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Messages - Jive Turkey
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421
« on: June 30, 2017, 03:23:14 AM »
Gross
hey man
please stop wasting air with your existence
It's crazy how I can be completely misogynistic 2 girls and they STILL want me. Smh so easy 2 influence
things that never happened
Women enjoy being treated like trash by attractive men
422
« on: June 30, 2017, 03:19:58 AM »
Gross
hey man
please stop wasting air with your existence
It's crazy how I can be completely misogynistic 2 girls and they STILL want me. Smh so easy 2 influence
423
« on: June 30, 2017, 03:05:04 AM »
Gross
424
« on: June 29, 2017, 06:51:46 PM »
how are you any different than you were before?
A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core
Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting.
The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it.
Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now
If you abuse the wrong substances you can experience permanent dissociation from reality and it can happen in bursts as you're experiencing now. I'd recommend seeking help immediately.
What's the name of the specific steroid you used?
Its a derivative from the steroid equipose which can be known to cause anxiety in some. It's a shame I dropped it all because I was starting to look like a Greek god. I was getting bigger and leaner daily smh. Strength shot up and my muscles were diamond hard. I literally never looked that good in my life I don't think it was just the roid. I think it was the combo of the extreme anxiety it gave me, plus the situation I got in that day which is when I discovered my ex was trying to get at my friends, all of it together was like the perfect recipe for an intense panic attack
425
« on: June 29, 2017, 06:48:05 PM »
On the contrary whenever I have those kind of experiences meditation is the thing that allows me to feel refreshed and normal again.
oh yeah another interesting thing is that since then my meditation can get pretty deep, like another layer of meditation/awareness
426
« on: June 29, 2017, 06:47:27 PM »
One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are
For how long has this happened since the experience?
The experience happened like 2 weeks ago Thursday, and since then I've experienced the euphoria maybe 3 times. Once when I was driving and saw the clouds, once when I was reading at a park, and the most intense last night at 3am in the car sitting talking with a girl. She was getting really deep about her life and it just overcame me like a wave, lasted maybe a good minute or so. Afterwards I nearly cried from happiness and I just started laughing for no reason. Top 5 best moments of my life tbh
427
« on: June 29, 2017, 05:05:16 PM »
One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are
428
« on: June 29, 2017, 05:03:33 PM »
how are you any different than you were before?
A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting. The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it. Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now
429
« on: June 28, 2017, 06:59:19 PM »
I want to go back to how I was before. I hate all this shit. Meditation spirituality enlightenment I hate it all.
430
« on: June 28, 2017, 05:41:42 PM »
You will never achieve your dream of her letting you take her doggy style. It will not happen
431
« on: June 28, 2017, 05:37:31 PM »
Top 5 humans alive right now. 
432
« on: June 28, 2017, 05:33:30 PM »
You could say that strangers have such a limited view of you that they couldn't possibly understand any of your motives etc so their opinion should not matter to you enough to make you care
433
« on: June 28, 2017, 05:31:24 PM »
2014-2015 Jive Turkey, just for perspective and appreciation of my now
434
« on: June 28, 2017, 03:27:32 PM »
Every minute and every hour
I miss you I miss you
435
« on: June 28, 2017, 03:23:28 PM »
I care so much that a large part of how I interact with people is based off making them like me, but I'm also so detached to the outcome of that that I don't actually care if they do or do not like me, it doesn't effect my state much if at all. Idk how to explain
436
« on: June 22, 2017, 04:08:07 AM »
That's the start of ego death
I am being totally serious
You need to choose who you want to be
What do you mean choose? I want to go back kinda but it's very hard to imagine what it was even like before.
437
« on: June 22, 2017, 01:14:44 AM »
I will reply with solid advice in about 10 min
438
« on: June 22, 2017, 01:00:43 AM »
Long story short I came to the realization last Thursday where I not just felt but KNEW in every fiber of my being that I don't actually exist how I thought I did. It's all an illusion, every single thing on earth is made up of the same exact energy and so it's basically all one. There's no "me" that I think is talking in my head. And there's not really a "you". With that being said, I don't even control anything I do when you think about it because there's no "me" to control it.
this sounds like crazy spiritual shit to all of you and it used to to me too. That doesn't even matter how crazy it sounds now though because regardless I still experience it and it's kinda fucking up my life. It's like I'm half viewing the world like this ^ which feels very pointless and gives me a ton of anxiety
And half the time I experience the world how I used to. I have very little to no interest in sex right now, to me it seems gross, like two suits of meat who think they're alive squishing body parts together.
It's making me very depressed and I just wanna go back to being normal tbh. What do
439
« on: June 21, 2017, 02:19:41 PM »
she should have dropped you as soon as you seriously said 'reals'
forealzies
440
« on: June 21, 2017, 02:16:02 PM »
Kinda want to do it because the entire situation really turns me on and it's a great story. But I'm not sure I can actually perform in front of another dude when it comes down to it lol. Sex doesn't even matter anyways tbh it's all just biological impulses
441
« on: June 20, 2017, 05:53:27 PM »
In my grandmas bathroom there's a mirror right above the sink that I remember I could only see the top of my head. Recently I was over there and realized I'm a good 2 feet taller than the mirror, and where I used to view it from Is the height of an average 6-7 year old. Crazy cause I didn't even view myself as that young back then
Also those books were awesome
442
« on: June 19, 2017, 04:17:47 PM »
Haven't updated in a while because I'd been getting over her well. But she's honestly pretty devious smh get this:
She's from a different city than me (40 min away) but she goes to school at the college in my town. So she's been away for this past month etc except now she came back for summer school. I already knew this was gonna happen but here's what I didn't expect
She's started to go to my secondary gym at the time she knows I would always go. It's cool because I go to a different gym now in my work town so I didn't even see her. But she has been trying to befriend my best friend who works out there. And to make it even worse, she's trying to get at one of my other semi close friends who I confided in a lot throughout this relationship and breakup. She KNOWS him and I are friends and he's brought me up to her before but she doesn't care. She asks to work out with him / invites him to eat hangout etc all the time.
He had a long talk with me about how he respects me too much to ever do anything but Even though he's my friend he's kinda shady about stuff like this. i feel like he would fuck her and not tell me anything. He's also just starting his first steroid cycle so he's much Hornier and more irrational than normal. I'm guiding him through it and providing the stuff to him so I guarantee he's partly scared that if he does anything and I find out I might fuck with his stuff, I could possibly destroy his life with these hormonez(I wouldn't but still)
I know I have no place to get mad at who has sex with who etc I don't own either of them, but I can't help getting mad af and overthinking it. What I'm basically doing is coming to terms with the fact that I can't control the situation and if they do it they do it. I'd have to prepare myself to cut off a good friend which would suck but that's life son
What the fuck is this ghetto drama bullshit? Get better friends and stop using steroids.
Ive been doing good man but this shit just pushed me over the edge. I'm tired of this drama shit, it isn't fun anymore. I don't know how to cope with being betrayed (if it does happen)
443
« on: June 19, 2017, 02:26:46 AM »
Old game boy game sounds, especially zelda oracle of time/seasons I think
The smell of this onion farm Legitimately takes me to another time though, my grandparents used to live there when I was 2-4 years old and I have barely any memory of it
444
« on: June 17, 2017, 11:17:31 PM »
just saw a post implying they could be "prejudiced but not racist"
what are your thoughts
Was this the pic of that white guy on twitter praising black women and black women asking him stuff
445
« on: June 17, 2017, 11:15:28 PM »
Pretty cool man. How much do these things tend to cost?
446
« on: June 17, 2017, 11:12:03 PM »
Haven't updated in a while because I'd been getting over her well. But she's honestly pretty devious smh get this:
She's from a different city than me (40 min away) but she goes to school at the college in my town. So she's been away for this past month etc except now she came back for summer school. I already knew this was gonna happen but here's what I didn't expect
She's started to go to my secondary gym at the time she knows I would always go. It's cool because I go to a different gym now in my work town so I didn't even see her. But she has been trying to befriend my best friend who works out there. And to make it even worse, she's trying to get at one of my other semi close friends who I confided in a lot throughout this relationship and breakup. She KNOWS him and I are friends and he's brought me up to her before but she doesn't care. She asks to work out with him / invites him to eat hangout etc all the time.
He had a long talk with me about how he respects me too much to ever do anything but Even though he's my friend he's kinda shady about stuff like this. i feel like he would fuck her and not tell me anything. He's also just starting his first steroid cycle so he's much Hornier and more irrational than normal. I'm guiding him through it and providing the stuff to him so I guarantee he's partly scared that if he does anything and I find out I might fuck with his stuff, I could possibly destroy his life with these hormonez(I wouldn't but still)
I know I have no place to get mad at who has sex with who etc I don't own either of them, but I can't help getting mad af and overthinking it. What I'm basically doing is coming to terms with the fact that I can't control the situation and if they do it they do it. I'd have to prepare myself to cut off a good friend which would suck but that's life son
447
« on: June 16, 2017, 01:49:54 AM »
the weird thing is that i actually function fine in social situations
i just constantly feel like i'm under attack no matter what
i don't have a keyboard and a moment's time to formulate my responses to people, so i'm often quiet, reserved, and defensive in conversation
but when i do have a little bit more to say, everyone listens and people tend to appreciate my thoughts
that doesn't seem to help much though, and i can't figure out why
Thats interesting, my friend with social anxiety describes it similarly. He feels like he's cornered My anxiety isn't social at all. It actually goes away in any social situation. It is very mild/practically non existent when I'm clean (off gear, off caffeine). Caffeine can exacerbate it a ton and the juice I'm on right now brings it to an entirely different level. I feel a permanent nervousness for no reason and a constant feeling of dread, like something bad is going to happen. Even if I'm completely safe inside my room at night with nothing to do. Meditation and sitting with the feeling has helped a lot
448
« on: June 16, 2017, 01:28:14 AM »
Curious to see if you guys do/don't and how you personally like to deal with it
449
« on: June 14, 2017, 07:15:50 PM »
Kidney beans? 
450
« on: June 14, 2017, 01:46:48 PM »
How do you even consume 280g of protein without going through a tub of protein powder weekly?
I work at chipotle lol, so I get free food Breakfast: egg whites x eggs x bagel or pats x Greek yogurt Protein shake x fruit Post workout shake x fruit Before work I get double chicken bowl After work I get double steak or something etc Other foods. The chipotle servings of meat are 4oz with chicken breast being 160 calories and the steak being like 220 per serving
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