
10003
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:58:15 AM »
Or maybe not. Maybe they were telling you the truth. "Why did you want to come see a psychologist after all this time?" "I really want to figure out what's wrong with me on a fundamental level so that I can do well in school, set up a bright future for myself and increase my level of communication and friendliness with my friends, peers and family. I don't want to waste my parents time or money." "Oh, so this is all about your parents, is it?" One thing however, is that with docs, you need to voice your point very clearly.
Well thats one of my problems yeah. I feel like im talking some basic shit but people dont understand what im saying. Its infuriating.
10004
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:53:21 AM »
become enamoured in facets of that person which you do not understand instead of focusing on things you have in common.
You'll find the joy of discovering a person is more powerful than cold comfort gleaned by being in synchronicity with another.
Thats all well n good but you need to connect with someome on some level to be even just friends with em Its also pretty clear to me that the opposite attract theory of tomance is dogshit Additionally, thanks for being somewhat serious. Though, i think youre being a bit childish when you call me unintelligent just cuz we disagree.
10005
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:50:05 AM »
I should really spend some time writing a long paper about my issues in a way that conveys them accurately enough for people to understamd what i mean when i say "im different"
That might make things a bit easier
10006
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:47:21 AM »
Ive been to psychs before
Theyre a waste of my time and money
They're not. You've either been to bad ones or haven't bought into what they're saying and asking you.
Well i can tell you that i did give an honesy effort buying into that stuff I just felt like my problems were being exasberated by putting them on spotlight. For example, i would say something that made perfect sense to me amd meant one thing, and the psych would misconstrue (through no fault of her own) that i meant something else entirely Its just not worth the money or the time
10007
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:45:42 AM »
Eli. Move on to someone else. Find someone who does reciprocate. Trust me on this. Do not stay in this hell. I was there for a long, long time. If you don't have someone, find them. Even if they're just around a little bit.
Im not stuck on one person tho
I just want to be in love, with someone who loves me. And i dont have that
Before finding that significant person, establish a strong foundation of friends. Just waiting til that one person comes along will drive you mad.
Everyone i know goes away in the end
10008
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:45:13 AM »
Eli. Move on to someone else. Find someone who does reciprocate. Trust me on this. Do not stay in this hell. I was there for a long, long time. If you don't have someone, find them. Even if they're just around a little bit.
Im not stuck on one person tho
I just want to be in love, with someone who loves me. And i dont have that
I know exactly what you mean.
My advice remains the same. Find Mrs Right now, instead of holding out for Mrs Right. Even if it lasts a day, you restore your feeling of self worth. When you get that back, you can hold out or on a bit longer.
Thanks man Youre alright, you know that
10009
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:43:41 AM »
Ive been to psychs before
Theyre a waste of my time and money
10010
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:42:02 AM »
Eli. Move on to someone else. Find someone who does reciprocate. Trust me on this. Do not stay in this hell. I was there for a long, long time. If you don't have someone, find them. Even if they're just around a little bit.
Im not stuck on one person tho I just want to be in love, with someone who loves me. And i dont have that
10011
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:40:39 AM »
It's only impossible because you're telling yourself it is.
I hate my sense of humour, my habitual tendencies, the way i speak, my inability to connect with people, my physique, my voice, my awkward level of intelligence... none of which I can change.
Is "incredibly low" synonymous with awkward?
Fuck off
10012
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:39:59 AM »
It's only impossible because you're telling yourself it is.
I hate my sense of humour, my habitual tendencies, the way i speak, my inability to connect with people, my physique, my voice, my awkward level of intelligence... none of which I can change.
What are your reasons for hating those things?
Example: "I hate my voice because it's too high"
Humour: because it's esoteric and often childish or unintelligent
Habits: i clench my jaw a lot. Grind my teeth too. It gives me head aches.
The way I speak: it's often hard to follow my train of thought for some reason, even though to me it feels like im just saying the most basic things ever. Makes it hard for people to empathise or sympathise with me (you can see it in this thread, even)
My physique: i just dont like it, idk
My voice: i just find my own voice annoying.
Intelligence: im at this weird level where i'm smarter than most people i talk to but not smart enough to play ball with the people who are "speaking my language", if that makes any sense
This is going to sound cliche as fuck but all of those things are what make you special, and you can improve them too. I have a ton of resources I can lead you to that I've collected over the years that will definitely improve your self image dude.
It sounds cheesy but I believe self-improvement will help you so much. I truly believe my deep involvement in self improvement material from ages 14-now set the base for my impenetrable wall of self confidence. Completely serious not trying to flex, I love myself so much and I'm surprised at how a lot of people I talk to don't feel the same way about themselves. If you want me to go through the effort I'll link some stuff bro but only if you'll actually look into it.
I appreciate the concern man but if im being honest i probably wouldnt look at the stuff youd send me Im just coming from too different a place than almost anyone here including you for it to be of any use.
10013
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:37:18 AM »
I'm being completely serious here.
Find a good therapist and talk to them about this kind of stuff. I've been to many, I just don't find them to be of any use. Most of the time I feel like I'm wasting my time because these people don't know what they're doing. Humor is subjective Well I mean, yeah, but what's that got to do with anything. Habits can be changed I know but I'm more angry at the fact that I do them naturally. Manner of speech is probably just a nuance you're obsessing over It admittedly has gotten a lot better. Socialization skills can be improved It's not that im unable to socialize (cuz i can be charming when i want to), its just that i have trouble connecting with other people and vice versa becauze the angle at which i look at life is so different from them that its almost alien. Physique can be improved Not really. Muscle tone isnt really what im talking about. [quote₩You're depressed, and it's made yourself your own worst critic and enemy. [/quote] I thought about all of this before i became depressed tho
10014
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:32:08 AM »
You could probably practice public speaking to help you speak more in a way you like. Just gotta get your confidence up fam. A lot of relationships never got off the ground because both people were too shy to make a move despite liking the other.
I definitely definitely definitely dont lack confidence. Its not that. Im also not particularly shy either. Im one of those guys thatll just be straight up when i like someone and start making moves immediately (unless there's something in the way, like, a boyfriend. Then i dont do anything but casual talk every once in awhile)
10015
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:30:00 AM »
It's only impossible because you're telling yourself it is.
I hate my sense of humour
, my habitual tendencies,
the way i speak,
my inability to connect with people,
my physique
, my voice,
my awkward level of intelligence... none of which I can change.
Can be changed
Elaborate
Elaborate
That takes work... sort of
Why?
Why?
A gift tbh. I know it's weird but you have to find some kind of meaning and use it for good.
See my response to jive
10016
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:29:04 AM »
It's only impossible because you're telling yourself it is.
I hate my sense of humour, my habitual tendencies, the way i speak, my inability to connect with people, my physique, my voice, my awkward level of intelligence... none of which I can change.
What are your reasons for hating those things?
Example: "I hate my voice because it's too high"
Humour: because it's esoteric and often childish or unintelligent Habits: i clench my jaw a lot. Grind my teeth too. It gives me head aches. The way I speak: it's often hard to follow my train of thought for some reason, even though to me it feels like im just saying the most basic things ever. Makes it hard for people to empathise or sympathise with me (you can see it in this thread, even) My physique: i just dont like it, idk My voice: i just find my own voice annoying. Intelligence: im at this weird level where i'm smarter than most people i talk to but not smart enough to play ball with the people who are "speaking my language", if that makes any sense
10017
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:24:46 AM »
It will eventually ruin your relationship and leave you worse off, especially if you depend of her so much for your happiness. It's not that I depend on her for happiness, it's that I depend on her for purpose. That purpose being, that I have an obligation to take care of her and our family, incentivising me to pull my life together and get shit done. You will be an absolute wreck. Don't be like Roman and deny anything you don't want to hear brah
I'm not denying anything. In most cases, you're probably right. But I am not most cases and neither are the women I happen to fall in love with. Not all women work the same, just like you and I don't work the same. I think it's a bit unfair of you to paint all women the way you are (if thats what youre doing).
10018
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:21:14 AM »
It's only impossible because you're telling yourself it is. I hate my sense of humour, my habitual tendencies, the way i speak, my inability to connect with people, my physique, my voice, my awkward level of intelligence... none of which I can change.
10019
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:18:03 AM »
Some people laughed at the beginning of this thread but i know deep down some of you guys get where im coming from
(Looking at you jim.)
10020
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:16:55 AM »
You're better off without it man. Learn to love yourself first, and love with another will be more fulfilling.
Its impossible to love myself. I hate myself. And so do most people.
Which is kinda the problem. Maybe if someone ever does love me again they can tell me how.
That should be like your character arc.
What do you mean
Like at the end you get to love yourself because you find someone super special.
Can you write my life story pls
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