Lemon was slumped on the living room couch of his London town house, a cup of freshly brewed tea sitting on a coaster next to him. His wife had said that she would be out shopping most of the day, and so Lemon was eager to catch up on a little bit of me-time.

With an assertive "On", the wall in front of him illuminated and displayed a TV menu. With a few hand motions he scrolled down and selected "Netflix".

Just then, there came a ring from his doorbell, and a second window popped up on his wall, displaying the view outside his front door. Standing there was a tall, muscular man, sporting a slight tan and wearing expensive, designer apparel. Parked in the background was a rather exotic looking luxury sports car.

"Ugh, what does this bloke want?" Lemon said quietly to himself, and got up to answer the man at the door.


"Yes?" he said to the athletic figure now standing in front of him.


Without saying a word, the man punched Lemon square in the jaw, causing him to stumble backwards and fall over.

"Wha-what the fuck are you doing, mate?!" Lemon spat, a small amount of blood trickling from his mouth.

The man began walking towards Lemon. "I warned you, bruh. I told you not to fucking make fun of my gains," he said in a low voice, and before Lemon could get back on his feet, he kicked him back down.

"I'm making 250k a week cause I'm so fuckin' jacked, you little British shit! I'm swimming in a literal ocean of pussy!" he shouted. He grabbed the defenseless Lemon by his shirt and threw him against the nearest wall. He collapsed once again, and while he was still on the ground, his assailant promptly picked him back up. The two were now looking each other dead in the eye.

"This is what perfection looks like, motherfucker."

With a quick snap of the neck, Lemon now lay dead in his own foyer. His killer stood over him, grinning smugly. From his pocket he pulled out a folded slip of paper with a picture of Lemon as well as two other men, one Persian looking and the other, vaguely homosexual looking. He took out a pen from his shirt pocket, and crudely X'd out the photo of Lemon.

Oh

k den

I can dig it


The more I read this the funnier it gets lmao

Lmao, this is what i wake up to. Love you, Ember.

His wife

this is the most unbelievable part of the story

I got a blank space baby


And I'll write your name

Keep in it pg13

And I have a big penis Fuck you

ITT: sick ass burns

Ember should be the official Sep7agon scribe.

I'll get Cheat on the horn.

Wow