Sandtrap

Maxine | Posting Frenzy
 
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rest in peace, truly saddening news.

I wish I'd known him better. at least we both knew each other as the only two dudes in the Bungie community from little old Saskatchewan. we've driven on the same roads, been to the same towns, it's different then most of the users that have never even heard of the entire province I live in...

for all I know he coulda been in the hospital in Saskatoon where I live, I dunno. a lot of people from the country end up there for treatment.

I'm truly sad to see him go.


 
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Goodness gracious, great balls of lightning!
I never knew him personally like others but it is sad to see him go as he impacted a lot of people on Sep7 and Bnet.


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Considering I mostly lurk here, I never really had any interaction with him, but I appreciated his more serious/level-headed/mature presence.

He seemed like a good guy, may he rest in peace.


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gurb
Oh...


Well this sucks
I want to apologize for this post. It struck me that my post comes across as extremely apathetic and that's not what I intended, I just didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say.

I won't lie, I didn't know him well at all. I didn't have any experiences or interactions with him like some people here are recounting, and I am sorry I never did. He sounds like a loyal and kind soul, and my thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends.




 
Verbatim
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I think I've finally managed to put some words together.

People have been sharing PMs from Sandtrap in memoriam. I wish I could do the same, but almost every conversation I've had with him through private messages has been too personal to share. We trusted each other perhaps a little more than two guys on the Internet should. He's taken a couple of my secrets to the grave, so I intend to take his to mine.

That said, like a few other people, I took him for granted. I wasn't always receptive to his requests for late night convos--half the time (I wanna say), I'd tell him that I was "too busy." Too busy what? Masturbating and shitposting, telling some kid he's a dumbass for liking anime? I really couldn't have spared 10 minutes having a meaningful conversation with this guy, just because he's a little long-winded? Am I that much of a selfish piece of shit?

Apparently, because every time I did engage with Sandy on any subject, it was always meaningful. I always had something to take away. Even if I disagreed with his perspective on something, I respected his ability to articulate it in such an agreeable fashion. As someone who likes butting heads with people, I never felt any compulsion to do so with him--in part because I knew he was going through a hard enough time without me, and because he was a genuinely kind and understanding person who I wouldn't dream of upsetting.

We talked a lot about his cancer, too--which unsettled me intensely, because it was like watching an hourglass. I talked a little bit about suffering and powerlessness in Meta's last Serious thread, and Sandtrap was definitely in mind when I posted that. I hate problems that you can't solve--it's so infinitely distressing to me.

That said, knowing how much he suffered--and, of course, I don't. I haven't the faintest idea, so let me wheel back and say something more accurate. Having been given so many personal accounts of his suffering through these private conversations, it's immensely relieving to know that he'll never have to experience it again.

And, perhaps--depending on how death works, because I've never claimed to know--we could end up having that coffee table discussion about Dark Souls he always wanted after all.

Rest in peace, friend.


 
Elai
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male, he/him

dracula can eat my whole ass!
i remember at one of my lowest points, i was venting about my life in one of my late-night depressive threads. a lot of people took advantage of my moment of weakness to hurt me, as was deserved, but sandtrap shut them all down. he noticed how fundamentally broken i was and stood up for me. he took our conversation into private and we talked weekly for several months. helped me process my situation and even move past it to where i'm at now. it's hard to describe the level of honesty i had with him... he was distant and trustworthy enough to be completely honest with, almost like a personal jesus you can lay your sins down on. and losing that (the first time) was extremely difficult to cope with. it's not any easier now.

i became a little skeptical of his situation, i won't lie -- at one point, i got an email claiming he was dead, only to see him posting again under another account a few months later. after that i started talking with him less... which i now regret. i always wanted to fly out to see him, but i just never got the nerve to ask him where he was staying or any other basic information. i felt like it would have made it too real.


 
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The Rage....
i read this thread while listening to music and it went to sad shit. WHY GOD? SANDTRAP I HOPE YOU ARE OVERLOOKING US. YOU DONT DESERVE THIS FATE AND NEVER DID YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD


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🦈🦈🦈
well, that just ruined my week. I really liked sandtrap, he's always been one of my favourite users, even far back in the reach forum/Flood days on B.old. I can't think of anyone with a more laid back level headed demeanor than him. his input on any topic was always a good read, though I will admit, I did sometimes skim read his posts cause he'd drag it on maybe a little too much.

we used to talk more back on Bnet, I didn't know how bad his position was until just recently, but now I feel like shit and regretting that I never shot him a PM to see how he was holding up.

farewell sandtrap. we will all meet again, some day
Last Edit: April 06, 2017, 02:03:12 AM by Boomdeyadah


R o c k e t | Mythic Smash Master
 
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I neither fear, nor despise.
He hit me up a few months ago, i think november. I noticed he aluded to being one handed and what not in some vague posts. I asked him how he had been and he said I probably wouldn't like the details, but he hoped I was doing well.

Sandtrap posted on this forum while missing an arm for months......just crazy to think about.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk



Mattie G Indahouse | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Did he say glass of juice or gas the Jews?
👶🏽:h..

👨🏽:honey, he's gonna say his first words

👩🏽:!!

👶🏽:hhh...

👶🏽:here come dat boi 🐸!

👨🏽:o shit waddup 😂💯

👩🏽:💔
Oh god, last April was when he got beat up and mugged.


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emigrate or degenerate. the choice is yours
Rest in peace. Great guy. Always had time to listen to other people's problems here despite what he was going through.  Sad to hear a fantastic human being depart us like that.


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This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


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Sandtrap was an amazing guy who had to go through a lot of terrible shit in his life. I am sad to learn that he is gone, but at the same time happy that he is finally at rest. I hope that he has found inner peace in the after life. May he forever be in our memeories. <3 RIP Sandtrap you will be missed, but never forgotten <3


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They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating mYsELF
I remember the first time he posted in a picture thread, my first thoughts were
Spoiler
Although I didn't know him personally, I always read his posts and followed what was happening in his life - and admittedly, I wish I had interacted more with him.
 It was plain to anyone that he was a great guy, RIP.


 
Alternative Facts
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Can't say I really had the chance to interact with him on a personal level, but always appreciated seeing him around and our casual banter.

May he forevermore rest easy.


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theaetherone.deviantart.com https://www.instagram.com/aetherone/

Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
He always seemed to genuinely care for people on here. I know he messaged me more than once about my health issues and depression but I never opened up all that much about it. I really regret that because what small amount of conversation we had was some of the most significant and meaningful conversation I've ever had with anyone on the web.

Now I'm very sad I wasn't able to speak to him one last time. . damn.

R.I.P. Sandtrap, you had a weak constitution but you were still one of the strongest people I've ever met.


 
TB
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#13
I don't have much to add... A lot of my sentiments have been echoed already in this thread. This news hit me a little harder than I expected it would. That being said I take comfort in knowing his suffering is over. He was a friend and a damn fine man. Thank you Sandtrap.


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Rinzler
Very sad news. Even without knowing him in real, it was obvious he was an extremely nice guy.

What is wrong with the world, that a guy as selfless and caring as Sandtrap, had to endure not just everything he went through but suffering at all.

Rest in Peace, Sandtrap.
Last Edit: April 06, 2017, 01:33:20 PM by Luke


V | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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Just message me.
Vien 'Quitonm#1598 is my discord
We spoke about three weeks ago and I promised to get him Rick and Morty.

fuck


Jester | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I remember me and him had a long conversation on b.net just venting our frustrations with the world. At the time I really appreciated it, and after my suicide attempt he gave me a lot of reasons to why my life is worth living, and if he had never told me that I wouldn't have had that to go back to and read. He fought the world hard but the world won. Fuck the world. I know I don't stay in touch with you guys that often but now it feels like I should. You all helped with the biggest change in my life and Sandtrap was no doubt the one who affected me for the better the most. I'll miss that guy. Rest In Peace buddy


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Don't let this ruin your week; seize this week and honor this guy's memory.
Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 06:11:41 AM by Epsira Idari


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Holy shit how did I miss this?


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Don't let this ruin your week; seize this week and honor this guy's memory.
sup gheyboi welcome home
Spoiler
I missed you


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the dj spins and cuts me
           hardcore will never die
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )               https://youtu.be/uDF4cwAghAc
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็
im remembering all of my weird conversations with him now

good times



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RIP my man. Didn't always agree on things but you had my respect.


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I got a letter in the mail from Quin. And some news from his family. He's been cremated. There's going to be a service held for him in the area where he lived in the next two weeks. I'll be going. He also left you guys something. He asked me to withhold it for a bit. Here you go.

Spoiler
So, it's been some time since I passed away. A little bit, I hope. I wrote this with the intent of having it passed along after some time. I know I had a habit of writing slogs of words and walls to go through. Honest to god, I tried curbing that wandering head of mine.

This is the last one, I promise.

I used to do be a dead man walking, now I'm a dead man talking. There's things left unspoken by me, Sep7agon. I could write books on it. There's just no easy way to talk about this shit in text without it piling up. And it sucks because suddenly after all this time I have shit to talk about. But here goes.

First, to all the people I got to know, thank you. And to all the people who I didn't, I'm sorry. I would have loved to know you better than I did. Time's got a way of both piling up and running out. I'm not the inexhaustible machine I tried to be. I'd like to think I did a good try, at least.

On to the point. I know my passing is going to be hitting some of you upside the head like a brick. And, to be honest, I'm sorry about that. I feel like an ass for doing it. When I got the confirmation that I was fucked with no way out, I tried to put my remaining time to good use by talking to you guys.

Not just small talk and fun stuff, but help. Everybody alive has got some kind of problem. Some of you showed it on that wee old lifeboat we call Sep7agon. If I was awake and strong enough to do it, I listened and talked to you because I knew that at some point, I wasn't going to be there.

And I knew damn well what it would do to some of you. You're probably feeling shitty about the fact that I tried to help you when I didn't have to, and now you can't repay it. Listen. Don't worry about it. I tried and did what I did for you because I wanted to. I accepted everything else that either came with that or didn't. Right here, right now, I free you from that guilt.

You folks helped me simply by being there to talk to. Sitting in isolation with a throat scarred from coughing up crap didn't give me a lot of options. That's why I came back to you guys. You were the only place I could come back to, for good reasons.

It's odd to realize for myself, that I won't be here anymore. I won't be able to just jump on and piss away time. I won't be around if you need me. And that worries me. Always has. What if one of you gets down and out or you decide to pull the plug on yourself? Not saying that I could stop it. But I would try to help.

The best I can do is hope that none of you ever come that far. The best I can hope for is that you've got the strength to fight through your problems, and to fix them. And the one thing I can really hope for, is that you learn the importance of acceptance.

There are things in life we can change. There are some things we can't. If you stop, and really look at it, there's no point in getting wrapped up around what we can't change. I want you to picture a full grown adult breaking down in the middle of the food isle and crying because they were too tall in their own eyes.

Seems kind of silly, no? I know it's not that simple. Some of the things we can't change suck. Like it or no, they're still there. You can choose to carry onwards, or stay there and torment yourself for your own reasons.

I know that some of you on sep7agon doubted me. You doubted my stories, doubted my claims. And you know what? That is completely fair. For one thing, there's a track record of scummy people capitalizing on people believing in them.

For another, there was only one instance where I provided tangible proof. And hell, a truly skeptical person might say that it was shopped even though I can tell you I have no skills in the art department whatsoever.

The truth is that I really fucking hate pictures of myself, and that was only magnified as I watched myself fall apart. I wasn't about to go out of my way to prove to you folks the validity of my experiences because to me, it wasn't that big of a deal to fuss over.

Exactly the same as if I listened to you. I never asked you for proof because I judged for myself. I trusted you enough to believe what you were saying. And I'd like to think you never short-changed me on that when I spent time on you.

Believe me when I say that you didn't want to see me on the end of my ride. I looked bad enough that my family couldn't stomach it. And that might make you feel guilty. I posted what I did and I accepted the consequences that came with. I abolish you of that guilt.

This is tricky though. There's so many things I'd like to talk to you about. All of you, separately, one by one. No written words could do it justice. The words I'm writing to you now fall painfully short of what I want to say, why I want to say it, and how much time I have to say it.

All of you individual personalities, you separate people with your separate lives on separate parts of the planet, whether you called me a friend, whether you and I had issues and disagreements on things, no matter whom you are or what your interaction was with me, know that it meant a lot to me.

Maybe you never saw it because I never showed it. Your stories, your experiences, my interactions with you, helped me grow as a person and apply things to my own life. In the short years I got to know you, so much of the growth I did in my life, so much of the fight I gave it, was because of my time spent with you guys.

You left your mark on me in your own ways and I'm sorry that I won't be around to repay that. I don't know where I'm headed now. Maybe I'm headed nowhere at all. Frankly, I wasn't ready to give everything up. But we all go sometime.

If there's a bus stop at the end of life, I'll be there waiting. In the meantime, go live your life for me. We'll catch up on stories later.

It's not fair.


R o c k e t | Mythic Smash Master
 
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I neither fear, nor despise.
damn.


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"You always have another option. You always have some direction that you can take. It's something to think about when you're faced with the off switch and wanting to hit it. Glad to see that you're still breathing, Jester."

I'm never going to forget the hope he put into me.


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I do wish I had another chance to talk to him, but I'm too late. Had I know he would die this year, I would have said something last year.


 
 
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<.<
I don't think the lock really needs explaining.