What's the healthiest way to get over someone?

 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
I haven't had any heartbreaks recently to complain about, and it's been two years since my last one. Usually, I feel fine, able to talk/be with other girls no problem, picture myself with them, etc. and I don't really even consider my last relationship most days. But every once in awhile, I'll get a flashback that puts me right back into the position I used to be during or right after the events of the breakup. Could be a face I associate with that time or a bad dream, doesn't matter. When the feelings resurface though I end up being thrown back into this pit of self-loathing that I've spent 2 years climbing out of for a couple of days at a time.

I ask because I don't want to lose that time, nor do I want to have a crippling weakness like that. So, what's the healthiest way to deal with it? I think 2 years away from her and that situation and other romantic interests/new hobbies and goals are things I've already exhausted (and they were helpful, but not obviously 100% effective), so maybe try to get some sort of closure by talking to her? Or am I just telling myself that in an attempt to see her again.

It's worth noting that with previous relationships, I've been able to completely sever ties with the person and that's been effective, but that's not really feasible with this one. I have good friends that are close to her situation so she's always bound to come up in conversation casually.

If the answer is just to soldier on and deal with it, that's fine, but psychologically I don't want this baggage with me all the time and I just don't think that's the best option.

I realise what kind of position I put myself in with a thread like this but I figured if even one person has something insightful to say it'd probably be worth it.
Last Edit: May 27, 2018, 04:24:31 PM by Eli


 
Jono
| Future Nostalgia
 
more |
XBL: HundredJono
PSN: HundredJono
Steam: hundredjono55
ID: Jono
IP: Logged

18,523 posts
Goodness gracious, great balls of lightning!
Revenge Fap


Chakas | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Chakas
IP: Logged

2,576 posts
I like hugs and making the world a better place. That and guns. Lots and lots of guns.
I don't have any advice to give. Just don't indulge in anything unhealthy to get your mind off of them. Keep it simple. Learn a new hobby. Basic carpentry is a good start. No one can go wrong with learning how to build a workbench. I mean who doesn't need another work bench? I wish I had 3 more.


 
challengerX
| custom title
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: challengerX
IP: Logged

42,282 posts
I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


🂿 | Mythic Unfrigginbelievable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Decimator Omega
IP: Logged

22,325 posts
 
Stay busy, do something different. Try new shit.

Revenge Fap

That was 4 years ago, I no longer feel this way.


Ian | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Gaara444
IP: Logged

9,264 posts
Signature goes here.
My counselor told me time and space would be the best option, and then told me to continue doing what I've been doing and avoid my last heartbreak. Unfortunately one of my managers had other ideas and stuck me in a room with her and told us to resolve this issue or there would be consequences for the both of us.

The point I'm trying to make is always take time and space because you may not always have that option.


Genghis Khan | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Karjala takaisin
IP: Logged

2,059 posts
 
Super male vitality.


The Hån | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: The Han
IP: Logged

2,857 posts
does this stuff even work?
with me, just understanding in the grand scheme of things the relationship didn't matter.  In life you're going to constantly move forward if you want to or not. you're going to end up being so far beyond that point of reflection at some point. I just dont want to say "time is the answer" but it really does help. Given your situation you seem to be around her associates a lot. so i can kinda relate. It's just a matter of being at peace with yourself and being able to accept the situation.


Jive Turkey | Mythic Invincible!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Jive Turkey
IP: Logged

7,011 posts
 
U need to fall in love with someone else

You’re not over her because your brain is being reminded of her and you were never REALLY over her, just got her out of your head enough. Reminded through dreams/friends/imagination

Contact her if you’d like, nothing wrong with that. But prepare for the worst if you’re gonna do that, just so you don’t feel like you’re back in the same place because you can never really move backwards. Would be interesting to interact with eachother after 2 years, and manage things differently thanks to your new confidence/skills/mentality.

Life’s short man and people we really connect with don’t come around as often as we’d like. You already know what you want to do anyways


Desty | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DTEDesty
IP: Logged

10,636 posts
 
I read somewhere that if you're thinking about getting into contact; don't. So I tried that for a long time, and then one day I stumbled onto this person, but they had moved on, kinda. It felt like the hole that yearned for her got filled, and when I left I left feeling like there were no more feelings, no empty hole whenever I thought about her. Even now I don't think about her, so I think that's the best scenario. Say we'd get together and marry and have children, what's to prevent the first problem from resurfacing? That's the risk, so moving on mentally is better, but to ignore those feelings won't make them go away permanently- they'll just resurface now and then. Best case scenario would be to stop having feelings for her, and you can only do that through seeing her

Last Edit: May 27, 2018, 10:04:42 AM by Desty


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DietrichSix
IP: Logged

11,878 posts
Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Yeah, honestly it's best to just get involved with someone else. I was stuck on a girl for like 7 years and it wasn't until my most recent ex that I finally rewired my brain. I don't know if it's just cause I'm older now or what, but I haven't felt that lonely since.

Tbh tho I'd probably still freeze up if I saw her again.


 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
Anyways if you feel like there's something unresolved and she's open to talking then I guess go for it. But it could be a really messy situation and maybe even make things worse. Personally I feel like no matter how it ended, it's over. There's nothing left to talk about or fix, just leave her in the past even if she's still around in your life. She doesn't matter anymore.

I don't feel like there's a high chance of it making worse. We never really got "closure" and I am mostly over her (I've seen pics and videos on social media and remember thinking to myself "I feel absolutely nothing, and that's awesome." I don't want to be with her, I don't think we'd be good together. She really doesn't matter, but I don't want these, I guess, "flashbacks" ruining my routines every couple of months.


 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
U need to fall in love with someone else

You’re not over her because your brain is being reminded of her and you were never REALLY over her, just got her out of your head enough. Reminded through dreams/friends/imagination

i just don't think that's true. i've been with other girls romantically and felt some spark (not true love or anything but definitely romantic feelings), i haven't just been "sleeping around" in an attempt to get over her. there's actually a girl at work i'm talking to right now and if i was as naive as i used to be about women i'd probably be head over heels for her. i do feel like i'm over her. like i said to challenger, i've seen pics/videos of her on instagram and stuff and remember genuinely thinking to myself "Wow, I feel nothing. That's awesome."

i really tried to get her out of my head but like i said my friend group is kinda involved with her so it was more difficult than it could have been. i had to just focus on other things and i felt like i genuinely came to the point where i'm no longer into her. 29/30 days of the month i feel nothing. one bad dream flashback and it's like K.O. for a day or two.

Quote
Contact her if you’d like, nothing wrong with that. But prepare for the worst if you’re gonna do that, just so you don’t feel like you’re back in the same place because you can never really move backwards. Would be interesting to interact with eachother after 2 years, and manage things differently thanks to your new confidence/skills/mentality.

what's the worst case scenario?


 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
I don't have any advice to give. Just don't indulge in anything unhealthy to get your mind off of them. Keep it simple. Learn a new hobby. Basic carpentry is a good start. No one can go wrong with learning how to build a workbench. I mean who doesn't need another work bench? I wish I had 3 more.

this reads like a raimi post.


 
TB
| Hero of the Wild
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: TBlocks
IP: Logged

17,409 posts
#13
I don't have any advice to give. Just don't indulge in anything unhealthy to get your mind off of them. Keep it simple. Learn a new hobby. Basic carpentry is a good start. No one can go wrong with learning how to build a workbench. I mean who doesn't need another work bench? I wish I had 3 more.

this reads like a raimi post.
You ever learn the proper form for noose tying son?


 
challengerX
| custom title
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: challengerX
IP: Logged

42,282 posts
I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


Mmmmm Napalm | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Mmmmm Napalm
PSN: KeeblerElvesYaoi
Steam: KeeblerElvesYaoi
ID: Mmmmm Napalm
IP: Logged

6,198 posts
gurb
Build a shrine to them in your room


Super Irish | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: Superirish19
PSN: Superirish19
Steam: Superirish19
ID: Super Irish
IP: Logged

6,040 posts
If I'm not here, I'm doing photography. Or I'm asleep. Or in lockdown. One of those three, anyway.

The current titlebar/avatar setup is just normal.
I dunno if it's the healthiest way, but I see mine around every new year's or so and we have a grand old time in the pub.

We talk about things, albeit the topic never revolves around our current/lack of relationships, and we say our goodbyes to the catchup with some garlic bread from the local takeaway. Before then, the first 6 months where we shared the same friends, I was mostly ignoring it and getting very drunk at parties.

I wouldn't exactly say I'm over her, and it still sucks what happened, but we both have different people to love now. Just recognise that the love you had is gone and the next one will be just as great, but different.

I can tell you thinking about "What would be?" is definitely a bad idea. Don't do that.


 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
I can tell you thinking about "What would be?" is definitely a bad idea. Don't do that.

I don't know about that. Maybe on some level, but on most I'm pretty much glad things turned out the way I did. She was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of getting my life in order (albeit after a period of making things worse in every way.) I don't think much of her anymore.

Wanting to meet up to me feels like

a) the final straw in realising just how over her I really am

and

b) getting this nonsense out of my head by getting closure


MyNameIsCharlie | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: MyNameIsCharlie
IP: Logged

7,800 posts
Get of my lawn
Have you considered killing prostites that look like her?


Big Boss | Mythic Card Master
 
more |
XBL: Badman Kakarot
PSN: GurrenSwagann
Steam:
ID: Big Boss
IP: Logged

14,001 posts
Jacob Potila was actually a Jacob Flotilla of lies.- WarTurkey
I wish I knew myself. I still see things or hear things that can trigger memories, shit as simple as seeing something on a shelf in the shop that we bought, and it puts me into the shittiest mood. I hope you get out of it because it's crap.


 
gats
| alo
 
more |
XBL: goooots
PSN:
Steam: goootsby
ID: Gatsby
IP: Logged

19,383 posts
You will find out who you are not a thousand times, before you ever discover who you are. I hope you find peace in yourself and learn to love instead of hate.
Stop being a soylent drinking little bitch for a start haha


 
Elai
| Gay Tupac
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Prehistoric
IP: Logged

19,072 posts
male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
It turned out to be an exceptionally good idea. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That isn't to say I'm necessarily "over her," but the last two years have made me sort of an expert in getting used to the idea of not being with her, so it's not so bad. After I got through all the mushy stuff we just hung out, laughed a lot, got caught up on the things we missed from each other's lives (she was not impressed with my goth phase) and after I dropped her off, it really felt more like I had just had a fun night with an old friend. I feel like I'm in a much better spot with all of this.


 
challengerX
| custom title
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: challengerX
IP: Logged

42,282 posts
I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


 
Hahahaha very funny Zonda
| p o l l o
 
more |
XBL: banjo my honey
PSN:
Steam: BanjoKazooie
ID: ねこ
IP: Logged

18,726 posts
RIP ENDIE
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.