Canceled on this one bitch today cause honestly I wasn't feeling like doing anything.

I notice with one particular girl (main gorgeous chick) I get a little more upset than I normally would if I think it's not going to work out. I think this is because I'm very afraid that if I fail with this girl, I'm going to be left alone to fall in the void of loneliness that I felt when I initially broke up with my ex.

This is not fair to any new girls I meet nor to myself.

Quote from: BC on May 05, 2017, 12:12:39 AM

Y'all boys getting salty as fuck

You want salty, I'll give you salty.

I think you have some more imaginary cancer kids waiting to drive around in your imaginary Ferrari.

Lmao his cars are real yo. I've been sent tons of proof over the years.

I FUCKED up but not too bad I'll be sweet

Was feeling mentally really good, so I decided to start taking this oral steroid that makes me extremely hard/vascular/strong. Well within a day I'm getting mad anxiety and overthinking about the breakup which happened last time. Dumped the rest down the toilet can't wait till this shit clears out in 2-3 days

Missing her a little more tonight. Found myself thinking about her fondly when I got a little annoyed at something one of these new girls did. Gonna be a melancholy night

A few months back I accidentally smashed my big toe with a hunnid pound dumbbell. Since then the toenail has turned basically black and looks very unsightly. I doubt this will go away by summer and I want to go to the beach and pools and stuff.

What do I do?

While I'm not actually fully over it and still get sad(I've had a lot of distractions)

I actually haven't gone back to read my previous posts yet. I'm so much better than I was 2 weeks ago, but I want the change in my mindset to be dramatic. I used all of my power to get over this as quick as I did and I guarantee that if I didn't exhaust my resources with videos/books/friends/driving for hours at 2 am to nowhere I would still be a wreck.

We outchea

I'm in an interesting place right now. I'm going through some dramatic changes and I like it. Huge consciousness shift. I've always been very fond of self improvement, meditation, the therapeutic effects of Buddhism and the like etc. But after this breakup(and actually a little before) I've been devouring material on it like never before. In a weird way, it's almost like throughout the day I'm getting small epiphanies and glimpses into entirely new ways of thinking. They don't last long but they're very strong. I wish I was smart enough to explain what I mean. I've also become extremely Present and can often catch myself drifting away in thought so I can snap back to the present moment quickly, way more often than before.

A friend of mine has noticed this change in me and has asked me to help him "stabilize his mind". I have no idea where to start though. IDK how to help but I'm going try. I  don't think he'll  understand a lot of my insights yet because he needs the prior material for it to click like it's starting to with me.

If you fail, which I hope you do, view it as a shedding of your old self. And allow your new self to get some assistance, people really do care, otherwise they wouldn't even put any effort into telling you not to do it.

Since Class admitted his lies I wanna admit mine too

I'm not actually a 6'2" muscular confident but sensitive lad who gets a ton of girls. I've been stealing those pictures from a guy on a bodybuilding forum and made all the stories up. Thanks for understsanding

At the gym. Feeling horrible and sad. Wanna go home and write

They're all just toys to me

The initial horrible wanting to die heartbreak feeling has passed. Right now I'm in a weird place where one minute I'll feel great and hopeful and the next I overthink and get sad. It's like a lingering feeling, and I'm worried that it'll never go away. Bleeeeehhhhhhhhhh

Quote from: Jive Turkey on April 28, 2017, 03:50:22 AM

I checked it(shitty on my part, idc it may have saved my life) and see that she had been texting this dude from MONTHS ago that we had a huge problem with, she basically assured me nothing was going on and that blah blah. Well in these texts her and him had set up dates for Saturday/sat night and Sunday, she was most likely lying to me from LONG before about this guy. Setting dates while trying to get back together with me

Are you saying she HAD been setting dates up while she was trying to get back with you, or did you SUSPECT that she was?

Im pretty drunk but bare with me:

Months ago, we went to the gym together(her first time at that gym) in her Hometown while she was on vacation from school (I visited) and there was this guy there that she took interest in(I'm very well versed in picking up when a girl is into a dude). He's 5 years older than me, wealthy with his own clothing brand, and better looking than me(though I have a better body). Over those weeks I became very insecure about this and honestly fucked up a lot. Turns out she lied to me and actually got his number/Snapchat/instagram and shit. This was MONTHS ago and I always had trust issues and hate for this guy

Well recently I saw they had added each other back on snap. I ignored it because honestly acting insecure was going to make it worse. Well i never knew how much they talked, but literally 2-3 days after we broke up (a week ago Thursday) she is messaging this guy like thirsty as fuck trying for a rebound. The last week after I contacted her, she seemed to be trying to get back with me. But that night (Thursday this last week like the 26th) I checked her phone and saw they set up dates for the beach this Saturday that just happened, and she said she wanted to see him Saturday night, and Sunday at her house party day rage.

In all seriousness, I have no right to be mad. We were broken up, she has the right to fuck anyone she wants. I can't help being mad though, especially seeing as she basically had this guy lined up for after a breakup. Makes me rage (it's called monkey branching girls do it a lot).

Also, deep down I know she is HORRIBLE for me. If you look at my past posts since likebaugust she has caused me nothing but drama and extreme stress beyond what I've ever experienced in my entire fucking life. This bitch legit hid an abortion from me a few months ago. I am a huge fool for staying with her. I just opened up to her in a way innever have to anyone, so I feel so emotionally attached. She is honestly a very kind and loving person, but she has a lot of mental issues that destroyed me mentally as well as I became involved with her

Yesterday went good. I felt FREE in a way. I think anger/motivation was a big driving factor in feeling better.

Today is different. Woke up feeling kinda sad/irritated/anxious. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I know the very now that I'm typing this, she's at a beach with this guy that I've hated for months. All in a rebound effort to get over me and her ex.

 It also bothers me a lot that tomorrow(or tonight as well, but tomorrow for sure for a day party) she's going to bring him into her house, the place that was my second home and where I basically lived at for months, shared so many memories with in the kitchen, living room, her room, bathroom etc. Everywhere. And some new guy is going to be there and walk where I walked and slept where I slept.

Upsets me the more that I think about it. But I'm just hurt and being irrational. I need to practice forgiveness, because if I hold on to this hate/anger towards her and him I'll never get over it. I have some sick satisfaction in my head knowing that when she's with the new guy, he's just a distraction, and that when the distraction goes home she's going to be very sad and alone. I hate that I feel joy in that thought but I can't help it. All I really want is for her to be happy, and even just acknowledging that makes me feel a little better about the entire situation.

I fucked up. I met her yesterday to try and just be friends. We had sex multiple times and cuddled for hours, all of my feelings came back. But soon after a small dispute I realized we couldn't ever do that. Honestly, I was purposely ignorant and went ahead anyways knowing it was going to end bad. I gave into my temptation on purpose and I'm paying the price now. Ending it this time hurts even more than before. And I'm basically starting over and lost all my progress.

On top of that in an unrelated event, I lost my best friend. The dispute isn't resolvable, he doesn't want to no matter how much I want to. He's one of the only people I know who would truly have taken a bullet to the head for me and I fucked it up.

 This is the hardest time of my life. I will grow so strong from this.