Quote from: Sαndtrap on October 27, 2016, 07:15:02 PM

Is Deez Nutz still in the race?

He's 15, so nah.

Guess I'd have to toss my vote in with some other obscure third party.

Is Deez Nutz still in the race?

                                                                                                                                                         me on the right

Don't have a lot of time on my hands here and there's too much to talk about.

I know that feeling of the void. I know how enchanting it can be. How it can be the only thing that has any colour or meaning in an otherwise dead and grey world around you. Don't follow it. Don't chase after it.

There's a lobe in your brain. Very small. Right in the middle. It's the most protected part of your brain. When you die, that lobe goes into overdrive and pumps out massive levels of some highly potent psychedelic chemical. It's manufactured varient is highly illegal. One of the notable features of it is time dilation. Up to eight minutes after your death, this lobe continues to pump out that chemical. That's a long enough drug trip that you could live out your entire life and more before your brain finally shuts off for good.

I have some questions. The paramedics didn't pay much attention to how you ended up dead? Do you have councilors or psych related docs investigating? I could ask more but maybe you're not comfortable talking out in the open so to speak.

You can pm me. I can't promise how quickly I'll be able to respond. But I will if I'm awake.

It's slightly off topic here but it's got some ties to what we're talking about. There's a lot of crime down in the states. I don't think it's far fetched to say that a portion of the issue is gang culture among certain communities.

I notice a lot of solutions figure they can help fix the issue with education opportunities. Which is more or less one portion of the issue. However, what I've never seen any study or proffessional talk about is money.

Let's look at it from another perspective for a sec.

You grow up in some slum community and you're presented with two pictures of your future. The first being an average joe worker with a shit to average tier job even if you pass through the education system.

And the second is drugs and arms dealing with your gang. Hundreds of thousands of dollars under the table that can't be touched or taken away by the government unless through brute force. I'd be willing to bet that drug/arms dealers make a hell of a lot more money in a year than the average joe working a soul sucking job and struggling to pay the bills.

In a society that's so focused on making money, putting morality aside, there's a clear option that weighs in over the other every time for the vast majority of people living in slumlike communities.

I missed my man. I was actually just thinking about you yesterday. I was thinking about how it's unfair what life is doing to you. You don't deserve it. You deserve everything and more, you really do.

Thanks for that. I wouldn't put such a spin on it though. Had a lot of time to think. If I get out of here, there's things that I can do differently.

Quote from: Sαndtrap on October 23, 2016, 11:46:34 PM

Beside the obvious point that I'm limited to playing games at the moment?

I can't really say. Not any worse than last year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. It's been one long haul from one little gem to the next.

2015 was a decent year. Lots of well-received games--Witcher 3, Bloodborne, Undertale, Life is Strange, Splatoon, Mario Maker.
2014 was okay. Smash, Bayonetta 2, Shovel Knight--lots of mediocre stuff, but few major disappointment.
2013 was good. The Last of Us, Grand Theft Auto V, Metro, Battlefield 4, Pokémon, Zelda, Dota 2.

2016 has... uh, Dark Souls 3?... In general, it was a year of mass disappointment, delays, and stagnation.

I don't rate years based off what other folks like. I rate them based off what I've managed to play.

Take a guess on how big my game library is.

Quote from: Sαndtrap on October 23, 2016, 11:36:04 PM

Quote from: Elegiac on October 23, 2016, 05:54:49 PM

Man, I have real sympathy with Sandtrap. If I was in his situation I'd wanna be a badass as well. And sure there's an element of pity, but no more pity than I'd have for myself in that extremity.

Dude, you're earning major points towards your next stage of existence.

I figure it's fair if I try to reply to most comments as somebody took the time to write them. But I'm afraid I don't know much what to say to that.

I'm still around because I've been fighting not to end up in my next stage of existence, whatever that could come across as. Maybe I credit myself too much. After all I'm stuck to a bed. Can't exactly fight much of anything.

This is less about me and more about the people around me. I miss them. There's a hole in their absence. And what happened to all of them was not fair.

Yeah I thought you'd say that, which is why I said what I said.

For what particular purpose then?

Beside the obvious point that I'm limited to playing games at the moment?

I can't really say. Not any worse than last year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. It's been one long haul from one little gem to the next.

I didn't want just music memes would help guys

I don't have any tunes but I could probably snap off an arm and give you a hand.

The pal of mine who passed away this week is keeping me up. When I first got the news I started trying to look for more information. And I got it.

He got T-boned in an intersection by a drunk driver while driving home. Driver side. The force of impact sent his vehicle into a rollover and it crossed the intersection where it smashed into a lampost. My pal was ejected from his vehicle. He was dead on impact. Couple years younger than me. 22.

The drunk driver was 25, in a rental, had a passenger, and was in possession of drugs. Both survived.

Over 200 people attended my friend's funeral.

All because some dickhead got behind the wheel while intoxicated.

Well I honestly don't know what to say... Euthanasia maybe? It's only going to get more painful from here, and despair sure as fuck isn't going to help that. I had to watch my grandmother go through palliative care, and for the last week or so before her death, when she was awake she was screaming in pain, the amount of morphine they were giving her was probably enough to kill a horse, she could barely think straight because the cancer had fucked up her brain so badly, and she looked like a living corpse. End it before you get to that point. Nobody should ever have to go through that.

I thought about that early on as things got worse. Meeting some of the people I did changed my mind. I got to know some kids. In the range of 4-8 years old. Some of them had it worse than me. But they stuck it out like champs.

To me, at this point, giving up would be spitting on them and my older friends. I am in pain now. And I could probably make a convincing halloween corpse decoration. But I'd like to see it through on my terms. They gave me estimates based on how fast it spread. I was looking at June if things kept on. Guess I got lucky. Lucky enough that I got a drug combo that's starting to work.

I accept my situation and whatever comes of it. But I'm having trouble accepting what happened to the people I knew.

You are just a bundle of bad vibes aren't you

Things are lost in text. While it's easy to say and see that I'm not exactly having a party at the moment, you can't see the humor behind the words I type.

Things are shitty. And my stories may give off bad vibes. But right now I'm laughing because the friend of mine who is dead, some years ago made an xbox live account called HugeSackSally. And I remember the fun times we had during the short timespan before the account was banned.

I'll just wing it.

I've seen some things in the past couple months.

Been in a care center for the majority of the time that I've been awol from here. I got to make some friends here when I was able to. People from all walks of life, and people of all ages. And I've had to watch some of them die.

Over the past three weeks I've lost two longtime friends. The latest happened this week. I was informed of it three days ago. I knew him for 10 years.

I'm not awake very often, or for very long. But when I am awake, it bothers me. I just keep replaying it all around in my head. I'm not very mobile right now. There's not much I can do to take my mind off things.

The support base of people I had have all died.