Good morning gentlemen. I'd like to discuss something with you all this morning. Because I believe it's important. And I think it's time I talk about what's been happening on my end for the past few days. But not what's been happening. More specifically, what happened.

This will be long. Because my words can never do it justice. But all of you people here. Should read this. Okay. Here we go.

What, to you, is death? Think about that for a bit please.
 
That's what I'd like to talk to you about right now. The Quiets look at me like I'm otherworldy. Like I shouldn't still be standing. My family. They can't believe it. My doctor. He insists that I rest. But at the same time he's admitted that he's surprised at how I can still stand.
 
Chemo has, and is destroying my body. My neck is sore and painful because they stuck a needle into my spine. The back of my head is tender and hurts because they cut out a piece of my skull to clean out my head. They put it all back. But it hurts. My heart is broken. I can feel it. Irregular pumps.  And most of all. My time is measured. Chemo doesn't destroy tumors. It damages them, puts them into a dormant state or into remission. And most of all. Why am I here now? The doc is watching me. Because of my heart.
 
This is the point. I can't win. One day, this tumor will go again. Or my heart. It will stop one day because it is damaged and broken.
 
Do you know what I remember? I remember waking up. My head was on fire. Parts of me were numb. I called the doc. I was worried. Scared. Because I knew what was happening. And I didn't want to lose that. I was scared and yet I moved. And, apparently, I made it into the parking lot of the hospital. Turned off my truck. Stepped out, and lost consciousnes. The doc found me out there.
 
There was nothing. What I mean by that, is that there was no gap in time. I went down. I fell asleep. And then?
 
Boom.
 
An explosion. Everything.
 
I want you to imagine that. An explosion of everything. Light. Sound. Sight. Feeling. Pain. Surprise. Memories.
 
The doc says that everything feels new and like deja vu because of the brain damage. And that's fair.That's science. Chemicals and dying cells.
 
But I saw everything. My words don't do it justice. It was like a light switch.
 
So that's why I'm standing. That's why I got up to say hello to friends and family. Because I know now. I know how special it is.
 
I'm in pain. And I realize that my life is still a mess. Still a challenge I may not beat. But I understand.
 
It's all relative. Pain. It's beautiful. It anchors you to this world and destroys you and eats away at your soul.
 
But it's part of it. You can't have good, without bad. Light, without dark.
 
Too much pain, is bad. Because we are simple beings. All of us. We're bound here, to this place, this world among vast stars that we can never touch, will never see, and never truly grasp. And yet, through the scale of it all we're here. We're bound to our bodies in a very real physical world.
 
But I saw everything. Boom. Snap of a finger. All those feelings, sensations, memories. Mistakes, triumphs, good days, bad days.
 
And it hurt. In a good way. It hurts now. Typing this. Because nobody knows.
 
Nobody knows what they stand to lose. And it's not their fault. Because it's perspective. We're simple, earth bound beings of dirt and soil.
 
So what does this mean? What does this mean for me?
 
I stand. I move. Because pain is part of it. And I know. I know now that things will go up now. I will start to get better soon. And I know that one day I will die. All of us will.
 
But in the meantime. I can do my very best. I can try. And I will make mistakes. I have made mistakes.
 
I'm here now. And I know where I go. I go to my grave. Whether it be from this re-ignited tumor one day, or my heart decides that it's done once and for all. I go to my grave because I've no choice. But, all the
same. I go to my life. I go to my world around me and I will do the best I can because I know how special it all is.
 
But I see. I see the world. I see life.
 
And all of it is an experience, for good or bad.
 
I am glad for what was given and what comes down the road.
 
And I think, none of you understand. Most, if not all of you ever will. You won't ever see it. But I want you all to remember what I said here.

Thanks for listening.

You know, sure thing, I could take this up to the mods in quiet. It'd be easy. Simple and clean. But the fact is, I don't care. And I know that this little bundle of joy up above doesn't either.

So that's why this is here.

Because BL doesn't care. And you know why he doesn't care? Because he's here. He comes around to this little site and does his thing and makes it known that he doesn't care. Quite a bit of effort to let the world know that he doesn't care right?

A lot actually.

So the simple fact is, BL likes attention. Attention is drawn to him that way. He gets wonderful attention from people all over the place here, attention, that I am giving him right now.

So why do I give him attention?

Because, if BL was a normal, functioning human being, if he wanted attention, all he'd have to do is simply talk. Talk with people, do his thing, But he doesn't.

And do you know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because he's a coward. And he knows it too. He puts his happy mask on here. And instead of simply being a normal decent person, he starts trouble.

Because you can start trouble on the internet so very easily, and remain hidden oh so very well.

BL self loathes himself. He's disgusted in fact. And he wanders over here and puts his mask on because here, he can be what he wants to be. He can hide as much as he wants. He can run from his reality around him and release all his stress here.

He does so by not caring, soaking up all that nice attention. And he does it very willingly.

Which means he's a coward. Spineless, in fact. He doesn't have the guts to take a look at his life, and even more so, he doesn't have the guts to open up to the world.

He doesn't have the guts to open up to strangers on the internet, people who can't touch him or hurt him in any way because he doesn't care.

So.

To you BL, cheers. You'll always be spineless and you'll know it. It'll always be there in you, every day, until you die.

Speaking of dying, if you folks looked at the nice conversation up there, it certainly was illuminating. BL is under the assumption that he won't wake up one day, and run the risk of tripping down the stairs or cracking his head in the shower when he randomly slips.

Which means, that one day, he's going to die, and he won't be ready for it. And he'll die knowing that he was a coward and his life really never did amount to anything special.

So, to you Mr. BL.

I can see how you work. I can see through that little mask of yours. You're just a sad little shell of a person who's too afraid to stand up and fight your sad life. And not only that, but rather than seek help or assistance or comfort, you seek attention to the mask you put over your face in the morning, because you're too much of a spineless person to take it off.

And to you I say.

Merry Christmas.


Feel free to lock mods. Things are done and gone now.

Two hours to go gentlemen until I hop in my truck and roll off. Off to where? Hmm. Call it an adventure. New roads. New town. And maybe, a new friend. One last shuffle for the sake of trying.

I can say today is probably the happiest day I've had in a while. And there's a lot of shit in my way folks. My vehicle had some nice jury rigged repairs on my end when it tried to break down on me yesterday, and I went over stuff and got it into tip top shape for today's trip.

Surprisingly, this is a big deal for me. Haven't had a big deal in a while that was good. I second guess myself too much but I am aware that I have keen eyes and this interesting person, far off in another town is worth the trouble of going through to get up and say a simple hello to.

You folks haven't lived up here. The remote nature and distance of everything makes finding folks hard. Especially if you're different like me, which, by now should be a given. So, I've gotta jump.

And I think it'll be fun.

But I am aware that there are so many damn things that could go wrong with this trip, traveling so far, on ice and snow in this cold. And most of all, I am aware, that my chances are decreasing everyday.

I refer of course, to the cocktail of shit that's been blasted into me for a good week and a half now. The wonderful thing doc's call Chemo. I'm not handling it well. My body's a mess, and in conjunction with all the winter effects on people which are harsh here as well, I am, at this point an actual walking corpse.

Day by day I get worse and now I'm on counter drugs to help with some side effects that are manifesting.

So. I feel like I'm a bit of a cliff here. And I am aware, that even if this day turns out well, and goes perfect, I can still lose. I could still stand the chance of giving out under all the strain as of late.

But, that's the way things go sometimes.

I would like to thank all of you folks. Every last one of you no matter who you are. Six or seven months ago when I really started to open up, and made some friends to talk to, I never expected it to lead up to this.

I never expected the challenges of this year and I did my best to fight against what was thrown at me.

But to all you people, whether you be a good friend, a person that I admit openly that I love very much so, or you're a good friend that helped me better define myself and learn who I was.

Whether you were a friend who read my stories and did not do what I expected.

Whether you be a friend I enjoy talking to and with.

Whether you're a friend that I fight for and try to help because I legitimately care.

Whether you're a person I don't know yet, and haven't gotten the chance to know better.

Whether you're a person who's new on the spotlight.

Or you're just an acquaintence and we've only talked a few sparse times.

All of you deserve thanks. You all deserve thanks because it was the culmination of these experiences, moments, fights, friends, laughs, and other things that were shared with me that have allowed me to even live to see this moment.

It's been a rough year. And I'm not afraid to say that without these moments, I wouldn't have pulled through alone. And hopefully, today, I can find somebody interesting like myself on home ground who I can fight for and reach out to.

I always try to hope for the best.

But, I can't turn forwards on the road ahead, without acknowledging the people who were there for me.

So.

TL:DR

To these friends of mine, wherever you are now, I remember you for what you’ve given me. I remember the lessons taught, the experiences shared, and the new windows each and every one of you has given me. You all have my thanks, and now I give it, in light of a debt I will never be able to repay you for.

Smiggles- You were the first. I opened everything up to you.

Floppytub- You brought comfort and sparked pride in me for what I do.

Vien- You brought the knowledge of common ground, knowledge that I was not alone.

Noelle- You opened new windows for me, and taught me to look for the hidden details.

Mr. Admirals- Your love for a favorite universe of mine is boundless, and has always helped me find an anchor.

Gojira- You gave what I sought for so long. Someone to discuss the merits and finer details of my work.

Baconshelf- A fellow writer in arms, a friendly face in the storm, I enjoy your worlds and your stories.

Nuka- You supported me and strengthened my resolve that I was not wrong in my writings.

Kiyo- That fire in your eyes and unexpected friendliness brings a smile to me in my dark days.

And to all of you people who's names I don't mention. I thank you too.

You folks were the reason I've managed to come so far to even be alive to see this or even try. This trip I'm taking today has the potential to be my last. I'm running out of fight to give physically, but by now most of my friends know that my sense of humor and optimism can't be killed without a fight.

So. To all of you. Bungie.Net, Sep7agon, Halo Archive.

I thank you folks for the moments shared, the friend made, and the comforts and experiences given.

So. One last shuffle, and we'll see where things go from here right?

You know it folks. Lets see what new roads lie up on the path shall we?

If I find something new and interesting, I'll show up here in due time with a spring in my step and a fight to move and be happy even if I'm a bit of a walking corpse.

And, if I don't come back from this road trip and something bad does come of it, well, I tried. And it was you folks that allowed me to come this far.

So.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely, Sandtrap

I don't feel like dragging my sorry ass into the clinic today Flood. Couple hours to go and then I won't even be able to stand up straight for the rest of the day.

I REQUIRE ASSISTANCE.

HELP HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP.

Fuck. Do I have to do this shit? God dammit. Somebody buy me life alert for christmas or something.

I'm not normally so self conscious. But I just happened to check myself over in the mirror this morning. And frankly? I'm disturbed. I got used to half my head being hairless with a thing sticking out of my skin.

But I just realized how dead I look. My eyes have sunken in and gone dark grey in the lower sockets and my fucking skin's gone pale. I'm starting to pull out more hair than usual now and I realize I've already started losing a fuck ton of weight since my pants don't fit anymore.

I'm disturbed. But I can't look away. Jesus fuck they tell you about all the stuff you can expect but fuck.

I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here this morning even though I already did. So, let's make things relevant.

Ever have a morning or day when you just couldn't stop looking at yourself in the mirror, good or bad?

This topic has been moved to Serious.

http://sep7agon.net/index.php?topic=16580.0

This all seems a little familiar doesn't it? Yeah, it does. I've got to go now folks. Change of plans. A snowstorm's coming. And I've got to move before the roads close. So, this is it. I'm sorry I couldn't stay a little longer. But, I leave something behind for all you folks to listen to, when you have the time.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1vlbBxcLsc7

That ^^^, is me doing things differently. Because I'm leaving on my terms this time. And I choose to leave off on something more that the word of a friend. That message, is for all of you.

So, I've got to go now. I can only leave off with one thing that represents my time here, as a member, and my reign as a monitor. I'll be back, when I can. I'll try to keep in touch. But, for now, goodbye folks. I'll see you around.

On November 15th, 22-year old Turkish-German student Tugce Albayrak was at a McDonald’s in the city of Offenbach (near Frankfurt), when she heard cries for help coming from the restaurant’s bathroom. When Albayrak headed in to investigate, she discovered that two teenage girls were being harassed by three grown men. Albayrak intervened, broke up the ugly situation, and the teen girls fled.

The story should have ended there, with that act of bravery, but tragically, later that night in the parking lot of that same McDonald’s, one of the men returned to attack Albayrak. She received a blow to the head, and fell. Albayrak stayed in a coma for almost two weeks, until November 28th, when her parents decided to take her off of life support on what would have been her 23rd birthday.

Her attacker, an 18-year old man who confessed to the crime, and is currently being held in police custody, awaiting trial, where it’s believed he will be charged with assault resulting in unintentional manslaughter.

Albayrak’s nation—and the world—mourn the loss of this young woman whose moral compass unwaveringly pointed north and who possessed such rare courage More than 100,000 people have signed a petition asking Germany to posthumously honor Albayrak with .the country’s Federal Order Of Merit, one of the highest honors a civilian can receive, and the state premier has made it clear that it is his intention to push for her to receive this honor.

Meanwhile, President Joachim Gauck praised Albayrak’s bravery, in the following letter to her family:

“Like countless citizens, I am shocked and appalled by this terrible act. Tugce has earned gratitude and respect from us all. She will always remain a role model to us, our entire country mourns with you. Where other people looked the other way, Tugce showed exemplary courage and moral fortitude.”

Link to page: http://hellogiggles.com/tugce-albayrak/#read

Found this a little while back. Figured I'd share it. Makes my head spin a little bit considering the fact that you look all around and you see the retarded "feminists" as they supposedly claim the mantel to and they're still around doing nothing when you can take one look at this person's eyes and know that this was a decent person. It's a damn fucking shame.

This topic has been moved to Anarchy.

http://sep7agon.net/index.php?topic=14697.0

This topic has been moved to The Flood.

http://sep7agon.net/index.php?topic=14664.0

First time hearing about it. It's a musical instrument. AAAAAND it's fuckin' weird. No strings needed. A signal is sent through the thing, and the two corrosponding poles like you see in the video catch the soundwaves. Put your hands near em' and you can play shit in differnt tunes.

Don't know about you folks, but that shit is fucking different.

Posting this in serious, because it's not light hearted. And I don't know what to do. I've got four walls folks. Four walls that I can't break down because they're out of my hands. At this point, this is all I have. All I can do is talk about them as I stare at them day in, day out.

1. Potential Death
Everybody has the potential every day to die. That's not new. But what is new, is the lump of cancer in my noggin. A dormant tumor that will one day start growing. It'll put more pressure on my head than it currently does now, until the strain breaks the important bits in my head and I hemmorage to death. It'll be painful.

Most of all, this can't be avoided. It's an absolute. One day or another, it'll start growing. And nobody can fix it, change it, or even stop it. Not even me. No medicine, no doctors, no sense of humor, no drugs will help. It's too deep to cut out, and my body just isn't up for the strains that come with treating it with chemotherapy or radiation.

This makes every second of my time valuable to me.

2. No Fucking Friends
I'm aware that I'm a fan of being solitary. But as of late, not completely solitary. I'd like a friend to enjoy it with. Or, put simply, just a friend. Somebody I can see in the morning, and we both know that we fucking hate being up so early in the morning. Somebody I can sit down with, and just talk. Here's the problem.

I live in a town of 800. 60% of that are people over their 60's. Another 20% are older adults, married folks and single dudes and such. The remainder are young folks from ages 1-20. And you know what young folks do in this town? They leave. Because there's nothing here to hold them and keep them. Or, or, they've got a ring on their finger.

Nevermind my town. Let's look at my province. 1 million people. It's the same statistic. 60% old folks, 20% young married folks and bachelor dudes, and the rest are kids that pack up and move to other provinces or have a ring over their fingers.

Even more so, while I may look and act the part of people around here, I don't think the part. The main point is, finding anybody even close to being relatable to me, seems impossible. I have to wait until a traveler arrives, out of town, out of province, out of country. And then give them a reason to stay.

And that means I'll have to wait.

3. Cabin Fever
It's winter. It's fucking cold out. There's no jobs outside. All I have is the restaurant I work at. And I'm a person that moves. And I can't. Which means, over the next 8 months of winter or so, my muscles will degrade, my stamina will go down the tubes, and come spring time, I'll have to fight my way back up to peak physical health again. And I don't want that. I don't want that fucking fight every god damn spring.

Most of all, I'm at my best getting into physical shape with jobs. Because I go into an off state. I ignore all pain and troubles. And I focus on my work and learn new things at the same time. My head is pre-occupied while I work so I don't feel that strain.

But every spring, the starting days are enormously difficult. I don't have the space to do the exercises I would need, and it's too fucking cold out too. So here I sit, cooped up inside.

4. Stress makes stress
I'm a fan of writing and drawing. And with all this bullshit, I'm trying to fall back on my hobbies. And they aren't working. My gears are jammed and the motivation is dead. There is no spark. It's like trying to start your vehicle in the winter and your engine just turns over and over but never starts.


TL:DR
So there you have it. Three of these four things listed, I cannot change directly. I have to wait. And it's killing me. I have to live with the fact that at any time, I could die a wonderful, extremely painful death. I'm constantly aware that I have nobody to fucking talk to.

And not talk over the internet. I mean a person, right there, in the physical sense. A smile, a laugh, the very real physical presence of somebody like myself that I get along with. And so after I'm done talking with folks over the wonderous internet, I return to that state. And it stings. Every time.

And my life is based around moving. Moving and working. Work to keep in shape, work to learn new things, and work to make my dreams a reality. But right now, in -30 weather where exposed skin will freeze in 5 minutes of exposure, that doesn't happen.

So, here's why this is in the serious board.

Why?

Can you give me one good reason why I should wait?

Why should I wait for an absolute, a death that will be both extremely painful, and a death that will take everything away from me if I manage to live long enough to achieve my dreams? If I live long enough to have a good true friend. Why wait to have that achieved, and then ripped from me?

That's my fucking question to all of you. Why fucking bother to wait, when I could save time instead, and just skip all this fucking bullshit?

Enjoy your day folks.

Big Thanks:

-To Dustin anon whoever you are. 200 bucks isn't so easily tossed around into something even if it's a fundraiser. Thank you very much.

Good evening to you folks! Or good morning if you live in another part of the world! I'm here today, to talk with you about somebody. He's somebody you may or may not know. He goes by the name of Nuka. And he's a good friend of mine. Maybe even, a good friend to you. But whether or not he's your friend, that doesn't matter today.

What does matter today, is the fact that Nuka's in trouble. Some of you may already know that he's on the verge of being homeless. And he's a victim of sad, and poor circumstance. And he's out of options. He's played all of his cards, the best he can, and he's out of luck. On December 2nd, 8 days from now, Nuka will be homeless. With no friends to help, and no family that cares.

Which is why I come to you today. So sit down a minute, and let's have a chat shall we?

I want you to relax. Calm your head down, and think about this for a moment. Imagine, for a second, that you had a family. A family that raised you, cared for you, and made you feel safe and secure. And then, they turned on you. And like that, a piece of your world was gone.

And then, in your struggles, suddenly, your best friends started to turn on you. Some simply couldn't help you. Some didn't want to. They abandoned you. Left you, after all that time.

Imagine waking up with that. Can you do that for a second?

Okay good. Now, let's throw some more on the pile. Imagine, that you're at the peak of your life. 20 years of age. You've got the whole world in front of you. You've got dreams, and you're trying to make yourself happy, despite everything in your life so far.

And then, one day, you get some bad news. The place you've been calling home is up for sale. Your last friend, moving. And they don't have any room for you. You've got no choice. You're on the streets now.

Can you imagine that?

Most of all, I want all of you to ask yourself an important question. Could you do that? Could you wake up, every day, with all of that on you shoulders?

If you could, then you're stronger in will than Nuka, and far stronger than I could ever be as a person as well. But that's not the point here.

The point is, this person, this young man, sits on the edge of his life. And it's falling apart. And he can't do anything to stop it, no matter how hard he's tried. And that's not fair. And I know, some of you may have your doubts about this. You might say, "Well tough shit, my life was no picnic either."

To you I say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever struggles you had to go through. But you're here now aren't you? And if you had the chance, if you were given the choice, to get help in your dark hour, would you take it?

And that's what I'm trying to say. Whether or not you know Nuka as a friend, or a familiar name, or you've never met him, know that he deserves a hand. He deserves help, and love, and care that's never been there for him.

And as a community, we can do that. You know how?

By pitching in something for him. And here's the kicker.

5 bucks. That's all I'm asking. Bare minimum. 5 dollars. Know why? Because I've done the math. If 5 dollars was given by each individual person, it would take 1600 people to reach this goal.

Compare that number. 1600 people. Out of 7 Billion. You think there's a combined number of 1600 people on the sites I'm posting this in? I do.

Before we go any further, I'd like to talk to you about money. About that five dollars you're so fearful to give away. That five dollars you might be potentially throwing down the toilet. That five dollars, you could spend on a chocolate bar and a soda.

Money, put simply, is just a simple number. Most of all, it's made to be spent. That's what it was designed for. Even if you save up your money, can you argue that one day it won't be spent on what you've saved up for?

You can't, can you?

So here's what you gain, by giving five dollars. Five dollars, that you'll spend one day on something else. Five dollars, that you might even lose to the couch, or the laundry Here's what you give.

You give time. You show that you care. To Nuka, you give him a piece of a life. You show him, that through all the garbage he's been through, much of which I can't rightfully tell you about because it's his personal affairs, that he's worth something.

You can show him, that even if you don't know him personally, even if you've never met him in person, and never will, that you care. You care enough to give him something, as small as it is.

I ask of you something, here and now.

As a community, we have the numbers, and the power to fix things. As individuals, we have the power to give a life, and a home to somebody. Just like a good game of Halo, or even Destiny. We're good teammates.

Show Nuka why we're the best damn community around. Show him that we've got his back.

Thanks for your time.

http://www.gofundme.com/HelpNuka