Dark Souls Impressions - The FINAL Update

Oh fuck, I finally did what I wanted to do. <_<

Now I can progress.

Oh right

yeah, fuck that

filthy rats!

Holy shit--I should not be alive right now.

I'm getting that feeling again, like I shouldn't be here, but I mean, the path has been pretty linear so far...

How dare you, don't say that about your life

How dare you, don't say that about your life

Do you have ANY idea why my equipment is scrolling on its own?

It's fucked me over at least three times in a row now.

How dare you, don't say that about your life

Do you have ANY idea why my equipment is scrolling on its own?

It's fucked me over at least three times in a row now.

Like... swapping out? No that sounds bizarre. I know this is gonna make you want to shoot me, but are you sure you're not hitting your d-pad?

Like... swapping out? No that sounds bizarre. I know this is gonna make you want to shoot me, but are you sure you're not hitting your d-pad?

I'm not, I swear to god.

I figured it was some silly mechanic where if you blocked too many hits, or too strong of a hit, then your items would swap out. Because... you lose your grip on them, or something. Seems like something this game would do, to be honest.

Must be my controller, then, I guess. I should use a different one--I can't play like this.

Like... swapping out? No that sounds bizarre. I know this is gonna make you want to shoot me, but are you sure you're not hitting your d-pad?

I'm not, I swear to god.

I figured it was some silly mechanic where if you blocked too many hits, or too strong of a hit, then your items would swap out. Because... you lose your grip on them, or something. Seems like something this game would do, to be honest.

Must be my controller, then, I guess. I should use a different one--I can't play like this.

Yeah your items should NEVER swap unless you tap the D-pad to. Even when broken it still has it equipped.

Like... swapping out? No that sounds bizarre. I know this is gonna make you want to shoot me, but are you sure you're not hitting your d-pad?

I'm not, I swear to god.

I figured it was some silly mechanic where if you blocked too many hits, or too strong of a hit, then your items would swap out. Because... you lose your grip on them, or something. Seems like something this game would do, to be honest.

Must be my controller, then, I guess. I should use a different one--I can't play like this.

Yeah your items should NEVER swap unless you tap the D-pad to. Even when broken it still has it equipped.

I have the vaugest fucking recollection that this is a glitch. Like, damn. I swear I can almost remember the cause of it too.

How dare you, don't say that about your life

Do you have ANY idea why my equipment is scrolling on its own?

It's fucked me over at least three times in a row now.

Any chance you're just thumbing the d-pad when switching weapons?

This is gonna be a messy update, because a lot of crazy shit happened in a relatively short period.

Absconding from the dragon was simple enough, but I still managed to lose 4000 souls along the way. After I died, naturally, I was about to set out and recover them. So, tilting my stick forward, I walked out of my little bonfire saferoom, when my face started to itch a little. As I scratched my face, I yawned. As I yawned, my thumb tiresomely veered off to the side a little bit--and as a result, since I didn't see what I was doing, my character fell right off a cliff.

VIDEO GAMES

Yeah, that was the embarrassing thing I didn't want to talk about at first. To add insult to injury, I found the way to escape the Bridge Wyvern as soon as I got back, meaning I lost all those souls for absolutely nothing. what the fuck ever man

To escape the dragon, there's a spot on the bridge that leads directly under it--and as you keep walking, you'll end up on a path towards the Undead Parish, which is where I ended up--but not before going up a small tower on the way. This lead to nothing but another black knight. This one was... noticeably tougher than the first one I faced, and after a bunch of attempts, I decided it wasn't even worth the trouble right now.

The first time I fought him, I actually tried doing what challenger suggested I do with the first black knight, and jump right off the tower, to lure him down as well--this is how I originally ended up in the Parish. Alas, the black knight didn't drop down with me, and I ended up getting fucked up by the next ridiculously strong thing in my path--which was this... giant armored rhino-esque thing. Once it charged at me, I attempted to roll away, but I wasn't quick enough.

Fortunately, though, I don't have to keep running through the Burg just to make it back here. Under the dragon's bridge is a spot (guarded by these stupid fucking rats that can not only poison you, but gang up and knock you over the edge if you're not careful) that lead back to the bonfire--just one floor up. I had to kick down a ladder to reach the bonfire itself, but now I have a nice little shortcut to the spot under the bridge. It's kinda neat how intricate the map design is, as Flee and Luci have been telling me. I don't really care much for the graphic style itself--I find it kinda dull and generic, but the fact that everything is kinda tied up into a little bow is pretty nice.

Fuck those rats, though, oh my god. Once they poison you, you're fucked--you have to hightail it all the way back to your bonfire, unless you have some kind of antidote--which I don't. The merchant doesn't sell any, conveniently enough. Normally, antidotes are one of the first things you can purchase from merchants in any RPG, but not this one. How irritating. You just have to not get hit and block all their attacks--but even that's risky, because when they start ganging up on you, they can drain your stamina in seconds, and the push-back from their attacks can potentially knock you over the edge. It's not great.

So, after I got my shit together, I made it back to the Parish, and instead of taking on that big rhino... thing, I just ran away from him. There were other enemies, too, like the standard Hollow soldiers and archers peppered here and there. They're starting to resist my spear's strikes more and more, which is a shame (and no, it's not because my spear is degrading). I found a few Alluring Skulls, which is an item that's supposed to distract certain kinds of enemies. Probably only weaker ones, if I had to guess. I don't know if I care to waste an equipment slot over them.

At this point, though, I noticed I was above the rhino. He was just sitting there, wide open. Which is great, because I bought more Firebombs JUST for this sort of occasion. No fucks given. All he gave me was 500 souls, but at least he's dead for good. In retrospect, I probably should've found a less cheap way of killing him--because I'm sure he won't be the last rhino in the game, and now I don't have any knowledge of how to properly fight one now. Oh well.

The rest of the Parish was blocked off by a massive gate, and the only way around it was to go under. It was very dark down there, which made it a little hard to see what was going on, and it was infested by a bunch of Hollows (the mindless/weak/armorless variety). Why are they so hostile, anyway?

After making it out of there, I traversed another white light to find myself at the other side of the gate.


Fork in the road. Well, fork in the decrepit castle.

Forks are always scary--like crossing the street on a busy road for the first time, without your parents. If you go one direction, you basically have to commit to it--for all you know, there could be an enemy on both sides, and you'll be sandwiched. It's such a simple, but serious dilemma.

I chose the right side, and found a long corridor with a menacing figure standing at the end of it. His back was turned towards me--so I figured now would be a nice time to test out this backstabbing trick that I keep hearing people talk about. I walked slowly up to the figure, and stabbed him in the back--but it wasn't a backstab. Fuck.

Instantly, the figure turned around and started attacking--it was a knight, wielding what looked like a rapier. He was strong, but I could tell he wasn't elite. Still, at this point, I had no Estus, and my health was sitting at around 50%, so I was gonna lose this fight. I pushed on for the sake of learning his attack patterns.

After I fell, I knew I had to be careful--I lost 1500~ sould and some humanity in that fight, so I can't afford to fuck this recovery up. Making my way towards the knight again, I proceeded to get poisoned by the rats--three times in a goddamn row. And each and every time, I had to walk back to the bonfire and convalesce before I moved on. Because, remember--I have no way of curing poison right now.

I'm genuinely annoyed at this point, so I start getting reckless again. I take a look at my other weapons--Longsword. This is what everyone's been telling me to use, so I guess I'll use it.

...I don't like it. Not at all. It's so... boring, and it doesn't feel that much stronger than any of the weapons I have been using. I can't even use it in tight corners. What exactly is the appeal of this weapon? I kept it equipped on the off-chance that there's something I'm missing about it. It's possible, I guess.

So, I made it back to the rats for the fourth time--AND they ganged up on me and pushed me off the cliff oh my fucking god please just slather me with peanut butter and fuck me in the ass

Between the black knight, the rats, and this other knight dude who I need a better name for, I was stuck in this loop for quite a long time. I could see myself steadily getting worse and worse--because I was just trying to rush through. I know you're not supposed to do that--but really, having to sit down and patiently fight every enemy as properly as possible is very mentally draining. I get bored of it. Spear-holders always take so fucking long to attack you, and it SUCKS. That's kinda how all enemies in this game work, really. So far, anyway.

This knight dude was no exception. When I finally took him out, I was SO disappointed that the only thing he was guarding was just another plain-old shield--a "Knight Shield," whose stats are overall worse than my current shield. It just does a little bit more damage if I whack someone with it, but it has less magic defenses, which blows.

The path on the left led me to another fork between two narrow corridors--and I was correct in my earlier fears. In my attempt to look both ways, I noticed that both sides of the fork contained enemies. On the right, a weak soldier--on the left, another one of those hard knights. Great. I'm out of Estus, and I have 10% life, so... bring it?

Somehow, I managed to beat them both. The right path ended up being a dead-end, so I went the other way--which led to another fork in the road. Jeez. At this point, I'll spare you the minor details. I ended up choosing the wrong path that was guarded by even more of those tough knight enemies. I survived a Rasputin-level of shit, but ultimately, ended up biting the dust. I can't remember if I found anything worthwhile.

I chose the right side next time. I wish I knew castle terminology better, so I could describe half this shit--but basically, this place is fucking enormous. I visited what appeared to be some kind of altar--and promptly got the fuck out of that bitch, when I spotted this big-ass knight with a giant fucking mace. He was very, very slow, so punishing his whiffed strikes was simple enough to do with my Winged Spear. I wasn't doing enough damage, though, so I started Firebombing him instead. That did the trick.

So, enemies that momentarily flash white when they die don't respawn. I've gathered that much.

After that, I finally made it to the next bonfire--the one with the blacksmith chilling a couple flights below. Took me long enough, I suppose. After speaking with the blacksmith (who is a comically-buff old man), I noticed a door in his room. Going through it, I was greeted by a large demon that fired a big lightning ball at me. Uh, nope. Going back.

Upstairs led to the forest that everyone's been talking about, but it's blocked off right now. I'll probably be visiting it next time. Knowing this game, I'll probably have to slay that monster downstairs, whatever the fuck it is.

Current Stats

Verbatim								HP:	669/669							Poise:	0
Covenant:	None							Stamina:	93							Bleed Resist:	99
Level:	13							Equip Load:	20.1/45.0							Poison Resist:	97
Souls:	451							R Weapon 1:	97							Curse Resist:	30
Vitality:	13							R Weapon 2:	91							Item Discovery:	100
Attunement:	11							L Weapon 1:	68							Attunement Slots:	1
Endurance:	11							L Weapon 2:	20
Strength:	13							Physical Def.:	96(36)
Dexterity:	15							- VS strike:	100
Resistance:	12							- VS slash:	100
Intelligence:	11							- VS thrust:	96
Faith:	10							Magic DEF:	86(33)
Humanity:	0							Flame DEF:	103(37)
								Lightning DEF:	92(34)

Equipment

Right Hand:	Winged Spear, Longsword
Usable Item:	Estus Flask (5), Throwing Knife (15), Homeward Bone (4), Binoculars (1)
Left Hand:	Hollow Soldier Shield, Fists
Arrow:
Bolt:	Wood Bolt
Head:	Wanderer Hood
Chest:	Wanderer Coat
Hands:	Wanderer Manchette
Legs:	Wanderer Boots
Ring:	Tiny Being's Ring, Blue Tearstone Ring

Inventory

Consumables

Estus Flask (5)
White Sign Soapstone (1)
Cracked Red Eye Orb (4)
Black Separation Crystal (1)
Black Firebomb (1)
Throwing Knife (15)
Repair Powder (2)
Gold Pine Resin (2)
Lloyd's Talisman (4)
Alluring Skull (4)
Homeward Bone (4)
Binoculars (1)
Soul of a Lost Undead (7)
Large Soul of a Lost Undead (3)
Darksign (1)

Ores & Minerals

Titanite Shard (2)
Titanite Chunk (2)
Twinkling Titanite (2)

Keys & Tools

Repairbox (1)
Dungeon Cell Key (1)
Undead Asylum F2 East Key (1)
Big Pilgrim's Key (1)
Residence Key (1)
Mystery Key (1)

Maps(?)

Weapons & Shields

Shortsword
Longsword
Broken Straight Sword
Straight Sword Hilt
Zweihander
Scimitar
Morning Star
Spear
Winged Spear
Light Crossbow
Talisman
Caduceus Round Shield
Cracked Round Shield
Leather Shield
Wooden Shield
Hollow Soldier Shield
Knight Shield

Bolts & Arrows

Wood Bolt

Armors

Wanderer Hood
Wanderer Coat
Wanderer Manchette
Wanderer Boots
Hollow Warrior Helm
Hollow Warrior Armor
Hollow Warrior Waistcloth
Hollow Soldier Helm
Hollow Soldier Armor
Hollow Soldier Waistcloth

Rings

Tiny Being's Ring
Blue Tearstone Ring

TL;DR

I made it to the bonfire above the blacksmith's place.

that was a long and boring update i'm sorry

i'll try my best to keep them short from here on out

oh my fucking god please just slather me with peanut butter and fuck me in the ass

TBH you don't even need to kill the demon downstairs yet, you can just run past him. The forest is a pretty good area to grind, and you can farm antidotes there.

I just checked the manual and it turns out that a very useful move isn't listed in it, and you don't seem to have figured out how to do it; it might've been in the tutorial area but in case you missed it:

Spoiler

right bumber + left analog stick in the direction you want to attack = kick

Also you can learn the name of the knights if you:

Spoiler

pick up their armor

And later on you can buy antidotes, and they do drop from certain enemies.

By the way since the parish is where the game starts to open up, there's not really a correct order to progressing through it and the surrounding areas.

I just checked the manual and it turns out that a very useful move isn't listed in it, and you don't seem to have figured out how to do it; it might've been in the tutorial area but in case you missed it:

Spoiler

right bumber + left analog stick in the direction you want to attack = kick

Also you can learn the name of the knights if you:

Spoiler

pick up their armor

And later on you can buy antidotes, and they do drop from certain enemies.

By the way since the parish is where the game starts to open up, there's not really a correct order to progressing through it and the surrounding areas.

Oh, I knew how to kick--I just wasn't exactly sure what it was for. Maybe I could've used it to deal with the rats, I don't know. Doesn't it leave you kinda open?

I just checked the manual and it turns out that a very useful move isn't listed in it, and you don't seem to have figured out how to do it; it might've been in the tutorial area but in case you missed it:

Spoiler

right bumber + left analog stick in the direction you want to attack = kick

Also you can learn the name of the knights if you:

Spoiler

pick up their armor

And later on you can buy antidotes, and they do drop from certain enemies.

By the way since the parish is where the game starts to open up, there's not really a correct order to progressing through it and the surrounding areas.

Oh, I knew how to kick--I just wasn't exactly sure what it was for. Maybe I could've used it to deal with the rats, I don't know. Doesn't it leave you kinda open?

It only has one purpose and if you miss then you're exposed, but the tradeoff is that landing a kick opens up a new combat option.

The forest is a pretty good area to grind, and you can farm antidotes there.

It's also a good place to practice against more 'skillful' AI to prepare for Anor Londo and the silver knight ravaging of your noob anus.

Reaching a new bonfire is exciting and all, but it kinda sucks that I have nothing to show for it. I know it's just a few souls, and I can just gain it all back, but this game really eats up your time to extents I wasn't really anticipating.

Playing again.

Question: Is there a faster way to travel from bonfire to bonfire? Because that would suck if there isn't.

Reaching a new bonfire is exciting and all, but it kinda sucks that I have nothing to show for it. I know it's just a few souls, and I can just gain it all back, but this game really eats up your time to extents I wasn't really anticipating.

Playing again.

Question: Is there a faster way to travel from bonfire to bonfire? Because that would suck if there isn't.

Yes there is, but you get it about half way through the game, and it's limited in which ones you can travel to.

Yes there is, but you get it about half way through the game, and it's limited in which ones you can travel to.

Beats the hell out of nothing.

There's a bunch of shortcuts around that function quite well as quick transportation until you unlock the fast travel

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This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

The kick just does a large amount of stamina damage. It doesn't actually hurt enemies, but it can stagger them or break their defense. Try kicking one of the spear hollows you hate so much. See what happens when they're hiding behind their shield and you give them a good kick.

Ohhhh, nice. I'll try that out, thanks.

Yeah, I've got bad memories of the rats too. Tight corridor, no room for wide swings, yada yada.

I'll talk a little bit about hollows while I'm at it. The story on why the majority of hollows you see attack you, is because they're just that. Completely hollow.

In Dark Souls, humans marked with the curse whittle away over time. Not just physically, either. Their essence, whatever you want to call it, their soul, is eventually completely snuffed out, and you're left with a mindless body that only runs on basic instinct.

However, there's some spots in the game where you can find passive hollows.

And for reference, the bigger hollows with red capes? Those are Baldar Knights. I just like to call em' Red Capes though.

Red Cape works. Whatever differentiates them from black knights, in case anyone gets confused.

Great! Now you can scream out "The red capes are coming!" and it'll fit in perfect context.

Low key, rats are the best because they drop humanity.

Low key, rats are the best because they drop humanity.

Often?

Because I think everything does.

If they have a higher chance, I'm going to do some farming. I don't give a fuck.