Paragraphs would be nice.
Quote from: Yutaka on October 03, 2014, 05:40:03 PMParagraphs would be nice.Just a little bit of spacing between them might help too.
Quote from: Relatively Quiet on October 03, 2014, 05:41:32 PMQuote from: Yutaka on October 03, 2014, 05:40:03 PMParagraphs would be nice.Just a little bit of spacing between them might help too.Done.
Seems believable just needs to be fleshed out, like specifics on technology.
Maybe I just don't have good taste or a good head for writers, but to me, this seems, in a way, kind of dry. A bit like a dictionary. Although, like you said, it wasn't from a story standpoint. So in a way, this could be something that's talked about in class by a stuffy old teacher. In which case, you did a good job!
Pretty good, if you're just going for a quick background to a story.It needs some more fleshing out, but you definitely have an eye for it.
Quote from: Yutaka on October 03, 2014, 05:49:11 PMSeems believable just needs to be fleshed out, like specifics on technology.thisbut be careful if you delve too far into 'hard sci-fi' and you frack up the math/physics engineering you'll have people poking holes into every aspect that is tied to your slip.
Quote from: Yutaka on October 03, 2014, 05:49:11 PMSeems believable just needs to be fleshed out, like specifics on technology.Yeah. I already have ideas for some stuff, and the 2018 mars thing is based off a real mars mission being launched in 2018. However, I feel like going in-depth with, say, how the orbital tether was built would massively detract from the history aspect of it. Also, the main setting is the year 2702, with major events happening in the 2160's, 2300's and 2650's. As such, the 21st century is relatively undetailed when compared to the other dates in-universe.Quote from: Relatively Quiet on October 03, 2014, 05:47:44 PMMaybe I just don't have good taste or a good head for writers, but to me, this seems, in a way, kind of dry. A bit like a dictionary. Although, like you said, it wasn't from a story standpoint. So in a way, this could be something that's talked about in class by a stuffy old teacher. In which case, you did a good job!I've tried writing from a traditional narrative standpoint before but I get bored of only having one character's viewpoint when I can have ideas about hundreds of parts of one battle. I'm like Bungie; great at world building in terms of lore but the character stories are less than great. The style I've adopted here was kindof inspired from the Silmarillion and suits me better, as someone who wants to go through and detailevery aspect of a battle rather than one viewpoint.
Quote from: BaconShelf on October 03, 2014, 05:54:48 PMQuote from: Yutaka on October 03, 2014, 05:49:11 PMSeems believable just needs to be fleshed out, like specifics on technology.Yeah. I already have ideas for some stuff, and the 2018 mars thing is based off a real mars mission being launched in 2018. However, I feel like going in-depth with, say, how the orbital tether was built would massively detract from the history aspect of it. Also, the main setting is the year 2702, with major events happening in the 2160's, 2300's and 2650's. As such, the 21st century is relatively undetailed when compared to the other dates in-universe.Quote from: Relatively Quiet on October 03, 2014, 05:47:44 PMMaybe I just don't have good taste or a good head for writers, but to me, this seems, in a way, kind of dry. A bit like a dictionary. Although, like you said, it wasn't from a story standpoint. So in a way, this could be something that's talked about in class by a stuffy old teacher. In which case, you did a good job!I've tried writing from a traditional narrative standpoint before but I get bored of only having one character's viewpoint when I can have ideas about hundreds of parts of one battle. I'm like Bungie; great at world building in terms of lore but the character stories are less than great. The style I've adopted here was kindof inspired from the Silmarillion and suits me better, as someone who wants to go through and detailevery aspect of a battle rather than one viewpoint.I have a friend, that one day might like to meet you, if he ever comes back. When he does, I'm going to see if I can direct him here. He's talked to me, about a lot of things. And a lot of it was about how alone he felt, especially in regards to knowing fellow writers. He's given me stories, and I admit, I'm just not big into stories too much. But I know he'd probably be interested in what you have here. Keep in touch with this place, right?
Great stuff"2069"
Quote from: Sprungli on October 04, 2014, 04:28:30 PMGreat stuff"2069"That's 2,387 words on a century that is essentially irrelevant to modern lore. You can hopefully imagine the amount to write on the 2600's.
Quote from: BaconShelf on October 04, 2014, 05:13:11 PMQuote from: Sprungli on October 04, 2014, 04:28:30 PMGreat stuff"2069"That's 2,387 words on a century that is essentially irrelevant to modern lore. You can hopefully imagine the amount to write on the 2600's.I imagine that it must cross into the tens of thousands of words with ease
In whatever-year blah blah the something WOULD BE blah blah.
The first bit seems too...template-like.QuoteIn whatever-year blah blah the something WOULD BE blah blah.It reads like a prologue, but then it starts to delve into specifics. You need to pick one and either trim the fat to make it not as boring or scrape the info-introduction method and tell the story naturally.And that's another thing: You don't want to give all the history away at the beginning. This sort of stuff is perfect for dialogue between the main character and NPC's or just filler chatter. Be mysterious.