Between 7 billion human asses and countless bird, fish, and animal butts, our planet pumps out an ungodly amount of poop every day. Few of those turds—if any—are as valuable as the mysterious and rare fudge dragons dooked out by sperm whales.

In late January, a British man named Ken Wilman found a six-pound lump of sperm whale shit (also known as ambergris) while walking his dog on the beach. Afterward, a French dealer offered him $70,000 for what was, in all seriousness, a piece of crap. Wilman's story has a precedent. In 2012, an eight-year-old boy walking with his father along a beach in England found some sperm whale poo worth $63,000. Before that, in 2006, a couple in Australia came across a 32-pound log that reportedly netted them almost $300,000.

What the fuck is going on? What makes sperm whale ass ham so damn expensive?