good post

i haven't ruled it out

And I know that only few people can do what I do. I know that not everyone can get any job and that there isn't a perfect career out there for everyone. Of course that's bullshit. I'm just saying that you shouldn't sell yourself sort. You're clearly not an idiot and seem to have more potential than what you're making things out to be.

i appreciate the optimism, and i respect that you're just trying to help

the reason i called you glib is just because i get kinda tired of people who refuse to see how shitty life really is

i just want someone to admit to me that life really does fucking suck for a lot of people, even for cozy privileged sheltered internet-having white people like me, and that your optimism is about as effective as prayer when it comes to these things

furthermore, i'm just not convinced that you have a good enough picture of my situation to be able to give me any real advice—i've tried to illustrate bits and pieces of it to give you a taste of what being me is like, because i don't want to bore you to death the full picture, but if i were to give you the full picture, you would be singing a different tune

you say the "bad things i fear about work" aren't inherent to every job in the market—but by saying that, you're saying that there's a job out there that doesn't involve doing any work, doesn't involve any time investment, and doesn't involve any other people (customers, bosses, coworkers, or anybody)

these are things that i hate intensely, and they are indeed inherent to all jobs, otherwise they wouldn't be jobs

basically, 1.) how am i supposed to enjoy work when i don't even want to enjoy work, and 2.) how do i deal with people in the workplace without wanting to suplex them off a cliff

these aren't questions anyone can answer, they're things i have to figure out myself

and i'm struggling really hard

i am utterly insatiable—i feel like all i can do is just grin and bear it, while dying inside

Like I said, I just don't want you to wake up one day with most of your life already behind you and suddenly realize how much you've missed out on and how many opportunities you threw away because of your militant state of mind and currently very negative thoughts on all this stuff.

i don't want that either, but i don't want a lot of things

i find bitching about my life on the internet to be extremely cathartic, at least, so as long as i have that, i think i can endure just about anything—i just won't enjoy it, and other people won't enjoy it either

numbing myself like carson has to his job is not an option either—that'll lead to alzheimer's at 40

Like nigga, just try it. Work is fun.

Seriously though verb, life ain't a picnic. I don't enjoy being forced to work for a living, I'm not sure anyone does. America also has a pretty serious boner for work and it's disgusting how we behave when others choose not to work 40 hours a week to barely scrape by.

I think a lot of that stems from jealousy or thinking that "if I have to work why shouldn't they have to?" It won't get better either. Until something changes, this is the situation we find ourselves in though. Unless you move out of country or hit the lotto there's not much choice in the matter.

It doesn't have to be all bad though, there's a silver lining and all that. Work is a good way to socialize, my current job involves a lot of physicality so I'm getting in better shape, I'm learning a lot about hands on stuff and how to build things.

Hopefully one day you find something you enjoy but even then it's not guaranteed. Shit sucks, but what can you do?