I believe I know the reason as to why Halo 4 is so bad.

You see, Rasputin, the evil wizard ass healer, went to 343 Studios one day because he felt like looking at asses. Earlier in the day, Frank O'Connor had a terrible accident. He was going for a stroll when he stumbled upon an amazing spectacle. Many people had gathered together to form a seven-mile-long spanking machine. Now, Frank did enjoy a good spanking, but this was extreme. So he decided to go snowboarding instead. He fell off the mountain and broke his ass. The doctors managed to glue and tape it back together from all the broken pieces. He was told that if there's another injury like this, it would result in his ass made of iron. He took note of this and proceeded with caution.

While walking back to the studios, he came across this spanking machine again. Frank was having a bad day and could really use the relief of a good spanking, so he decided to try it out. After about 1 mile, his skin was sore and after 3, his ass was bleeding. After about 2 more miles he was starting to work up quite a sweat and was very happy. After the last two miles, he was feeling great. As he approaches the final person to slap his ass, he fells the glue and tape fall off, but lucky for him, he had stapled his ass together. But what is this? The last person has staple-removers for hands! Having his ass being raw and bleedy with no skin, this would likely not end well.

Frank crawls towards the man, knowing it's too late to back out now. He crawls and crawls until SLAP! He took out quite a few staples with that slap, but his ass was still holding together. Barely, but it was. As he is crawling out, the crowd is ecstatic, as is Frank's spanked ass. As Frank pants with relief and joy, the final man congratulates him and gives him a congratulatory slap on the ass. This wrecks and removes all the staples left in Frank's ass.

Franks ass is failing, but barely holding itself together. Frank uses both hands and grabs both of his buttocks, but in his haste, he sticks a finger up his ass by accident, causing his finger to hit a detonator on a nuke that the doctor had secreted in his ass-blam!-. BOOM! But somehow he and the surrounding landscape was not harmed at all, however his ass was not so lucky. Frank O'Connor's ass had been completely decimated by the nuclear device hidden inside of his ass-blam!-. Needless to say, he was pretty butthurt.

After going to the doctor, he got the iron ass. Afterwards, he was airlifted to 343 Studios and was dropped in his office. Anyway, Rasputin, the evil, greedy, ass-wizard was passing by when he saw Frank's dilemma. After entering the office, he proceeded to tell Frank that he would like to help him, and Frank was willing to try anything to get out of this iron ass.

As Rasputin began the ritual, he said he may get an erection, as that happens to people who have people poking around in their ass. "MECCA-LECCA-HIGH, MECCA-SUPER-HIGH-ME, HO!" and whammo! Frank's ass had been fixed.

Frank was overjoyed. He danced around the room and started bouncing around the room on his new, fresh, ass-cheeks and thanked Rasputin. He was so happy, that he promised to grant Rasputin total control over his ass, and would pay him too.

"I just want money," Rasputin replied, "But I will take control of your ass, if you wish." Rasputin then placed a red star with a hammer and sickle inside of it on Franks ass. Frank then began to get to work on Halo 4, as Rasputin left with his girlfriend Tsarina.

Rasputin returned, many days later. He asked Frank how development on Halo 4 was going and Frank told him that it was going great. "We've been adding all of the greatest features," said Frank. "Equipment, Dual Wielding, and power-ups are all making a return," he said. "There are also going to be amazing Big-Team-Battle maps with much vehicular action, while still having a great amount of infantry fighting." "There's this also this one amazingly large map with two massive bases and very large middle ground. Pelicans, Warthogs, Ghosts, Elephants and more are all going to be in it, as well as many smaller bases and structures in the middle. This will also be accompanied by a 24 vs 24 game mode and the variants allow for Assault, CTF, and so much more!" Frank explained, giddy with excitement. "But how much money will I make?" Rasputin responded

"W-wah?" Frank said, baffled. "The money, you promised me a cut of the game profits, how much money will this make?" Rasputin further questioned him. "Well, it should be a massive hit with the Halo fans, aswell as some new people," explained Frank. "Some new fans?" Said Rasputin. "Mmm... Why make some new fans, when we can get everyone to buy this game!" "Well, that would be nice," said Frank "but how would we do that without compromising Halo's true feel and gameplay?" "Who said anything about not compromising Halo?" Rasputin said, careless of Halo and the franchise's quality. "What if we did what was popular and then used that to drawn in every generic 'gamer' and use the Halo franchise to keep all the ones we already have!"

Frank was now scared. This man who was in here and helped fix his ass is now trying to jeopardize Halo and its true nature. "Ummm..." Said Frank, as he sat there, thinking about what to do now. "What about the fans?" he asked. "What about them?" Rasputin replied. "We already have them and they are going to buy the game." Frank started to chime in again "Y-yes, but wouldn't it be a large slap in the face to all of them? Not to mention we'd be destroying one of the greatest console franchises of all time." "Oh, who cares about them? All that really matters is that you make a good game, you pay me a large sum of money!" exclaimed Rasputin.

Frank became angry. He knew if he didn't get this man out of his office, and his studios now, he may do something he'd later regret. "Rasputin!" Frank shouted. "I am done with this. You are a greedy bastard and are one appalling human being. Plus, I bet you have a dick so small, it's infinitesimal." Rasputin was now slightly annoyed. "Fine, if that's the way you wish to have it, I will just take matters into my own hands." The room began to darken, Rasputin's eyes began to turn red, he started to hove slightly. Frank was now wondering what the hell was going on. A whirlwind gusted around Rasputin as he seemed to grow in some sort of power, he took his ass-wizard staff and raised it in the air. Several beams of light shot out of it.

Frank's ass now started to feel weird. His cheeks seemed to start to spread, the hammer and sickle on his ass began to glow and burn, the gap between his two butt-cheeks began to widen, growing larger and larger. It started to grow over him, to consume him, to ingest him. At this point, Frank's ass has completely overtaken. Frank has literally become...
a giant -blam!-hole.

"Now go! Do as I command you. You WILL make all the money you can out of this game. Partner with food and drink companies if you must, I don't care," commanded Rasputin. And the Frankhole obeyed. He then erased all the work that they have done, even erasing some old custom games in the process. He even hired companies who worked on the CoD games that Frankhole was now trying to make Halo become. He removed Dual Wielding, Equipment, and even powerups, he added perks, Armor Abilities, and Killstreaks. He took away the art-style and ranking system, and replaced them with a sea of dull colors and emo-Photoshop realism, and even added skins. But he faced a problem. There weren't enough weapons, but this was no problem. He just took Forerunner weapons and made them do almost the exact same thing.

The Frankhole begame filling Halo with so much -blam!-, and Halo just sat there eating it. And as we all know, you are what you eat, and Halo just kept eating it. Halo has also began to transform, and the Frankhole has now turn Halo... into a -blam!-hole.

Rasputin laughed in triumph, as he rolled in the piles of cash that his creation has given him. So much money! He was so happy! Though he didn't like this era he was living in, and decided to go back in time and live in the Eighties. He decided that the whole wizard look was a bit too stupid, so he decided to transform himself into a normal person. He also didn't care much for the Americas and decided to go live somewhere else. Later on after moving into his new life with all his money, he started making music videos to get even more money. The result was this.

And that's the story of why Halo 4 is so bad. Maybe there is Hope. Maybe there is a lost daughter of Frank who still remains. Yes! Yes, I believe there is! I believe her name is Anastasia. Yes! It must be! Anastasia! Anastasia, please help us! Get the evil Rasputin to undo the spell on the Frankhole so he can start to make the remaining two Halo video games that are to be made, good!

K

I'm not reading that shit

It's Cortana's favorite.

This isn't original, I recall seeing this exact post on B.old.

I got about five words in and knew it wasn't worth reading the rest.