It's 8fuckingam and MY FUCKING NEIGHBOURS MAKE SO MUCH GODDAMN CUNTING NOISE.

The kids, who are between 8-12 are always fucking crying and screaming, and the mother is always shouting back at them - always this time in the morning - and IT'S DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE. Jesus cunting Christ what do I do?

It's non-stop noise and arguing and shouting from two poor daughters driven to distraction by their patently shit mother. I don't want to hear any bollocks about single-parenting or devil children, this is fucking lunacy and she is a bad parent.

What do I do? It happens in the evening as well as the early morning, and it makes me want to turn to homicidal mania.

Let's say a water main breaks in downtown Los Angeles and it floods an electrical substation, knocking out all the traffic lights and tying up the entire city and emergency vehicles can't get through. And at the same time, one of those month-long global warming heatwaves comes along but there's no air conditioning, there's no water for sanitation, so cholera, smallpox and dysentery break out and thousands of people start dying in the streets. But before they die parasites eat their brains and they go completely fucking crazy and they storm the hospital, but the hospital can't handle all the casualties so these people rape all the nurses and set the hospital on fire.

And the flames drive them even crazier so they start stabbing social workers and garbage-men, and a big wind comes along and the entire city goes up in flames and the people who are still healthy - they get mad at the sick people and they start crucifying them, nailing them to crosses, trying on their underwear, shit like that. Then everybody smokes crack and PCP and they march on city hall where they burn the mayor at the stake, strangle his wife and take turns sodomising the statue of Larry Flynt.

And at this point, at this point it looks like pretty soon things are gonna start to get out of control. So everybody panics and tries to leave the city at the same time, and they trample each other to death in the streets by the thousands and wild dogs eat their corpses, and the wild dogs chase the rest of the people down the highway. One by the one the dogs pick off the old fucks and the slow people because they're in the fast lane where they don't belong; get the fuck out of the fast lane if you're an old fuck or if you're a slow fuck, get over on the right. And then the lucky ones, the people who manage to make it all the way out of town, they discover when they get there that big sparks from the city have lit the suburbs on fire, and the suburbs burn uncontrollably, and thousands of identical homes have identical fires with identical smoke. Killing all the identical soccer moms and their identical kids named Jason and Jennifer.

And now the fire spreads to the farmlands, and the farmlands burn intensely at 425 degrees creating millions of baked potatoes. As the farmlands burn, thousands of barns and farmhouses begin to explode from all the hidden methamphetamine labs. And the meth chemicals run downhill into the rivers and streams where wild animals drink the water and get completely geeked on speed. So bears and wolves amped up on crank start roaming the countryside looking for people to eat, even though they're not really hungry.

And the fires spread to the forest and the forest burn furiously and hundreds of elves and trolls and fairies come running out of the woods screaming, "Bambi's dead! Bambi's dead!" And he is, he is, finally that fucking little cunt Bambi is dead. Dead! Now hundreds of regional fires come together into one huge interstate inferno and all twelve of the western United States are burning out of control, except Utah where the Mormons don't allow fires. And the fire spreads across the Great Plains, roasting the wheat, cooking the cattle and producing. . . hamburgers, actually.

Then it leaps to Mississippi and races through the South, blowing up stills, interrupting lynchings and killing millions of inbred people. And then it turns northeast and it heads for Washington D.C. where George Bush can't decide if it's an emergency or not. He doesn't know. It's hard work. He can't decide because Dick Cheney is in prison, so instead he takes a nap; he puts him empty, fucking brainless head down on the little pillow his mother gave him at Christmastime, and he takes a fucking nap. So the fire moves to Philadelphia, but it's a weekend and Philadelphia's closed on the weekend. So the fire moves to New York City and the people in New York tell the fire to go fuck itself, and it does.

So instead it burns down Long Island and Connecticut, killing all the rich white assholes and completely destroying their evil, faggoty golf courses. And while all this is going on, Canada burns to the ground but nobody notices. And now the entire North American continent is on fire, producing a huge thermal updraft and creating an incendiary cyclonic macro-system that forms a hemispheric megastorm, breaking down the molecular structure of the atmosphere and actually changing the laws of nature. Fire and water combine, burning clouds of flaming rain fall upward, gamma rays and solar winds ignite the ionosphere creating huge clouds of ionised plasma, bolts of lightening twenty-million miles long begin shooting out of the North Pole and the sky fills up with green shit!

And then suddenly, the entire fabric of space-time splits in two; a huge crack in the Universe opens and all the dead people from the past begin falling through - Babe Ruth, Groucho Marx, Davy Crockett, Tiny Tim, Porky Pig, Hitler, Janis Joplin, Alan Ludden, my Uncle Dave, your Uncle Dave, everybody's Uncle Dave; an endless stream of dead Uncle Daves falling through the crack. And all the dead Uncle Daves gather around the heavenly kitchen table, they light up cigarettes and they begin to talk; they talk about how they never got a break, how their parents didn't love them and their children were ungrateful, they talk about how the government screwed them out of money and how they just missed out on a big job. They say the Jews own everything and the Blacks get special treatment, and all the hatred and bitterness drips out of these people and forms a big pool of liquid hate.

And the pool of liquid hate begins to spin, round and round it spins, faster and faster, and the faster it spins the bigger it gets. Faster and faster, bigger and bigger, until the whirling pool of hate is bigger than the entire Universe and suddenly it explodes into trillions of tiny stars. And every star has a trillion planets, and every planet has a trillion Uncle Daves. And all the Uncle Daves have good jobs, perfect eyesight and shoes that fit. They have great sex lives and free healthcare, they understand the Internet, their kids thing they're cool and they all love their neighbours.

And every week, without fail, Uncle Dave wins the lottery. Forever and ever, until the end of time and every single Uncle Dave has a winning ticket. And Uncle Dave is finally happy; now do you see why I like it when nature gets even with humans?

So, basically, last night at a party a painting was ruined when somebody spilled something over it. There are three possible culprits, with me being the least likely one to be responsible.

My friend, however, keeps asking me what I'm going to do about it because her parents get back on Saturday. So, what do I do? I'm fairly certain I'm not responsible for it, so I don't see why I should take any of the ramifications. Not to mention, she held the party without her parents permission in the first place.

1 - Seeing the first internal combustion automobile. Young'ins today will never live in a world where they didn't exist.

2 - Newsboys striking for fair wages laws. Kids today are nancies, not having to fight for their living.

3 - Living without electricity. We did just fine readin' by candlelight and using old-fashioned fire for all our necessities.

4 - Having your father die in the Gold Rush. Kids today have their fathers go halfway around the World today, ours did it just fine here.

5 - Only spoiled 1910s brats play with Lincoln Logs, we had to make do with a hoop-and-stick.

6 - Living in a Union of just forty-four states. Now there's forty-eight.

7 - Remembering William McKinley as President. This yellow-belly Harding will probably be around for a while once you 1910s kids start votin'.

8 - Remembering when the womenfolk, rightfully, weren't allowed to vote.

9 - Havin' to use photograph cylinders.

Last night, while at a party, I used one of my friends phones to prank call two people (so they wouldn't recognise the number). The first person I rang happens to be dating a French guy in Bordeaux, so I rang up pretending to be an Interpol agent to tell her that he was caught trying to smuggle heroin.

I called the second person, and told them that their IP address was being monitored and that we found evidence of child porn on his system, and that a criminal case has been opened against him and he would be brought in for questioning soon.

Somebody at the party spilled the beans and told them both it was me, and they are pissed. Turns out the impersonation of a police officer is actually quite a serious crime.

shoot

it wud b so much eesier

Who do you think is an idiot.

My philosophies, unless political, don't usually come up in conversation with anybody.

So, I guess a change of pace would be interesting for me. I am a nihilist, so ask me anything relating to that I guess.

A quick definition for the uninformed:

Nihilism (/?na?.?l?z?m/ or /?ni?.?l?z?m/; from the Latin nihil, nothing) is a philosophical doctrine that suggests the negation of one or more reputedly meaningful aspects of life. Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism, which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.[1] Moral nihilists assert that morality does not inherently exist, and that any established moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism can also take epistemological or ontological/metaphysical forms, meaning respectively that, in some aspect, knowledge is not possible, or that reality does not actually exist.

Bad forms of taxation:
- Corporation tax
- Inheritance tax
- Transfer or Transaction tax
- Wealth tax
- Excise tax
- Tariffs

Okay forms of taxation:
- Income tax
- Capital gains
- Property tax

Pretty boss forms of taxation:
- Negative income tax
- Land value tax
- Consumption tax

Just food for thought, really. A lot of the discussion regarding taxation doesn't seem to take into account that some forms of taxation are vastly superior to others. The solution? Do away with the bad ones.

What the fuck, MPS?

The engineering student?

Fucking Christ he was a barrel of laughs.