This is the part that hurt me the most, I know she's moved on and is well within her rights to do whatever she wants, but fucking hell the thoughts and imagery of it just really fucking bother me. Every day, it seems to just pop into my head at random, instantly killing my mood and usually makes me lose my appetite.
What reasons did she list as to why it wouldn't work out?QuoteThis is the part that hurt me the most, I know she's moved on and is well within her rights to do whatever she wants, but fucking hell the thoughts and imagery of it just really fucking bother me. Every day, it seems to just pop into my head at random, instantly killing my mood and usually makes me lose my appetite.I'm sorry that happened to you. I felt the same way for months after my last relationship. I can tell you what I did wasn't exactly healthy, but it worked.Stay strong, buddy. You're a good guy.
Have you seen any new girls during this time? It's good you're not talking for now. What I personally think you need to do first is erase everything about her from your life, for the time being. Photos, texts, facebooks, physical stuff, clothing. Destroy, delete, or put it in a box and hide it away. They will only remind you of her even MORE than your brain is already making you think of it and that's not going to do you any good. Right now you're in a nightmare basically and you're going to be stuck in it for a while. Time to make the most out of what you can. More on this later I'm gonna shower brb
Its hard but you really have to try to date other girls
I'm not great at explaining things so sorry if it makes no sense. These past weeks I've been feeling pretty shitty and don't know what to do. I'm not thinking of killing myself or anything so you'll be stuck with me for a while.So I dated this girl for three years, my first ever relationship. It was good, but it was long distance. Alongside the difficulties of trying to manage that, there were also emotional issues involved but I'd rather not get into that because I think she'd rather me not. Anyway, I was madly in love and thought everything was perfect until we broke up in February. You'd think moving on would be easy, but fucking hell it isn't. We didn't talk for a while until about last month, when we started chatting again. Obviously I was still in love but she'd clearly moved on and made the point clear that it wouldn't work out again, being the way we were. Maybe I was being dumb and hopeful, but I really did think we could work out again and remained optimistic. Despite her being friendly, it was clearly one sided and I wasn't getting anywhere. Sometime towards the end of June, she went on a date with some guy and had sex. This is the part that hurt me the most, I know she's moved on and is well within her rights to do whatever she wants, but fucking hell the thoughts and imagery of it just really fucking bother me. Every day, it seems to just pop into my head at random, instantly killing my mood and usually makes me lose my appetite. Just makes me feel so damn empty, it's jealousy but it hurts so much to think about.I'm trying to move on and I just keep thinking about it. It makes me feel ill. What can I do? The thought of hurting myself VERY briefly entered my mind once or twice but I decided against it because I really don't want to do that.Just... hurts, y'know? Sometimes I just can't stop thinking about it. We're not talking anymore either, I just have to move on but it's hard. I try to distract myself but sometimes it just doesn't work. I don't know what to do. I don't even know fully why I posted it here, just getting it off my mind I guess? Fucking sucks, what a horrible way to feel.
Its takes a while but you just have to keep on keeping onIts hard but you really have to try to date other girls
Quote from: Jive Turkey on July 23, 2017, 05:32:54 PMHave you seen any new girls during this time? It's good you're not talking for now. What I personally think you need to do first is erase everything about her from your life, for the time being. Photos, texts, facebooks, physical stuff, clothing. Destroy, delete, or put it in a box and hide it away. They will only remind you of her even MORE than your brain is already making you think of it and that's not going to do you any good. Right now you're in a nightmare basically and you're going to be stuck in it for a while. Time to make the most out of what you can. More on this later I'm gonna shower brbI've been trying to talk to other girls, but I'm afraid that I'm only doing it to make myself feel better, and that feels like I'm using the girls for my own means.
Quote from: Jive Turkey on July 23, 2017, 05:32:54 PMHave you seen any new girls during this time? It's good you're not talking for now. What I personally think you need to do first is erase everything about her from your life, for the time being. Photos, texts, facebooks, physical stuff, clothing. Destroy, delete, or put it in a box and hide it away. They will only remind you of her even MORE than your brain is already making you think of it and that's not going to do you any good. Right now you're in a nightmare basically and you're going to be stuck in it for a while. Time to make the most out of what you can. More on this later I'm gonna shower brbI don't think this is the correct mindset. Destruction or anger at the feeling doesn't help you grow or accept that you're feeling that way. It's fine to be sad after a breakup, it's totally natural. The best thing to do is to accept that it happened, accept how it happened, and accept that there's nothing anyone can do about the past.As a general rule acceptance is the best coping strategy anyone can utilize. It allows the person to come to terms with what has happened and doesn't push using other, temporary ways, to dull pain. The ideal scenario is that after a certain amount of time he'll accept what happened and no longer feel overly sad when faced something that reminds him of her which in turn will make him stronger and more resilient in the future. There's also no need to exaggerate or downplay what occurred.
Quote from: The Lord Ruler on July 23, 2017, 05:58:19 PMIts takes a while but you just have to keep on keeping onIts hard but you really have to try to date other girlsYeah it doesn't work like that.Not everyone can just willy nilly start dating other girls. That shit has to come naturally between two people.
Quote from: The Lord Ruler on July 23, 2017, 05:58:19 PMIts hard but you really have to try to date other girlsi don't understand how this helps at all lmaoit's never helped me, it just desensitises you to romance.
Quote from: Prehistoric on July 23, 2017, 06:10:14 PMQuote from: The Lord Ruler on July 23, 2017, 05:58:19 PMIts hard but you really have to try to date other girlsi don't understand how this helps at all lmaoit's never helped me, it just desensitises you to romance.You move on and learn that you can love other womenYou realize that the love you had for the other woman may not seem as strong as it was and it just fades outI mean you just seem like a naturally pessimistic guy so yeah id see why you'd think like that
Quote from: The Lord Ruler on July 23, 2017, 09:31:04 PMQuote from: Prehistoric on July 23, 2017, 06:10:14 PMQuote from: The Lord Ruler on July 23, 2017, 05:58:19 PMIts hard but you really have to try to date other girlsi don't understand how this helps at all lmaoit's never helped me, it just desensitises you to romance.You move on and learn that you can love other womenYou realize that the love you had for the other woman may not seem as strong as it was and it just fades outI mean you just seem like a naturally pessimistic guy so yeah id see why you'd think like thatwhat does my pessimism have to do with the ultimately empty feeling you get from meaningless sex with random women when youre pining over someone else
Besides everything? Who's talking about sex? Im talking about moving on.
Of course it's gonna feel like empty, meaningless sex because you're a pessimistic guy that won't allow himself to move on and are stuck on this one girl
When is dating=sex?
Thats your problem right there by associating the two and having meaningless sex instead of trying to just date other girls and learning to love again
Whatre you trying to argue here?
the two go hand in hand
when someone is ready to love again, they'll know. you can't learn to love someone in that way. at best, you just like them a lot.
i'm arguing that wasting your time
with women when you should be going through some of the most intense introspection
you'll ever experience is not valid advice, because ultimately you're not ready to move on yet and you can't force it.
at the end of the experience you'll just be left feeling either a) empty, because you had sex with them and it meant nothing,
or b) like you wasted your time and you're reminded that the girl you spent time with isn't the one you want.
eventually -- eventually -- it's a good idea to get back out there and go on dates,
even with girls you're not thrown back by, but only when you can picture yourself with other women. in my experience, it usually takes half the length of the relationship, but it's not an exact science obviously.
jive's elaboration on making friends with girls is actually pretty good, but i don't think you share his sentiments.
i don't really know where you get off talking about my experiences though, as if you know anything but the the vaguest of outlines
This is a cancerous mindset and you're only hurting yourself thinking like this
yes you can. If you're just sitting around waiting for your feelings to just cease and new love to just prosper, you're keeping yourself from being able to move on and neither will ever happen.
Read into your own pessimism, its wasted time because you believe it to be wasted time because it isn't with the "one true love" you have to see it has a new, exciting road to travel
if you aren't doing both you're missing out on your own self revelations of what you what and what you feel.
and how do you know you're ready until you try? Or do you just wait for, what? Just stirring in your feelings isn't going to help yhe process at all.
woah so dont have sex with them
^pessimism thats holding you back from finding new love
thats what ive been saying
You just wanna wait for things to happen but what did that get?The girl you "loved" got fingerbanged on the couch above you after you graciously saved her from the popoYou gotta walk up the stairs jus sitting on the bottom aint gonna get you anywhere
there's nothing exciting about being with a woman you don't want to be with. it's like having dinner with some random dude you don't give a shit about. what's exciting about that.
you know you're ready when you know you're ready. same way you know you're hungry. it's not that complicated.
it's not pessimism, it's being emotionally honest with yourself
okay, but he's not at that point, yetso are we in agreement or what