Ulker was eating his second lunch at the food court when he saw it. Across the room, walking through the food court were two men holding hands. This enraged Ulker. Ulker hated homosexuals more than anything in the world. If he couldn't find love with a woman, why should some fag find love with a man? There were few things in the world that he would let interrupt his meals, and this was one of them. He dropped his McRib sandwich down onto his plate, and struggled to stand up. It took a few tries, but he was finally able to push himself out of his chair and onto his feet. He adjusted his badge, making sure that it was straight, and then he boarded his segway. He turned on the segway's flashers, and started towards them.

“Weee-ooooh! Weee-ooooh! Weeee-oooooh!” he cried. The mall couldn't afford actual sirens for its security staff, so this would have to do.

He drove through the crowded food court and was able to cut the trio off right before the exit. He turned off his segway and carefully stepped off it, taking care not to lose his balance. After catching his breath, he looked at the couple and snarled.

“How dare you bring that perversion into my mall? I should have you faggots arrested for this!” he said.

“What are you talking about, fatass?” said Casper. “We aren't doing anything wrong. And even if we were, you're just a fat sack of shit mall cop. What could you do about it?”

It was true. He was a fat mall cop. He was always a bit pudgy, but after failing his police academy exam twenty-seven consecutive times, he slipped into a deep depression in which he used food as a coping mechanism. He weighed close to 600 pounds, now. He was right on the edge of his segway's capacity, and he had to sign a paper promising to pay for a new one if his weight broke it.

Ulker, still huffing from the 50 foot segway ride, snarled once more and actually charged at Casper. Because of his weight, though, he wasn't able to move very fast, and Casper simply stepped out of the way. Ulker tumbled past him and fell onto his stomach. As he struggled to push himself off of the floor, the trio broke out into laughter.

“I guess everyone on Sep7agon was right. You really are a fat loser!” Autismo exclaimed.

“He is, isn't he.” Casper rustled Autismo's hair and gave his Digger a slap on the ass.

As the three walked away from the crumpled mass of gyrating fat on the ground, Autismo smiled to himself. While what happened to me was awful, he thought, it certainly could have been worse. He looked forward to sharing his experiences on the forums later that night.

For now, though, he was content to enjoy the company of his two new friends as they walked back to Casper's car, and towards the setting sun.