I pulled into the garage after a long day at work. The boss had me working hard but I persevered through it and got a lot done today. Now that I was home I was ready to enjoy a night with my beautiful waifu, Naoto.
As I entered the main foyer I noticed a note and blindfold on the table. I, as any sly man would, understood that this was going to be a night to be remembered. I approached the table and read the note.
"Hey honey, since you've been so stressed out lately I decided to plan a night of relaxation for you. Please go to the living room and put on the blindfold."
As any good husbando would I did as the note asked. Grabbing the blindfold I headed to the living room, sat down on the couch and started tying the blindfold. Once I was finished I head the sound of someone approaching behind me.
"Hi sweetie." She put an arm on my shoulder. "Are you ready for a fun night?" "I'm getting more excited by the minute." I said. Getting excited I reached to adjust my blindfold when- SMACK
"Unh uh honey, we're just getting started. Stay here like a good boy while I get dinner ready. I'm going to be feeding you well tonight." She said with a mischievous voice as she went into the kitchen.
I was a little uncomfortable with the situation at this point. "Did she just smack me with a riding crop? And that feeding me well thing sounds creepy as shit." I asked myself. I enjoy being a little kinky but this was sliding into some fifty shades of grey shit fast. I'm not into fifty shades of gray shit. After about ten minutes of deliberation I decided to talk with the waifu before we started doing anything.
I took off the blindfold, got off my couch and headed for the kitchen. What I saw there would scar me for the rest of my life. A huge, fucking yellow ass snake was in the kitchen, putting something in the microwave. She heard me approaching, turned around and said, "Aww, honey, I wanted to surprise you... but I guess we'll need to start having fun right now!"
I noped the fuck out of there. At this point there were three things going through my head. One, "What the fuck?", two, "What did that thing do to Naoto?", and three, "Shit, now I need to travel around the house, open each safe with a piece of my handgun in it, because I'm a good gun owner, assemble my handgun, load the magazine, and kill this fucking thing." I decided that the third though was the one that was the most important.
And so I began my adventure avoiding a dangerous, slow moving enemy while I run around my house opening safes with randomly generated puzzles and riddles. Luckily I've spent years playing the good Resident Evil games, so I could have done this in my sleep.
After getting my handgun ready it was time to end this monstrosity. I entered the kitchen where it was waiting for me. "Alright you kinky snake, I'm here to end you!" I said, trying my best to sound like a cheesy protagonist. Ready for anything I shot the snake twice in the body. I quickly learned that body shots on a snake don't do much as the giant phallus lunged at me. It bit my left hand causing me to lose my grip on the handgun.
As the snake began to wrap itself around me, slowly suffocating me, I began to wonder, "Is this how the mighty Waifu Master dies?" But then I realized, I was the main protagonist of this story, I still had one trick up my sleeve. I activated my plot armor causing the snake to explode onto the walls leaving them covered in guts and gore.
While I was picking myself up from the floor Naoto came out of nowhere and hugged me, and told me how brave and cool I was for killing the snake. As she pulled away from a kiss she gave me a mischievous grin and I knew I was in for a good night with the waifu.
Pic of snake I managed to snap before running away:
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