Well, it's here
No more having to deal with my faggotness anymore

Before you proceed any further I will warn you that I'm going to dive a bit into the selfish self pity round for a bit
Why? Because I'm selfish and it makes me feel good I guess

I once thought I could be something in life but recent events transpired that made me look at life and myself very differently
I tell myself that they're just teenage hormones which is the truth but they still manage to crush me in the end anyways
Between the divorce, move, and my own development as a person, I do not have high hopes for the future
The things that have happened has made my self loathing and bleak outlook for life unbearable
Things are changing

I'm arrogant, selfish, and probably mentally ill
It's horrible because I did it to myself
No one to blame but me
If there is no one to blame, I suppose I shouldn't be whining on the internet but I suppose it makes me feel better pretending that someone is reading this and caring
In recent times, I've tried to become less materialistic and less artificial but I just can't win against myself
The worst thing is that I can see these things about myself
I wish I was blind to my own evils but I can't

But now that life has forced me to look beyond myself, I find myself crying more at night
I've been so selfish only complaining about myself and not seeing the pain of others
I tell myself there are people in worse places than me and that helps me get through the day but that is no longer helping
My poor mom is suffering because of me and I cry because I won't stop it

So I guess that's why I'm so immature and love animated movies and things I really shouldn't be loving
They provide me with my escape
The world that Frozen and every other fantasy animated children's movies occupy are so beautiful and innocent that I want to live in that
I want to escape this world and spend the rest of my life somewhere like that
I envy children and the things their brains allow them to believe
That's why I try to resemble them as much as possible
So I'm sorry for spreading my fantasies all over you guys but like I said, I am selfish and want to feel good

Why do I take the internet so seriously?
Because it's not real life
I like the concept of not having responsibilities and having that false love so many have
I like it because you don't know me in real life so I can be whatever I want
I can have fun that I'm not allowed in real life
Here, I'm allowed anything all of the time
But I suppose all good things must end

Now many of you know me from b.net and I followed you here to find comfort
I take the things you say very seriously because I'm too cowardly to be serious in real life
The things said on the internet hurt me even when I tell myself it's harmless
These forums are one of the few joys I have left in my life which is why I've tried so hard to make it work
I hate myself for finding joy in things I find on the internet

I suppose you have grown tired of hearing this or I suppose I should thank you for those who made it this far
I know I'm not a good writer
I'm trying

So to the point, this relationship isn't working
I'm not feeling anything positive from this
Even worse, you guys aren't benefiting from this
I'm sorry for making you put up with my bullshit

So I guess it's best for all of us if I leave

So please
Call me a faggot, bitch, retard, overly sensitive, or whatever you need to say to help you rid yourself of me

I'm sorry

?

wat

Heyo. We can't be perfect amigo. Everybody has fuck ups. Sometimes, you can't avoid them either. They're the manifestations of your upbringing and experiences. How could you change when all you know is what you've learned from day one?

Point is, there's no toxicity from you. And you're feeling shitty. What about? I can take a guess, but I need some more definition here. So. Not that we can exactly. But sit down. Let's talk. Here and now. Or if you feel like it, privately.

What's riding on your shoulders? Like I said. We all bugger up some days. We're not infalliable. So. Say something back here.

Take what you gotta say, and let the words make themselves. I'm listening, always. And I'll do more than listen, if you talk.

I'm just confused right now......

Quote from: BC on December 16, 2014, 06:00:36 PM

Im so fucking confused right now

AYYYYYYYYYYY

LMAOOOOO

Let's take a look at things here amigo. You're obviously not feeling good. I don't know why, because I don't know you. I really don't. But this thread was made for a reason.

If it had no reason, you wouldn't have made it, and gone through the effort of typing it up. So. Why'd you type this up? What do all people fundamentally like, even if it's only in very small outputs?

Attention. So, what comes with attention? Focus. "Look at me."

Why?

Why "Look at me?"

Because you're hurt, in pain. And you're alone for it. You mention a divorce. I don't know how old you are but a quick check says you're 28. You say you've got a childish attachment. I still can't pin it down whether it's a divorce on your end or a divorce involving parents. Either way, neither on of them is nice.

So, either way we look at it, it's something heavily personal on your end. And you're alone to deal with it now so you typed this all up because you want attention to focus on you.

Attention isn't bad. Because what does attention give us?

Attention makes us feel happy. When you receive it it boosts you. Because it's a good feeling to know that somebody out there is aware of you. And even more so, self pity is likely to attract more sympathetic attention.

The bottom line here is, something just exploded on your end and you're aware of reality now.

However, at the same time, you're not. You're aware of your reality. But things are never so clear cut.

So let me tell you right now that talking can help. And it's not hard. Know why? Because you made that post up there. You just unchained something in your system.

If you did it once, you can do it again. So, talk to me.

And you're going to reflect this. You're going to avoid it and pass it off, aren't you? You're going to reflect it back on yourself and you're going to mark yourself out as a person not worth talking to because you've made mistakes.

Well, fight that. Talk to me. Set everything loose and I'll talk back. I'll do more than that. I'll show you things you don't see. It's not ever completely your fault. It never is. And most of all, you can always fix things. There's always a way out.

So. Here's the deal. Any day. Any time. You talk, and if I see it, if I'm here, I'll talk to you. Because you want to talk. You just did. So lets sit down and sort things out.

Because you should know, that yes, there are people out there with worse problems.

But the feeling is the same. The feeling of hurt, and sad, self pity, self loathing, and utter, complete defeat at the hands of something you can't fight or change feels the same from person to person.

So your problem isn't as small as you make it out to be because it affects you the same way my own problems effect me.

You want to sit down and talk with me? Anytime. I'll be here, and you have my attention now.